How to make time for hubby!

[sweetgrace]

I need some advice ladies. DH and I were talking yesterday and the #1 reason why hubby is reluctent to having more children is because he misses ME! He also misses going to do things that we used to do together or as a family. We have two children and are NTNP at the moment but would like a third soon. My question is how can I make time for hubby? Is it possible to take multiple toddlers/kids camping, hunting, fishing, hiking etc. (we used to be really into the outdoors)? Also, when pregnant how can I continue to do these fun activities when I don't even feel like I can do the normal house chores?

[raisingcropsandbabies]

It is possible to do those things, it will just be totally different than before you had kids (if you involve the kids!). You would have to change yours, and ask DH to change his, expectations of what a camping trip would look like and entail. Instead of a 6 mile hike, it may be 1-2 miles and it may or may not involve some interruptions, potty breaks, a snack, etc. You have to be super flexible and go with the flow to make it fun. If you are rigid, it will be miserable.
To do that stuff you have to look at the work to fun ratio... is all the work worth the amount of fun your kids and you will have? If you are wanting to train your children to love outdoors-y activities, start small and be prepared. Personally, my kids (thus I and DH would) have just as much fun pitching a tent on our land and "camping outside the house" or going to the creek and collecting things in jars or having DH take the boys out shooting with him (one boy at a time) and it would be a lot less work on our end. If you don't have land, then pick a place close to home incase surprises pop up.

I think the "missing the wife" thing your DH is talking about would not be solved via family trips. At least, my DH's view would not. Honestly, it's hard to make "us" time in terms of going out on dates and being out together. Not too many people we can ask to watch 4 kids, 5 and under and it's hard to afford that and the date! haha.

What helps my husband feel more connected to me, is just being available to him when the kids go to bed. Wanting to be by his side on the couch, being open/initiating sex when it's desired (that's a biggie for Dh... no punning!), expressing my desire to be around him, when he's talking about work or whatever; stopping what I'm doing and listening (which is hard for me to do because I'm a multi-tasker). All those things, help DH and I to feel connected even though we can't escape very often!!! (we like to lay in bed and dream of where we would go on dates... does that count?)

As far as doing family fun things while being pregnant. Plan small! Don't go to Disneyland 8 months pregnant in July, instead maybe go to a boardwalk for 2 hours. KWIM?

ETA: And don't feel like your hubby is alone. DH likes the #4 in terms of kids: the youngest is one year old and Mama is getting back to normal and things started calming down once the baby turned around 9 mos. old. I think maybe it's a timing (as in infancy/tot stages) thing vs. how many kids you have thing, maybe?

[cdeweese]

Your kids are definitely old enough for hiking and when the baby is small you just wear them. Do your kids have a set bedtime? Ours are in bed no later than 8 and don't get up until 7:30. We have to be strict, but after 8 they stay in bed! We have that time to make ourselves a nice dinner, play a game, watch a movie and veg out we TOTALLY take advantage of bedtime. As for outdoor activities, most might have to be a half day w/ a picnic lunch, but its something. My husband and I rarely get to "go out" but we do it at least once a month. It may not seem like much, but we do something low key like going to Barnes and Noble and having coffee after an informal (but yummy) dinner. It's just nice to be out without the kids sometimes. HTH!

[raisingcropsandbabies]

Originally Posted by cdeweese Your kids are definitely old enough for hiking and when the baby is small you just wear them. Do your kids have a set bedtime? Ours are in bed no later than 8 and don't get up until 7:30. We have to be strict, but after 8 they stay in bed! We have that time to make ourselves a nice dinner, play a game, watch a movie and veg out we TOTALLY take advantage of bedtime. As for outdoor activities, most might have to be a half day w/ a picnic lunch, but its something. My husband and I rarely get to "go out" but we do it at least once a month. It may not seem like much, but we do something low key like going to Barnes and Noble and having coffee after an informal (but yummy) dinner. It's just nice to be out without the kids sometimes. HTH!

Totally agree about the bedtime routine!!! Baby goes down at 7pm and the 2,4, and 5 year olds are tucked in by 7:30pm. I work out until 8pm and then it's our time (half the week, he works nights the other half). I try to have all chores done so we can be together and I'm not playing catch up then.
Anyway, good point!

[sweetgrace]

Originally Posted by raisingcropsandbabies It is possible to do those things, it will just be totally different than before you had kids (if you involve the kids!). You would have to change yours, and ask DH to change his, expectations of what a camping trip would look like and entail. Instead of a 6 mile hike, it may be 1-2 miles and it may or may not involve some interruptions, potty breaks, a snack, etc. You have to be super flexible and go with the flow to make it fun. If you are rigid, it will be miserable. To do that stuff you have to look at the work to fun ratio... is all the work worth the amount of fun your kids and you will have? If you are wanting to train your children to love outdoors-y activities, start small and be prepared. Personally, my kids (thus I and DH would) have just as much fun pitching a tent on our land and "camping outside the house" or going to the creek and collecting things in jars or having DH take the boys out shooting with him (one boy at a time) and it would be a lot less work on our end. If you don't have land, then pick a place close to home incase surprises pop up. I think the "missing the wife" thing your DH is talking about would not be solved via family trips. At least, my DH's view would not. Honestly, it's hard to make "us" time in terms of going out on dates and being out together. Not too many people we can ask to watch 4 kids, 5 and under and it's hard to afford that and the date! haha. What helps my husband feel more connected to me, is just being available to him when the kids go to bed. Wanting to be by his side on the couch, being open/initiating sex when it's desired (that's a biggie for Dh... no punning!), expressing my desire to be around him, when he's talking about work or whatever; stopping what I'm doing and listening (which is hard for me to do because I'm a multi-tasker). All those things, help DH and I to feel connected even though we can't escape very often!!! (we like to lay in bed and dream of where we would go on dates... does that count?) As far as doing family fun things while being pregnant. Plan small! Don't go to Disneyland 8 months pregnant in July, instead maybe go to a boardwalk for 2 hours. KWIM? ETA: And don't feel like your hubby is alone. DH likes the #4 in terms of kids: the youngest is one year old and Mama is getting back to normal and things started calming down once the baby turned around 9 mos. old. I think maybe it's a timing (as in infancy/tot stages) thing vs. how many kids you have thing, maybe?

This is very helpful, thank you! I struggle with spending quality time with hubby. Our time together daily usually consists of us sitting on the couch watching tv. Not much talking and I definately have a hard time starting intimacy with DH. I'm usually pretty tierd and don't feel like doing much of anything but vegging.

[sweetgrace]

Originally Posted by cdeweese Your kids are definitely old enough for hiking and when the baby is small you just wear them. Do your kids have a set bedtime? Ours are in bed no later than 8 and don't get up until 7:30. We have to be strict, but after 8 they stay in bed! We have that time to make ourselves a nice dinner, play a game, watch a movie and veg out we TOTALLY take advantage of bedtime. As for outdoor activities, most might have to be a half day w/ a picnic lunch, but its something. My husband and I rarely get to "go out" but we do it at least once a month. It may not seem like much, but we do something low key like going to Barnes and Noble and having coffee after an informal (but yummy) dinner. It's just nice to be out without the kids sometimes. HTH!

Yes we do have an 8 o'clock bedtime for the boys in place. Then the tv comes on and we veg. Not much quality time together. I like the dinner after bedtime idea. I guess we just get in a rut and end up doing the same thing all.the.time.


I just feel like this is one of the most important parts, DH and I's time/relationship together. I just want to establish some good habits before we have any more children, kwim. Maybe part of my lack of time with DH is because of my lack of organization. I feel like he needs to be watching the kids so I can get stuff done. Then by the time I get some things done I'm exhausted and it's bedtime. Thanks for the tips ladies. It definately helps. Any other thoughts or tips?

[sunnygirlmomof6]

We have 6 and our strict 8pm bedtime is mostly so that we can have OUR time together. Most of the time we do just sit up and watch a movie or something while snuggling, but often we do not even turn on the TV, we just sit there and talk. Maybe try to make an effort to really spend that time connecting with each other. I totally agree on maybe saving that time to eat supper together. We do that sometimes too since we obviously do not get to go out to eat often. LOL

As for travel, it is more difficult, but very doable. It just takes more planning and packing. If you like to camp out, and use a tent, then have a trial run camping in your own yard so you at least know how they will react. We do that in the summer since it really is hard to take a little one camping in a tent.

[trying4more]

1)Bed time schedule for the kids.
2)Date nights. My mom agreed to watch our kids 3-4x a month, so DH and I can go on a date. Sometimes we really go out, sometimes we just rent a movie and cuddle.

[mommmy]

Originally Posted by trying4more 1)Bed time schedule for the kids. 2)Date nights. My mom agreed to watch our kids 3-4x a month, so DH and I can go on a date. Sometimes we really go out, sometimes we just rent a movie and cuddle.

This is exactly what we do.

[raisingcropsandbabies]

Originally Posted by trying4more 1)Bed time schedule for the kids. 2)Date nights. My mom agreed to watch our kids 3-4x a month, so DH and I can go on a date. Sometimes we really go out, sometimes we just rent a movie and cuddle.

I admit I got a bit envious about date nights and then a friend went on a date with her husband and I thought, "That's it! I want a date too!". DH and I went on our first date in 4 months last night! Last one was in August and this was so refreshing and amazing. We ate at Olive Garden, sat in the van and talked, and walked around 2 stores (it was dreary, cold, and rainy or else we would have picked outside). So fun and of course we were like, "We need to do this more often!" haha.