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Old 12-12-2012, 06:45 PM   #1
Suzi
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Worried I'm causing fights with other parents

Iím not sure if I should be handling things different. Sorry for the length Iím sure this will be.

My 2nd greater made best friends with a new kiddo this year. Neither of them have ever had such a close friend before. They are really good for each other too, help each other do better at school and such. His friend is the oldest of 4 boys. One of the brothers is in 1st and my son is also close with him. And a kindergartner that has decided he adores my youngest, my non-verbal autistic son. My son and his friend have play days around 4 days a week.

Iíve always gotten the vibe that his dad is not really in favor of play days at all. Iíve never met his dad, only his mom. She is friendly and I like her but we are not close at all.

So today my son was going to go play at their house and I asked if her kindergartner could come to my house. She let him. My kindergartner really wasnít all that excited about it (autism and all) but I could tell her kindergartner was SUPER excited. He said things like heíd never been allowed to ride in anyoneís car before, he'd never had a play day before, he wondered if he should call his dad and tell him he had a play day since his dad said he couldnít have play days, and that his mom and dad fight all the time about the oldestís play days and sleep overs.

They are really private but all four boys are wonderful boys so they are definitely doing a lot right. I donít want to cause more problems between them. Should I back off on play days. I would like to have her kindergartner over a couple of times a month. He says that my son is his best friend at school (Iím pretty sure if my son spoke he would not say the same, lol, but I love encouraging my youngest to act like a friend and have a great support system). His mom and the teachers at school have said this kiddos is very interested in my son, wants to learn how to interact with him, etc so I think the interactions are good for him but again I donít want to cause serious family problems.

Thoughts?

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Old 12-12-2012, 06:51 PM   #2
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Re: Worried I'm causing fights with other parents

I think the boys would simply find other friends and the issues at home would continue regardless of who the friends or parents were. Unless you are an undesirable parent for some reason unkown to me. Which as the mama is not concerned is likely not the issue
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Old 12-12-2012, 06:53 PM   #3
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Mmmm that would definitly make me stop and think. I think though in the end I would take whatever a 5/6yr old said with a grain of salt. Especially if youve never met the dad and the mom isnt super friendly and open. I would keep having playdates if the boys enjoy them and let the parents handle their own problems-if there are any.
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Old 12-12-2012, 07:20 PM   #4
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Re: Worried I'm causing fights with other parents

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Originally Posted by qsefthuko View Post
I think the boys would simply find other friends and the issues at home would continue regardless of who the friends or parents were. Unless you are an undesirable parent for some reason unkown to me. Which as the mama is not concerned is likely not the issue
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Mmmm that would definitly make me stop and think. I think though in the end I would take whatever a 5/6yr old said with a grain of salt. Especially if youve never met the dad and the mom isnt super friendly and open. I would keep having playdates if the boys enjoy them and let the parents handle their own problems-if there are any.
I agree with both of these. I would continue to do as you've been doing. If the parents are fighting about it, that's between them. And if they are fighting over this, then they are fighting over other things too and backing away from play dates isn't going to change anything.

Let things continue as they are, and let the other parents deal with it between them.

There is probably more to the story than what the 6yr old is getting... so.. just let it go, unless you want to broach the subject with the other mother. You could be like "Something your DS said to me bothered me a little, and I wanted to talk to you about it. He said... xyz, and I wanted to make sure I'm not causing any problems for you at home." Or something like that.

God bless!
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Old 12-12-2012, 08:41 PM   #5
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I agree with both of these. I would continue to do as you've been doing. If the parents are fighting about it, that's between them. And if they are fighting over this, then they are fighting over other things too and backing away from play dates isn't going to change anything.

Let things continue as they are, and let the other parents deal with it between them.

There is probably more to the story than what the 6yr old is getting... so.. just let it go, unless you want to broach the subject with the other mother. You could be like "Something your DS said to me bothered me a little, and I wanted to talk to you about it. He said... xyz, and I wanted to make sure I'm not causing any problems for you at home." Or something like that.

God bless!
I agree it's between the other parents, and the problem is not you and your children specifically probably. Sounds like if there are issues, "it's not about the coffee", so to speak. As long as nothing else is setting off your radar Id just continue on as you are.
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Old 12-13-2012, 04:41 AM   #6
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Re: Worried I'm causing fights with other parents

Thanks! They are really great boys. I wanted to ake sure I wasn't being selfish by having them over.
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Old 12-13-2012, 07:32 AM   #7
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Re: Worried I'm causing fights with other parents

I would just keep doing what you're doing. The parents are adults; if they don't want to do a play date, they can simply decline the invitation.
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Old 12-13-2012, 11:28 AM   #8
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Re: Worried I'm causing fights with other parents

I would continue as you have been. Kids say things that aren't necessarily true and not necessarily a lie either all the time. My 8 year old told the neighbors she wasn't allowed to play at their house a few weeks ago because I said no when she had asked the day before. The mom called me concerned that something had happened that caused me to not let the kids play over there.
It could be that they had a single disagreement over how much time is spent on play days.
My dh is not the type to like our kids having friends over a lot. I, on the other hand, love being the neighborhood hang out. I'm sure we've discussed it in front of the kids. We compromise and have most play dates while he is at work/out of town (which is most of the week anyway). When he is home we stick to family time.
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Old 12-13-2012, 01:28 PM   #9
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Re: Worried I'm causing fights with other parents

I would also just keep doing what you are doing. If it's important enough to one of the parents, they will come to an agreement together, but it won't really be your problem.

I had issues with my ex letting my daughter go places with his friends, because I felt like my ex wasn't responsible enough to make that choice. But, I wasn't married to him either, so we obviously didn't have that trust level in the first place. If we'd been married, I'd have trusted his judgement more. (meaning, I didn't marry him because he was a bit if a doorknob)
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