talk to me about going from 1 kid to 2

[GEM Cloth]

Congratulations! Adding a second child was very easy for us. DD#1 was almost 2.5 when DD#2 was born. She was weaned and potty trained (did all that when I was 5 mos preg with second child, didn't desire to nurse and diaper two children at once). My DD#2 found her older sister quite entertaining and would sit quietly and watch her for fairly long periods of time.

Don't worry about anything, it will all work out and you won't be able to imagine life without Kid#2!!

[PerfectFifth]

Yes to everything above!

I read your other thread. My DS2 was a complete surprise pregnancy and not particularly wanted at first. I know you are having a lot of mixed emotions right now about having baby #2, and that's okay. It took me a good three months after DS2 was born to actually be happy about it. But I just want to let you know that it's okay to feel that way, and you will indeed fall in love with that baby some day-- hopefully before s/he's born, but it's okay of that comes later. The very best thing you can do is go through all the mothering motions, even if you don't really feel a connection yet-- get the prenatal care you need, breastfeed if you can, keep baby close, smile and talk to him. DEFINITELY find someone to talk to about any negative emotions; holding it all in really made me feel alone, and I needed someone who could listen to all the things I felt and tell me, "No, you are not a horrible mother."

DS1 was 21 months when DS2 was born, and he actually handled the transition really well. I was sad that our time alone got cut short, but what he lost from my attention, he gained from his little brother. :-)

[wordbox]

Congratulations!

Going from 1-2 has been great for us. Our kids are 2 years apart.

It is easier than I thought it would be, overall. I have found the actual baby care things to be a breeze this time around. Kind of like... been there, done that. I'm more confident and know what I'm doing a bit more.

We have been lucky that our son (the older child) is so incredibly sweet to his sister. He loves her. He can't even go take a nap or go to bed without kissing her goodnight. He's still a bit too rough sometimes, but they adore each other and he has shown very little jealousy, especially for being so young.

I've also been fortunate that our daughter is a very easy going baby. She is patient, is pretty content just hanging out, is happy most of the time, etc.

Some stuff has been tougher. It's much harder for me to get out of the house this time around. My son can be a handful and so trips out of the house with him can take a lot of energy, so doing fun things can turn into a nightmare when I have a baby to take care of while he's throwing a fit because he doesn't want to leave the park or whatever.

I remember being terrified that I wouldn't be able to love the second one as much, and I felt like I was going to destroy our son's happy little world. It was really hard to watch him "grow up" quickly, but now it is so wonderful to watch him with his little sister. I know that we gave him a gift by giving him a sibling, and our daughter has been such a joy in our life. I can't imagine not having her around now, and I can't wait to watch them grow together and watch their relationship develop.

One thing that was really nice was that my husband really started to pull his weight the second time around. He is sooooo much more involved and helps with more and is so great with the kids. I feel like we're more of a team this time, and I feel like our marriage has actually strengthened as a result.

Our son still isn't potty trained, so two in cloth diapers is definitely a lot of laundry. But it's fun to see our daughter wear diapers that I remember getting for our son when he was just a baby. And, seeing how many diapers we go through in a day, it makes me thankful that we do use cloth.

Another nice thing is that our baby finds our son to be soooo entertaining. She's almost 5 months old now, so she's much more content watching him now. This makes it easier because when you just have one baby, you're it and you have to keep them occupied all the time. With two, it's much different. I imagine this will only get more true as they become able to play together.

One thing that helps is making sure our son has time with just me or just DH every week, where he can be focused on completely. Right after our daughter was born, I really made an effort to go on little "dates" with him to reconnect. I think it's hard for them to share us, and I cried and felt a bit guilty about it, but in the end it has been amazing and I'm so glad we tried for our daughter when we did. It helps to include them as much as possible (help fetch diapers, blankets, help & mimmick what we're doing, etc.), and my multitasking skills have certainly gotten better. I can nurse the baby while snuggling with our son and reading a book or whatever.

[sisu]

Originally Posted by wordbox Congratulations! Going from 1-2 has been great for us. Our kids are 2 years apart. It is easier than I thought it would be, overall. I have found the actual baby care things to be a breeze this time around. Kind of like... been there, done that. I'm more confident and know what I'm doing a bit more. We have been lucky that our son (the older child) is so incredibly sweet to his sister. He loves her. He can't even go take a nap or go to bed without kissing her goodnight. He's still a bit too rough sometimes, but they adore each other and he has shown very little jealousy, especially for being so young. I've also been fortunate that our daughter is a very easy going baby. She is patient, is pretty content just hanging out, is happy most of the time, etc. Some stuff has been tougher. It's much harder for me to get out of the house this time around. My son can be a handful and so trips out of the house with him can take a lot of energy, so doing fun things can turn into a nightmare when I have a baby to take care of while he's throwing a fit because he doesn't want to leave the park or whatever. I remember being terrified that I wouldn't be able to love the second one as much, and I felt like I was going to destroy our son's happy little world. It was really hard to watch him "grow up" quickly, but now it is so wonderful to watch him with his little sister. I know that we gave him a gift by giving him a sibling, and our daughter has been such a joy in our life. I can't imagine not having her around now, and I can't wait to watch them grow together and watch their relationship develop. One thing that was really nice was that my husband really started to pull his weight the second time around. He is sooooo much more involved and helps with more and is so great with the kids. I feel like we're more of a team this time, and I feel like our marriage has actually strengthened as a result. Our son still isn't potty trained, so two in cloth diapers is definitely a lot of laundry. But it's fun to see our daughter wear diapers that I remember getting for our son when he was just a baby. And, seeing how many diapers we go through in a day, it makes me thankful that we do use cloth. Another nice thing is that our baby finds our son to be soooo entertaining. She's almost 5 months old now, so she's much more content watching him now. This makes it easier because when you just have one baby, you're it and you have to keep them occupied all the time. With two, it's much different. I imagine this will only get more true as they become able to play together. One thing that helps is making sure our son has time with just me or just DH every week, where he can be focused on completely. Right after our daughter was born, I really made an effort to go on little "dates" with him to reconnect. I think it's hard for them to share us, and I cried and felt a bit guilty about it, but in the end it has been amazing and I'm so glad we tried for our daughter when we did. It helps to include them as much as possible (help fetch diapers, blankets, help & mimmick what we're doing, etc.), and my multitasking skills have certainly gotten better. I can nurse the baby while snuggling with our son and reading a book or whatever.

Every word of this was spot on for our experience with adding #2! Mine are 19 months apart, and of course are some days that are more challenging than others, but compared to having #1 it's been a breeze.

One thing I didn't anticipate was the absolute joy that I get from watching my kids develop a relationship with each other. It gets better every single day and even on those challenging days, I wouldn't change a thing.

[Rdesonia]

I have a big gap between mine. I admit it was scary. I LOVE my DS and I was afraid I could never love another as much as I love him.
I love DD... your capacity to love just grows. It has been so much easier with DD as I am more confident in my ability to be a mom! Honestly, it was the best thing to ever happen! I want more!

[nonipie]

Originally Posted by wordbox Congratulations! Going from 1-2 has been great for us. Our kids are 2 years apart. It is easier than I thought it would be, overall. I have found the actual baby care things to be a breeze this time around. Kind of like... been there, done that. I'm more confident and know what I'm doing a bit more. We have been lucky that our son (the older child) is so incredibly sweet to his sister. He loves her. He can't even go take a nap or go to bed without kissing her goodnight. He's still a bit too rough sometimes, but they adore each other and he has shown very little jealousy, especially for being so young. I've also been fortunate that our daughter is a very easy going baby. She is patient, is pretty content just hanging out, is happy most of the time, etc. Some stuff has been tougher. It's much harder for me to get out of the house this time around. My son can be a handful and so trips out of the house with him can take a lot of energy, so doing fun things can turn into a nightmare when I have a baby to take care of while he's throwing a fit because he doesn't want to leave the park or whatever. I remember being terrified that I wouldn't be able to love the second one as much, and I felt like I was going to destroy our son's happy little world. It was really hard to watch him "grow up" quickly, but now it is so wonderful to watch him with his little sister. I know that we gave him a gift by giving him a sibling, and our daughter has been such a joy in our life. I can't imagine not having her around now, and I can't wait to watch them grow together and watch their relationship develop. One thing that was really nice was that my husband really started to pull his weight the second time around. He is sooooo much more involved and helps with more and is so great with the kids. I feel like we're more of a team this time, and I feel like our marriage has actually strengthened as a result. Our son still isn't potty trained, so two in cloth diapers is definitely a lot of laundry. But it's fun to see our daughter wear diapers that I remember getting for our son when he was just a baby. And, seeing how many diapers we go through in a day, it makes me thankful that we do use cloth. Another nice thing is that our baby finds our son to be soooo entertaining. She's almost 5 months old now, so she's much more content watching him now. This makes it easier because when you just have one baby, you're it and you have to keep them occupied all the time. With two, it's much different. I imagine this will only get more true as they become able to play together. One thing that helps is making sure our son has time with just me or just DH every week, where he can be focused on completely. Right after our daughter was born, I really made an effort to go on little "dates" with him to reconnect. I think it's hard for them to share us, and I cried and felt a bit guilty about it, but in the end it has been amazing and I'm so glad we tried for our daughter when we did. It helps to include them as much as possible (help fetch diapers, blankets, help & mimmick what we're doing, etc.), and my multitasking skills have certainly gotten better. I can nurse the baby while snuggling with our son and reading a book or whatever.

Most of this is the same for us except for DS was 3 when DD was born so only night diapers and more understanding. It has been even better as they get older and now play together and enjoy the same toys etc. They share a room and are best buddies. For the most part it was easier than going from 0-1. Now 2-3 is pushing me over the edge but that's another story.

[hilaryisinked]

It was a lot harder than going from zero to 1 for me. I always thought it was easy when it was just DD1. Ours are 21 months apart and I remember crying a lot after having DD2 because I had no idea how to handle both of them. Two in diapers, while easy, was a hard adjustment because it is double the work. Then I had to wash diapers every other day because I would run out. With just 1 if I let the diapers go 3 days it was ok. My DH works night shifts so getting one in bed while the other one cries or was being loud and rambunctious was so hard. Then they wouldn't nap at the same time so all the sudden I had zero time to myself. It was really hard. It didn't get easier until DD2 was about 9 months old honestly. There absolutely won't be a #3. I know that isn't a positive story but I figured I would be honest.

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[joeslittlewoman]

My first kiddo's infancy was so rough that having two almost seemed easier. DS2 was a much easier infant. I will say, even though they are only 14months apart, there was still jealousy (I read repeatedly that kids less than 30months apart weren't jealous, hahahahaha LIES!!).

I had anxiety about going out with both kids by myself, but once I took the plunge it wasn't bad. I just wore one and put the other in a cart/stroller (my oldest was a runner from 11 months on.

Now that they are 2.5 and 3.5 it is a bit trying. DS1 is in an ornery, defiant stage and DS2 is super clingy and hitting a defiant stage as well. They play a lot, though, which is nice. They also fight a lot, but they are brothers, it is expected.

We are adding a 3rd son in March. I'm a little scared, but feeling really calm about it at the moment. DS1 is getting more obedient (better than I expected by this age) so I have hope for DS2 becoming easier again. His "terrible twos" are giving me a run for my money.

The hardest part for us is the limited alone time we get as a couple. Neither of my kids have been great sleepers, so we have to try really hard to find alone time. We value date nights SO much. Prioritizing your marriage is hard with even one kid though. There are just more needs and night wakings with more kids, lol. Sleep is a valuable commodity, as well.

Overall, we are happy with our family choices. Though back to back infancies are rough, we are looking forward to getting through this stage all at once and concentrating on the next stage for the boys. And looking forward to one day being empty nesters at a fairly young age (early 50s) so we can still enjoy traveling and hobbies together.

[songbird516]

My daughter was 26 months but quite mature for her age and she did just fine with her brother. No jealousy in relation to him. I use the baby carrier (mei tai or sling) a bunch. The only problems I had were more related to her being two but large for her age, so if she got cranky or started to throw a fit in a store it was hard to control her because I was wearing the baby and she weighs 40 pounds. I would have preferred a 3 year age gap for that and other reasons.
Personally I felt that a newborn is a breeze compared to a toddler.

[SaraElise]

1-2 was the hardest transition we've had so far, but our first 2 were 13 months apart, so it was like having 2 babies, one that needed constant newborn attention, and one that was just learning to walk and get into everything, but not really old enough to do things on their own yet.

Had they been a little further apart I don't think it would have been nearly as hard. 2-3 was super easy

Getting into a good routine saved me, naps at the same time, doing the same thing in the same order every day. Not only did it help me prepare for what was ahead during the day, but my toddler knew what to expect and it just made life so much easier.