Please help me keep going... update post #54

[evasimone]

Originally Posted by l_Kimmie_l I know you say you are preparing for the end, but have you tried reglan yet? Most insurance companies cover it and it will boost your supply. That could really help. Might be cheaper than formula (unless you can get WIC) and really help.

I am considering either Reglan or Domperidone... I know my milk supply has decreased but i am not sure how much yet. I am also wondering if it might be the normal 3 month regulation time? If she isn't transferring well do you think the reglan would really help? because she won't remove the milk. At least I am wondering.

I went from being able to pump 3-4 ounces every two hours. Now I can pump 1.25-1.75 occasionally 2 ounces and if I pump after breastfeeding her I get nothing. I know everyone says pump output isn't a reliable indicator but I've always responded well to the pump...

ETA: I reread the powerpoint that I mentioned above. It does mention that once the baby gets back to where she should be weight wise her feeding should improve. The whole "poor weight gain begets more poor weight gain" theory and it also mentions that the supply decrease is because of the infant. Here's a quote, "Primary problem of later slow weight gain is often simply early slow weight gain. Slow weight gain begets slow weight gain. Once a baby is underweight the mother's milk production slows down as a result not cause of baby's poor weight gain."

Luckily for me I took a hiatus and pumped exclusively for 3 weeks which gave me a decent supply (which DD has probably tanked lol)... but if DD does become a better feeder due to gaining weight then the Reglan or Dom could help and maybe I could get a decent supply and keep it. I guess I am not quite as ready to quit as I suspected. I keep having ups and downs and am just incredibly frustrated.

[l_Kimmie_l]

Is she not getting any milk even with the shield? Maybe it will help you pump more too.

[evasimone]

Also did you just ask your PCP to write a script for the purpose of breastfeeding? I am not sure if mine will (I couldn't even get them to see me in 24 hours for mastitis or to call in a script so I can't imagine they'd actually help me ). And my midwife can write prescriptions but will probably want me to do homeopathics (she's an herbalist) so I don't think she'd be willing to do the Reglan. Hmm...

It's always worth a try I suppose but how did you convince them?

[evasimone]

Originally Posted by l_Kimmie_l Is she not getting any milk even with the shield? Maybe it will help you pump more too.

The scale will be able to tell me for sure but I figure that if she's losing an ounce in 2 weeks she isn't getting enough. KWIM? I know she gets some milk, I feel let downs and can hear her gulp at times which is why I was surprised to know that she'd been losing.

I'll post the results of DD's 24 hour weigh in because the scale is super sensitive according to the LC I am renting it from.

I actually transitioned her off of the shield because I freaked that maybe it was reducing milk transfer so we haven't used it in two days.

[jlsquire0324]

I have only read the last two pages of the thread (mobile). I have the same issues w DS (almost 3 mos old). I about quit because he wasn't gaining anymore and I felt my supply decreasing. He's just a lazy nurser and doesn't remove all my milk. I had to supplement w/ formula for a bit and I take brewers yeast and pump after all daytime feedings. I have built back up a supply and am trying to wean off supplement now. Thankfully the supplement is all breastmilk now and I even have milk in the freezer. I'm hoping the bigger he gets the better he will nurse and I won't be tied to a pump. Feedings and pumping take a long time and its a huge commitment. One I have just about given up a few times. When you want to quit, sleep on it. Next day, you might want to again

[evasimone]

Update: I am feeling much more balanced and clear headed today. I'd like to blame it on postpartum hormones but sometimes I think it's just plain old frustration.

The problem is low milk transfer.
DD from midnight to midnight has taken in 12.66 ounces. Her first feed was at 6 a.m. so if I go from 6 a.m. to 6 a.m. the total will be higher but not enough obviously.

Her first morning feed was fantastic, I was engorged and she took in 5.3 ounces , she lay there all happy and content and I was feeling like an idiot first time mom and then it just went downhill as the day progressed. Next feed was 1.6 oz, then .77 oz, then .6 oz, then a 2 ouncer etc. etc.

I've been supplementing her from my freezer stash and what I've been able to pump daily (around 4 ounces). I am down to 30 ounces in the freezer and I don't know any lactating mothers to get donor milk from. I bought some Similac advantage because I know in a few days when the freezer stash is gone she'll need supplementing and I don't have enough milk to take care of her.

I am not going to cold turkey quit breast feeding, I do have milk and it's beneficial to DD. I don't have the desire nor the ability to EP the necessary 10-12/day to maintain a supply although I am willing and able to sustain pumping 4-6 times per day and comfort nurse DD until my milk inevitably goes away.

I am toying with the idea of Domperidone to boost my supply (It would cost me as much in copays to see my PCP for a reglan script as to buy 1 month of Domperidone) so I can stash as much milk as possible in the least amount of time (I'd be willing to put my life on hold and pump like a mad woman for 2 weeks or so to get a decent freezer stash just not long term).

Originally Posted by jlsquire0324 I have only read the last two pages of the thread (mobile). I have the same issues w DS (almost 3 mos old). I about quit because he wasn't gaining anymore and I felt my supply decreasing. He's just a lazy nurser and doesn't remove all my milk. I had to supplement w/ formula for a bit and I take brewers yeast and pump after all daytime feedings. I have built back up a supply and am trying to wean off supplement now. Thankfully the supplement is all breastmilk now and I even have milk in the freezer. I'm hoping the bigger he gets the better he will nurse and I won't be tied to a pump. Feedings and pumping take a long time and its a huge commitment. One I have just about given up a few times. When you want to quit, sleep on it. Next day, you might want to again

Thanks for sharing. You are right that it definitely helps to sleep on it. This thread has captured my labile emotions quite well. One minute I am ready to stop and the next I am plotting ways to go just a bit longer ... I admire you for your dedication, it is a huge commitment!

[jlsquire0324]

Originally Posted by evasimone Update: I am feeling much more balanced and clear headed today. I'd like to blame it on postpartum hormones but sometimes I think it's just plain old frustration. The problem is low milk transfer. DD from midnight to midnight has taken in 12.66 ounces. Her first feed was at 6 a.m. so if I go from 6 a.m. to 6 a.m. the total will be higher but not enough obviously. Her first morning feed was fantastic, I was engorged and she took in 5.3 ounces , she lay there all happy and content and I was feeling like an idiot first time mom and then it just went downhill as the day progressed. Next feed was 1.6 oz, then .77 oz, then .6 oz, then a 2 ouncer etc. etc. I've been supplementing her from my freezer stash and what I've been able to pump daily (around 4 ounces). I am down to 30 ounces in the freezer and I don't know any lactating mothers to get donor milk from. I bought some Similac advantage because I know in a few days when the freezer stash is gone she'll need supplementing and I don't have enough milk to take care of her. I am not going to cold turkey quit breast feeding, I do have milk and it's beneficial to DD. I don't have the desire nor the ability to EP the necessary 10-12/day to maintain a supply although I am willing and able to sustain pumping 4-6 times per day and comfort nurse DD until my milk inevitably goes away. I am toying with the idea of Domperidone to boost my supply (It would cost me as much in copays to see my PCP for a reglan script as to buy 1 month of Domperidone) so I can stash as much milk as possible in the least amount of time (I'd be willing to put my life on hold and pump like a mad woman for 2 weeks or so to get a decent freezer stash just not long term). Thanks for sharing. You are right that it definitely helps to sleep on it. This thread has captured my labile emotions quite well. One minute I am ready to stop and the next I am plotting ways to go just a bit longer ... I admire you for your dedication, it is a huge commitment!

I feel the same way emotionally... I just keep hoping that one day nursing will be easy for us. Haven't had that day yet... Maybe one day I hope that whatever path you choose that you feel confident that you did your best! I had to give up nursing at 2mos w/DD (another story) but at least I knew I did my best. Show yourself some grace and take a deep breath the peace of mind that comes from knowing your baby is full and growing is wonderful... Whether its from formula or breastmilk. Good luck mama!

[mariannec32]

I totally agree with PP. You have been such a fighter through all this. If you ultimately make the switch to formula she will still be as perfect as she ever was. I know we all want to EB, but sometimes it truly does not work out.

With my first DS I fought for 4 months until the GI specialist told me I had to stop. We suffered through a PT tongue tie, terrible latching and damaged breasts, oversupply, complete total elimination diet... Nothing helped. He just kept getting worse and worse. Formula helped my little guy grow and finally stop being a miserable, sleep deprived baby in pain. I believe breastfeeding is best 100% but the guilt we face sometimes makes me sad. I was heartbroken to FF my son and you know what? He is an extremely bright healthy little boy. I have a much different view on formula now then I did back then. Now I have a 7 week old with another PT tie that was released and while it helped with the pain, he still isn't nursing quite as efficiently as I hoped he would. He is gaining ok but feedings last at least an hour and it's wearing me down. Especially when I have a 3 year old lashing out because I spend SO much time feeding. With caring for my family, keeping the house in running order and going back to work in a little over a week, I'm not sure if I will have enough time for this one to be EBF like I hoped. I'm taking it a day at a time. That's all I can do.

You have made it this far and that is wonderful! I think you deserve a breastfeeding Medal of Honor! SERIOUSLY. Your daughter is very lucky to have such a caring, selfless mama like you and she has already had many of the benefits from breastmilk. No matter how much longer you hang in there or if you completely quit today, you are a wonderful mother. (((Hugs)))

[evasimone]

This is probably my last update in my giant breastfeeding chronicle. I think I have found what works for me. I am pumping around 5 times per day, breastfeeding DD the first feeding of the morning (I've weighed her the last three mornings and she's gotten 5 oz, 3.5 oz, and 2.5 oz so it's enough). The rest will be bottles of either BM or formula. I may end up taking Domperidone just so I can get more BM with every pump but I am not sure.

My DD is so much happier and she's actually napping twice a day for the first time pretty much ever. It's amazing what a full tummy can achieve!

Originally Posted by jlsquire0324 I feel the same way emotionally... I just keep hoping that one day nursing will be easy for us. Haven't had that day yet... Maybe one day I hope that whatever path you choose that you feel confident that you did your best! I had to give up nursing at 2mos w/DD (another story) but at least I knew I did my best. Show yourself some grace and take a deep breath the peace of mind that comes from knowing your baby is full and growing is wonderful... Whether its from formula or breastmilk. Good luck mama!

Thank you! I am sorry you are going through this also and I sincerely hope it gets better for you both!

Originally Posted by mariannec32 I totally agree with PP. You have been such a fighter through all this. If you ultimately make the switch to formula she will still be as perfect as she ever was. I know we all want to EB, but sometimes it truly does not work out. With my first DS I fought for 4 months until the GI specialist told me I had to stop. We suffered through a PT tongue tie, terrible latching and damaged breasts, oversupply, complete total elimination diet... Nothing helped. He just kept getting worse and worse. Formula helped my little guy grow and finally stop being a miserable, sleep deprived baby in pain. I believe breastfeeding is best 100% but the guilt we face sometimes makes me sad. I was heartbroken to FF my son and you know what? He is an extremely bright healthy little boy. I have a much different view on formula now then I did back then. Now I have a 7 week old with another PT tie that was released and while it helped with the pain, he still isn't nursing quite as efficiently as I hoped he would. He is gaining ok but feedings last at least an hour and it's wearing me down. Especially when I have a 3 year old lashing out because I spend SO much time feeding. With caring for my family, keeping the house in running order and going back to work in a little over a week, I'm not sure if I will have enough time for this one to be EBF like I hoped. I'm taking it a day at a time. That's all I can do. You have made it this far and that is wonderful! I think you deserve a breastfeeding Medal of Honor! SERIOUSLY. Your daughter is very lucky to have such a caring, selfless mama like you and she has already had many of the benefits from breastmilk. No matter how much longer you hang in there or if you completely quit today, you are a wonderful mother. (((Hugs)))

Thank you for your comment; I remember you asking about if the clip helped because you were going to get it done also. I was really hoping you'd have a great outcome (reduced pain is fantastic though!). I hope he speeds up on the feedings, he sounds a lot like my DD with how long she'd take and then she'd turn around and want to nurse again immediately (which makes complete sense now! ). I hope it works out for you and thanks for your support!