The spanking debate.

[Celeste]

Originally Posted by ajane I appreciate everyone who has given me examples. But, I'm going to use Celeste's b/c it is pretty concise and similar to a situation we could have. What you described could be something similar that happens in our house, minus the spanking. I don't send the child away to "banish" them as I'm pretty sure you don't either. I do it to provide alone time for us to talk. oh, and feel free to just ignore me, but I since I'm not in your shoes and don't know your children, I'm just curious if the point would still get across without spanking.

Yes, the sending to the room isn't part of the punishment, it's so we can have a place to talk privately. Sometimes I don't spank after talking with the child. It depends on the situation and their response. Like, if I start talking to them and realize that they weren't purposefully being disobedient - maybe they didn't hear me, didn't understand what I wanted, or couldn't manage what I had asked of them. Or maybe I find out what happened was an accident. I can't tell you how many times one kid will come.crying to me that another hit them, only for me to find out they were just being silly together and bonked heads, or something like that. There are definitely times that I can get my point across.without spanking. It is a last resort for me.

[ulawolf]

Originally Posted by mjg2043 This has turned into a strange thread. Like many things on here I am always perplexed why people care how others choose to parent. Its not like we are going to change our minds. I've never had the - OMG a random person on an internet website about cloth diapers said I should/shouldn't do something so I better totally reevaluate my parenting - moment. I don't understand the defensiveness, but I guess I just have a position on things and let others choose their own.

I would like to say I have changed my mind in many things thanks.to mamas on here. Often actually. Does it.change that I think.spanking is a useful.tool? No however it does give me other useful.tools and options to try.

I think it is.all how you look.at.it. I am very open to learn new ways.to parent. I have five kids from 18 to 8 mo and the one thing I have learned is to.parent different children and be successful in meeting their needs at any given time you must be open to changing how you parent. So while I get upset sometimes when I read people who just throw blanket statements such as "I think any parent who spanks is lazy.or abusive " not.a direct quote. Because those statements are very close minded and jusgemental. I also.try to read different opinions with an open heart and a willingness to learn.

[ajane]

Originally Posted by mjg2043 This has turned into a strange thread. Like many things on here I am always perplexed why people care how others choose to parent. Its not like we are going to change our minds. I've never had the - OMG a random person on an internet website about cloth diapers said I should/shouldn't do something so I better totally reevaluate my parenting - moment. I don't understand the defensiveness, but I guess I just have a position on things and let others choose their own.

I disagree. We are all brought up with ideas of how we should do things, but it doesn't mean it is the way we should do things as a parent. It comes from being the only way we know. I have actually learned a lot from many mama's on here and have been able to address my parenting style to make sure I'm doing the best I can as a parent. Prior to being a member here I was 100% set to circ any boys we would have. When I found out I was pregnant with DS and came across anti circ threads, it got me thinking more about why I was making the decision to circ. I read the stories, looked at the links, and did a lot of research on my own. I realized that I didn't "have" to circ DS and so we left him intact. I can't tell you how greatful I am for other mama's who participated in those threads and suppported me through my decision process.

I don't have the idea that I'm the best and perfect parent. I can always learn from others and knowing that, I am open and willing. I strive to do the best for my children and will take in all information/knowledge/help I can to achieve that.

[Joyful Tie Dyes]

Originally Posted by leyash Funny... I don't remember saying it could be found in the bible. I was simply using it because it's a common "saying" that people go by. My dad is an ordained minister. I'm well aware it's not in the bible. Not word for word. ETA: I will not start arguing bible verses with you, just so you know. Any response to this where we are arguing what is/isn't found in the bible will be ignored by me. Thanks!

I am quite familiar with the Bible having read and studied it extensively. The point is people bring that quote up quite often in spanking discussions as 'proof' of a Biblical directive to spank without realizing that the line comes from a satirical poem.

Originally Posted by leyash And just, FTR. Proverbs 13:24 That's all.

This is you NOT quoting the Bible huh?

Originally Posted by Numommy Just for clarification: Proverbs 13:24 New King James Version (NKJV) 24 He who spares his rod hates his son, But he who loves him disciplines him promptly.

I do so prefer the KJV version of nearly everything. It just loses SO much to modernization.

[lecialefty]

Originally Posted by UVASahm Also, everyone replying to these threads should remember that these are just GENERAL comments. They aren't attacks on individuals.

I beg to differ:

Originally Posted by raymark View Post
I am very anti spanking!!!

I have nothing but foul nasty words for those who do spank & wish they were more interested in seeking the resources to become better patents than they are in smacking their kids.

What really disgusts me is the large # of spanking parents who scream animal abuse when a stranger smacks a puppy for disobedience but have no problem with smacking their own child ?!?!


That is directed at any one who uses spanking as discipline. So while she didn't use usernames/actual names it was still directed personally at people who spank.

[Hope4More]

Can't believe this one is still open.

So... Because I'm a glutton for punishment (or sick with the flu and therefore have lost all my faculties, despite being told on DS it is NOT the flu because you only get the flu once every so many years :head scratch: ), I'm opening a sound off thread where we can share some 'consequences' we use in our homes that seem to work. As I be been reading this thread, I've thought a couple times "huh, never thought of that", so we'll see if we can get that thread locked too

Soryr fro typos. Setn by iPhone.

[Spunkify]

Spanking has proven within our family (particularly my older children) to be ineffective and not to communicate what I want to communicate to my children.

[syfitz]

Dp

[syfitz]

Originally Posted by momtojande I think if you looked at my 5 years and however many posts of posting history, I've probably been wildly inconsistent. I've gone back & forth quite a bit over it. Well, not in one sense. I've never thought that spanking is necessarily evil. I was spanked and certainly never feared or resented my parents. So I've never been on that extreme end of the topic. But as to whether we should in our house, I've wavered. But: This has been my experience of the one place spanking has in our house. DS, particularly around age 3-4, just seemed to need, like you said, for us to MAKE him follow the rules. Specifically, that he is to be quiet and hold reasonably still in time out. He would go into an absolute rage at being in time out. I could tell him not to, but couldn't make him listen. And yes, I had bent over backwards trying to make him see it as a positive "cooling off" time. I even recall using the phrase "time in". I first tried redirecting him before even doing a time out. I tried reasoning with him, teaching him to express his feelings in healthy ways, was mildly obsessed with making sure he slept adequately and ate healthily, tried to model positive ways of dealing with stress, etc., etc., etc. I did those things. And they certainly all have their effect and I still believe wholeheartedly in all of that. And for my daughter, that is enough. She doesn't have any extra...I can't think of the right word. Defiance? Challenge? For DS though, he just refused to respond in the textbook manner. (It's like he didn't even bother to read those parenting books! Or even attend any lectures.) The one thing that worked was, telling him that if he kicked the walls & doors during time out he would get spanked. One spank for every kick. Open hand, on a clothed bottom. He tested that limit maybe the first 2-3 times I tried it, and occasionally afterwards, and learned that it was absolute. It was what he needed. Once he knew he had to calm down and control himself, he suddenly acquired that skill. And I think he was much better off for it! Because he got spanked a few times, he learned how to have a quiet, short time out to calm himself down and change his behavior. Before that, if he got a time out, it turned into extended rage, misery, drama. If my daughter was an only child, I could probably post here about how spanking is never necessary, and how there are always better ways. If my son was an only child, I might think I'm an idiot who can't get those lovely gentle parenting techniques to work.

Excellent post.

I have four children and have spanked two of them. The thought of spanking the two who haven't been seems absurd to me. For one of them it would just backfire and cause her to be angry, focusing on her punishment rather than what she did wrong. She's stubborn, headstrong, and wants to be independent as much as possible. Restricting her from what she wants to do or have is effective. For the other it would just be so overboard from what is needed, and would hurt her spirit. She is a very sensitive, thoughtful child who feels horrible about wrong doings before I can even speak to her about it. For the kids I have spanked, a spanking is like a reset button that they need to snap out of whatever is compelling them to misbehave and a reminder to control themselves in the future. I can count on one hand the total number of spankings I've ever given. I now just have to remind them that a spanking will be the consequence if the behavior continues.

[mommy2abigail]

We do not spank. Post #2 on this thread is what we DO do.

http://www.diaperswappers.com/forum/...tle+discipline