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Old 01-17-2013, 08:02 PM   #211
mommy2abigail
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Re: The spanking debate.

And, as a mama who doesn't spank, I do not believe that all mamas who choose to do so are lazy, uncaring, abusive, or neglecting their child's needs. Just like I don't believe that all AP mamas are permissive, weak, lazy, or raising co-dependent brats. Like one wise mama said on here, most ANY parenting 'method' or consequence or punishment can be effective, loving, abusive, and cruel. I have. Lose friends who choose to spank, I have close friends who choose not to. They are all wonderful mothers to their children, and I don't doubt their fierce love and devotion to their family for one second.

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Old 01-18-2013, 06:52 AM   #212
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Re: The spanking debate.

My DS is only 20 months, so we definitely do not spank at this point. I don't plan on spanking, but I'm not willing to make any blanket statements.

However, I always find it interesting that spanking gets such a bad rap, and yet nobody blinks about people yelling at their kids. I was spanked occasionally as a kid, but the default was my mom yelling at me. I have no scars from the spanking. But the yelling? Oh my goodness, I can't really describe it without getting anxious and getting a knot in my stomach, and I'm in my mid 30s. Think about how I felt about it 20 years ago! If I had to pick a parenting style to label as "lazy, done in anger, and possibly abusive" it would be yelling at your kids, not spanking.

I remember being around my pastor and his kids one time. One of his kids did something they weren't supposed to do. He said in a very calm voice, "M, you know you aren't allowed to do that. You are going to get a spanking when we get home." The kid was obviously upset, we finished up what we were doing and then we went back to their house. They went into M's room, I heard him describing what happened, why M was disobedient, and what he expected. Then there were a couple of smacks on the bum. They came out, and M snuggled up in his lap whimpering, but clearly not injured, while he gave her hugs and kisses and told her he loved her. That is spanking used appropriately.

So yeah, compared to my mom screaming at the top of her lungs, "Why can't you ever listen??? Can't you do anything right???", before storming off and leaving me alone and sobbing, his spanking was much much more instructive, more loving, and less abusive in my humble opinion.
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Old 01-18-2013, 07:16 AM   #213
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Time outs work just fine for us, so we haven't spanked. I also don't trust myself to not do it in anger, kwim?
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Old 01-18-2013, 07:41 AM   #214
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Re: The spanking debate.

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Originally Posted by jam's mum View Post
I welled up when I read your response. Thank you so much for your kindness .


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Originally Posted by mjg2043 View Post
This has turned into a strange thread. Like many things on here I am always perplexed why people care how others choose to parent. Its not like we are going to change our minds. I've never had the - OMG a random person on an internet website about cloth diapers said I should/shouldn't do something so I better totally reevaluate my parenting - moment.

I don't understand the defensiveness, but I guess I just have a position on things and let others choose their own.
I have re-evaluated my thoughts/stance on a few things thanks to women on here.

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Originally Posted by September View Post
Spanking has proven within our family (particularly my older children) to be ineffective and not to communicate what I want to communicate to my children.
From your siggy, it looks like your older kids are getting up there! Spanking my older two would harden their hearts against me I think
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