The spanking debate.

[Kiliki]

Originally Posted by lil'mommakaye he knows it breaks my heart to, ( that's why dh usually does it)

My Dad used to actually say to me "Please, PLEASE PLEASE don't make me spank you. I really don't WANT to. Please, please stop doing (whatever it was). Please. You know how to be good. Just be good. I love you so much and it hurts ME when I have to spank you. Please don't do that to me."

But I was so stubborn and sassy, I didn't care at the time.

After a spanking, I always got a hug and then a frowny face with "I wish that could have gone differently. I hope you will make a better choice next time."

[momgoddesswife]

I don't think all of us who don't spank even come close to believing that all people who do are abusers, I personally don't and would NEVER flippantly call anyone that.

I think to each his own, if that's the discipline route you choose and works for your child and family then all the power to you. We each have to do what is right and best for our families and just because I choose one way doesn't mean that's what's best for everyone.

[alyxmegan]

I don't think spanking is abuse when done right. Leaving bruises on a child is abuse even if it is called spanking. I don't believe in spanking because I am afraid it can get out of hand. I also feel that there are better ways to deal with a child that does not show them that hitting is ok.
As a child I was only spanked a few times when it was needed. DH was brutally spanked by his abusive father. Never by his mother. He respects as loves his mother and respects and fears his father to this day. I look at the difference in those relationships and that's all the proof I need to say no to spanking.
DH also has anger problems that he keeps in check but I fear if he starts spanking he may not control himself. So I say no to spanking in our house.

[lil'mommakaye]

Originally Posted by Kiliki My Dad used to actually say to me "Please, PLEASE PLEASE don't make me spank you. I really don't WANT to. Please, please stop doing (whatever it was). Please. You know how to be good. Just be good. I love you so much and it hurts ME when I have to spank you. Please don't do that to me." But I was so stubborn and sassy, I didn't care at the time. After a spanking, I always got a hug and then a frowny face with "I wish that could have gone differently. I hope you will make a better choice next time."

That is exactly how it goes down between ds and I.

[mommyofhjm]

We are spankers & make no apologies about it! I spank my children & BF spanks his children, we never spank the others child. Granted our 11 year olds don't really get spanked. Bf has spanked his once in the last year. They are old enough that grounding is more effective now. We don't spank for everything, groundings, extra chores, taking things away and timeouts are utilized more than anything. But I have not a single problem spanking my children when they are out of hand and I feel that spanking is the best course of action. I was spanked as a child. I don't hate my parents for it. I am not an abusive person now, never been in a fight in my life. So I don't agree that it breeds violence. I am sure I am a better person now for it.

[ssand23]

Originally Posted by alyxmegan What are your opinions on spanking? I am against spanking. I feel it is a lazy, mean and ineffective way to discipline a child. DH on the other hand feels that spanking teaches a child to respect. What do you think?

I completely agree with you. It's the lazy way out & the child doesn't learn what was wrong & why, just that they don't want to get hit again. Other methods do take more effort but they are more effective because you are helping your child to understand why it is wrong and that it something they will take with them.
My kids range from 3 years to 19 years. I have never spanked anyone.

[graceworks]

I never really weigh in on debate threads but I really think spanking is often misrepresented as abuse when it isn't.

We spank our toddler when she is defiantly disobedient. If she gets frustrated and does something she is not supposed to do, like throw a toy, we don't spank. But if we say, "DD, come here" and she looks us in the eye and says "NO" she will get a spanking (which is like a firm swat, not a beating). We believe in teaching our kids first time obedience. We do this because we believe that is a biblical way to discipline our children. We do not "hit" her in anger or hard enough to leave any mark of any kind. But we do spank when needed. We started with little "taps" on the hiney to get her attention with the word "no" when she was a younger toddler, but now she understands so she gets than just a tap.

Sometimes she will disobey, get a warning, then disobey again ON PURPOSE to the point of a spanking, just to see if we are going to really follow through and make her obey. Then when she gets the spanking she almost relaxes like "Ok this limit is for real, I have to obey mommy". I believe that kids really thrive well within limits/boundaries and they know what to expect from their world.

Some people have a problem with the word "obey" (I worked at a day care where we were not allowed to use the words "no" or "obey") but in my family it is Lesson One for our children. We want to raise obedient children. We follow closely to the philosophy in the book on raisinggodlytomatoes.com. My feeling is if I teach her obedience in her toddler years, it will make discipline easier as she gets older.

If you don't spank, what do you do when your child looks you in the eye and defies you?

My daughter isn't abused. She's a happy, healthy, loving child. My parents had the same parenting philosophy as us and my siblings were spanked although the story goes that I never had to be spanked because I was very sensitive and just the idea of being spanked would keep me from disobeying.

[Agla]

Originally Posted by momgoddesswife I don't think all of us who don't spank even come close to believing that all people who do are abusers, I personally don't and would NEVER flippantly call anyone that. I think to each his own, if that's the discipline route you choose and works for your child and family then all the power to you. We each have to do what is right and best for our families and just because I choose one way doesn't mean that's what's best for everyone.

I agree with this. I also have learned that each child has their own personality and bring their own set of challenges.

For example my first did not lay eyes on a screen of any kind for two years of his life. My fourth can turn on a computer or turn in a movie. What worked for my first did not work for the fourth.

[leyash]

I love first time obedience. There was a time, before life started spiraling into an uncontrolled chaos, that I firmly stuck my grounds on this. I believe that it teaches kids to be more obedient to God when they get older. Also, you never know when it is going to make a difference in life or death, so they need to listen the FIRST time they are told to do something. I think it's a great plan to follow, honestly.

[UVASahm]

I was never spanked but my sister was because she was ooc. She would only get swatted (I say swat because it was just a quick smack on the leg) when she was doing something that she 1. Knew was wrong and did it anyway and 2. When it was dangerous to her health. Ie. running into the street, jumping off the bunk bed, etc.

I remember it very well and didnt think my parents were wrong for doing it. In my expert kid opinion it was always warranted. My husband was spanked as well and is all for it. I, however, am on the fence. My son is only one so I might have a need for it when he is older but right now, I couldn't even imagine it. I do see it as necessary when he might do something in the future that is super dangerous.