*Update* post 43 How to Help Family with Deaf Infant

[vatblack]

Originally Posted by erin_c_odonnell We're a nearly all deaf family and use ASL (American sign). I think the biggest thing is they need to know their child IS normal. He just can't hear. I know it's a huge deal for someone new to this but encourage them to research, research, research. Not just 1 method but all and see what matches their family best. There are soooo many choices- and I will be honest I personally think oral only (cochlear or aids with no signing) is horrible and cheats the child AND the parents (I grew up oral till college). I don't care how many "professionals" tell them if they sign it will mess up their speech. They NEED language much more than speech. Off that soapbox, I would just recommend to you as family- treat them like a regular kid. Learn signs with him. Play with him just like always. Be supportive (which sounds like you already are Feel free to pm me too if you or sil has specific questions

I am a non-deaf person and I don't even know any deaf people, so excuse me for jumping in here and giving you advice! Feel free to dismiss me.

I am reading a book right now called "Far From the Tree". Chapter two is all about the Deaf (with a capital D) as a community opposed to being deaf as seen as an illness. It contains a lot of anecdotal stories of families dealing with a deaf children and how those children experienced ASL, implants, oral teaching etc.

The things that stood out for me was that 1) ASL is important as early as possible so that the language processing area of the brain do not atrophy and diminish their ability to become fluent in at least one language.
2) Deaf children who do not have exposure to other deaf people and who do not learn ASL often report feeling cut off from other people and lonely. The way I interpreted it was that you are Japanese in an English household and need some Japanese to talk to from time to time.
3) Children taught in the oral tradition only seem unhappy about it.

Now, this is what I have read in one chapter in one book. The author comes across as very balanced and tries to show all parts of the Deaf community and their believes. But since I'm not deaf and have no ties to the deaf community, I do not have any inclination as to how accurate it actually is.

Once your family is ready, and I suggest not right now as it may be too daunting right now - not all the stories are positive and happy, they can read that chapter in that book.

[mibarra]

Originally Posted by vatblack I am a non-deaf person and I don't even know any deaf people, so excuse me for jumping in here and giving you advice! Feel free to dismiss me. I am reading a book right now called "Far From the Tree". Chapter two is all about the Deaf (with a capital D) as a community opposed to being deaf as seen as an illness. It contains a lot of anecdotal stories of families dealing with a deaf children and how those children experienced ASL, implants, oral teaching etc. The things that stood out for me was that 1) ASL is important as early as possible so that the language processing area of the brain do not atrophy and diminish their ability to become fluent in at least one language. 2) Deaf children who do not have exposure to other deaf people and who do not learn ASL often report feeling cut off from other people and lonely. The way I interpreted it was that you are Japanese in an English household and need some Japanese to talk to from time to time. 3) Children taught in the oral tradition only seem unhappy about it. Now, this is what I have read in one chapter in one book. The author comes across as very balanced and tries to show all parts of the Deaf community and their believes. But since I'm not deaf and have no ties to the deaf community, I do not have any inclination as to how accurate it actually is. Once your family is ready, and I suggest not right now as it may be too daunting right now - not all the stories are positive and happy, they can read that chapter in that book.

Who is the author? Id be interested to see this info! I know there was a period of time where the technology to hear adequately for speech just wasn't there, and children were forced to only use speech when it really wasn't reasonable, and sign was very looked down on. Then there was push back from that to swing more towards sign. I am genuinely curious to see this info I wonder how old many of these people are, as I know several deaf young adults with implants who feel at home in the hearing community and don't feel unhappy at all about their oral upbringing. Like I said, lots of options, no right answer!

[lizdanielle]

See if there is a strong deaf community or school near by. Those with first hand experience may have different opinions that you and your family would like to know about.

[vatblack]

Originally Posted by mibarra Who is the author? Id be interested to see this info! I know there was a period of time where the technology to hear adequately for speech just wasn't there, and children were forced to only use speech when it really wasn't reasonable, and sign was very looked down on. Then there was push back from that to swing more towards sign. I am genuinely curious to see this info I wonder how old many of these people are, as I know several deaf young adults with implants who feel at home in the hearing community and don't feel unhappy at all about their oral upbringing. Like I said, lots of options, no right answer!

The author is: Andrew Solomon. The book is about how parents deal with children who are "other" than they are. Other chapters deal with homosexuality, Down Syndrome, child prodigies etc. etc. So, the book isn't to educate about Deaf and what it is like to be deaf. It does go into detail about how all the different systems were experienced ay different people. There are stories of children who got implants, then turned it off once they found the ASL community. There are stories of children who got implants and liked it.

I was championing for ASL to be taught to the child early because from what I have read and know as a linguist, it is important for the development of the language processing region of the brain to get language as soon as possible. Whatever follows is a bonus.

But again, I am not deaf and are really probably speaking out of turn.

[erin_c_odonnell]

I agree with mibarra- the oral vs sign is Extremely emotionally charged and controversial. Like she mentioned, I don't see why it has to be mutually exclusive. I think the main goal like vatblack was saying is language first, speech later. I totally get the Japanese in English household comparison (personally). The hearing parent feels this way sometimes too when they first find out their child is deaf- like all of a sudden this child is an alien from another planet. It's a shock to find your child isn't 100% like you. (Hope that makes sense).
Dh was a instructor at a deaf college in TX and I did ministry there after I graduated from there. In all the years I can count on 1 hand how many deaf that were oral only honestly could say they were glad they didn't sign. Like maybe 1. Then again it was a deaf college. In my life I've come across only a few others but even they took the time to learn a few signs.
Another thing that makes ALL the difference more than sign, oral, aids or CI was being loved accepted and INCLUDED by their families. Communicate with him- signs, oral, whatever. As long as you have that I think he will be a happy well rounded child.

[MrsCrafty]

I think that getting them a signing time and just showing support is great. My DS is hard of hearing and whats always touched me the most is people not pitying but just being accepting. One of my nephews used money from his piggy bank to buy DS a sign board book when he was a baby. Things like that.
We have had several ABRs and they are usually pretty simple, my DS has always handled sedation very well. One thing that I hadn't really considered until more recently is seeing a genetics specialist to try and find a reason behind the hearing. My son has an inner ear abnormality, we just saw genetics last week and they took blood that they'll send to Harvard for specialized DNA testing and hopefully that will give us some answers. They checked for things I didn't even know were more common in kids that are deaf/HOH, like heart issues.
Anyhow, I'd say just be supportive and let them know if they need anything, your there.

[MrsCrafty]

dp

[mibarra]

Originally Posted by vatblack I was championing for ASL to be taught to the child early because from what I have read and know as a linguist, it is important for the development of the language processing region of the brain to get language as soon as possible. Whatever follows is a bonus. But again, I am not deaf and are really probably speaking out of turn.

Sorry if I came on too strong, I'm typing on my phone. I agree 100%, language first! I'm an SLP and the first thing we did when we found out was start signing immediately. I think that played a huge role in my DD testing average for oral vocabulary after only a year of implants. She already knew the words, she just needed to translate them to speech

I just think a lot of people don't realize that you really have to start early if you truly want oral language to be a viable option. It involves not only teaching speech but also listening skills. That's all. Didn't mean to sound pushy or judgemental!

[jen_batten]

This will probably show my stupidity, but I didn't even realize that some people with deaf children don't sign and only try to do oral. I guess I just assumed that as soon as you found out you start signing as much as you can and *if* the oral stuff is an option and *if* you want to pursue it then that's just one more way to communicate. I have a lot to learn.

I don't think there is a deaf school nearby. I saw online that there is one in Kansas City and in St. Louis but both of those are 3-4 hours away. Is there one in Springfield MO? It's a pretty big city and I didn't see that they had one online but maybe I could have missed it.

I will check out the book vatblack mentioned when I get a chance. My DD is special needs (though not hearing related) so maybe I'll find a nugget of wisdom to use with my own kiddos too. Is their any other books that any of you would recommend? Or websites? What's the best ASL book? I like the signing time movies but it might be nice to have a book if you just need to look something up real quick. Are their any good resources I could put on my Kindle?

Also, how stong of a role does gentics play in being deaf/HoH? They were planning more kids somewhere down the line, and I also wondered because their daughter will be 2 in April and does not have any clear spoken language. Is it possible that she has a hearing problem that's been missed up til now, or is it more likely that she's just a late talker?

Sorry for all the questions that probably sound crazy to you all! But you've been a big help and I appriciate it.

[mibarra]

Originally Posted by jen_batten This will probably show my stupidity, but I didn't even realize that some people with deaf children don't sign and only try to do oral. I guess I just assumed that as soon as you found out you start signing as much as you can and *if* the oral stuff is an option and *if* you want to pursue it then that's just one more way to communicate. I have a lot to learn. I don't think there is a deaf school nearby. I saw online that there is one in Kansas City and in St. Louis but both of those are 3-4 hours away. Is there one in Springfield MO? It's a pretty big city and I didn't see that they had one online but maybe I could have missed it. I will check out the book vatblack mentioned when I get a chance. My DD is special needs (though not hearing related) so maybe I'll find a nugget of wisdom to use with my own kiddos too. Is their any other books that any of you would recommend? Or websites? What's the best ASL book? I like the signing time movies but it might be nice to have a book if you just need to look something up real quick. Are their any good resources I could put on my Kindle? Also, how stong of a role does gentics play in being deaf/HoH? They were planning more kids somewhere down the line, and I also wondered because their daughter will be 2 in April and does not have any clear spoken language. Is it possible that she has a hearing problem that's been missed up til now, or is it more likely that she's just a late talker? Sorry for all the questions that probably sound crazy to you all! But you've been a big help and I appriciate it.

You'll be better off with a signing app (Signing Time even has one) or another app that has a large library and videos of the signs. I find the books to be difficult to interpret what exactly I'm supposed to do with my hands.

There is probably not a school in Springfield. It is, compared to other things considered technically 'disabilities', a very small population. Most deaf children are born to hearing parents. It can be genetic, but not necessarily. There is also some shocking information about how few hearing families truly learn more than basic sign. Sometimes none at all. And dad's are statistically speaking much worse than moms.