Diaper Swappers

Green Decals · 01-23-2013, 04:20 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by badmisterkitty

Originally Posted by Green Decals
Okay, this thread kind of annoys me - just like the man-bashing that goes on in parenting magazines, making dads out to be incapable fools or child-rearing idiots. It's shameful, and women should have more respect for their husbands (and their sons, who are growing up in this culture of "incapable" men). My husband pulls his weight and then some, including laundry, cooking, cleaning, child health responsibilities, farm chores, and working full-time. If your husband is "incapable" then teach him. Otherwise, you are just enabling him, and I personally feel that the enabling and man-bashing is detrimental to children and not conducive to a healthy marriage.

Well, I think most of us were having a good-natured rant up till now. I'm glad you have a wonderful, capable husband who doesn't need prompting to get the job done. We're not all so wonderfully blessed. I fail to see the connection between comiserating with others in the same boat and wrecking my kids and marriage. My kids can't read and my husband actually benefits from these kind of threads because I come away with a refreshed perspective and I enable him even more than usual. HA! I do not think a lazy husband = dealbreaker in a marriage. I'm sorry if I offended or annoyed anyone with my little rant today, but truth is truth and if I wanted a little show of hands or support, the size of this thread tells me I'm not alone. I'm not going to go around polishing a turd for all to see, though.

Trashing your husband behind his back is downright disrespectful. I fail to see how doing so in a public forum benefits your husband. If you are coming here to vent that your DH is "so ill-equipped to exist" then clearly you have issues that need to be addressed - and not here. My husband isn't perfect. Neither am I. But we are a team, a partnership, and we pay equal roles in our household and in parenting. I am more peeved about the general attitude of our society than this specific post - your post is simply one of many that carry the same tone.

ETA: How many of the mamas participating in this "good natured rant" would unashamedly share their posts with their husbands? If the roles were reversed and your DH was ranting to other guys about how "ill-equipped to exist" YOU are, how would you feel? If your children could read, would you share this with them?

nonipie · 01-23-2013, 04:22 PM

IDK I really don't think most men are like this. I am always surprised when topics like this come up. I know ONE man that is kinda like this and it's because his mother did everything for him and now his wife does and she acts like a martyr. I know many, many more men who take equal care of their children and homes. All of the men in my family were fully capable so I guess those were the type of men I was drawn to. I would not have married a man that wasn't honestly. I can't see what the appeal would be. I'm not trying to be offensive I just would not be attracted to someone like that. What drew me to my DH was that he was a grown-up. Living on his own, cooking and caring for himself like an adult. It's not a man or woman thing, it's an adult thing.I don't want to teach a grown man how to act like an adult. Not fun at all to me. I don't ever leave him "honey do" lists, he lives here too and knows what needs to be done.

I'm trying to understand what you guys are talking about. Like if you say, "hey the dishes need to be washed" or "who's bathing the kids tonight?", would your husband just not do it? What do you say when that happens? Or is it like he doesn't see stuff and do it as quickly as you would? Do you fight about it? If my DH was playing video games instead of making the kids dinner when I'm busy with something else then the xbox would find it's way under the wheels of my car and we would for sure be in couples therapy if it happened all the time. That would make me feel seriously under valued and disrespected.

steph410 · 01-23-2013, 05:02 PM

I would never want to trash my husband publicly, but I will say that in my experience I believe that men are made completely differently than women. I really don't think they are designed to see and tend to the details of home/family life the way that women are. Of course I am sure there are exceptions, but I have yet to see one. I don't see it as a flaw, just the way men are designed. Besides, there are many many things that men in general do much better than I ever could and there are many things they just want to do naturally that I have zero desire to do . I appreciate the God-given differences.

dancermommy1 · 01-23-2013, 05:15 PM

Shoot. My DH can watch DS, catch the game on tv, do the laundry, work a few hours from home and cook dinner (with a nice presentation). I'm the one who can barely keep it together! And I know how to do it all I just don't have the energy!

However I do think some men are babied. They are "mama's boys" after all.

DottieHarley · 01-23-2013, 05:31 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by addicteddad

7. Clean the car. Finish your bottled waters!

LOL... Hi honey ;-). As much as I hate it when DH leaves whiskers in the sink grrrrrrrr I do have a habit of leaving water glasses all over the house. Bc I'm going to refill it :-) i am often asked if i am protecting the family from aliens.
I think what's helpful is the things that bug me, that I need to do before relaxing, are not the things that bug DH. So together we get probably 95 percent of things covered :-)

MommaLEB · 01-23-2013, 05:49 PM

I think some people are just like that, man or woman. I personally couldn't be with someone like that. DH and I are equals in almost everything.

EmilytheStrange · 01-23-2013, 05:49 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by DottieHarley

I think what's helpful is the things that bug me, that I need to do before relaxing, are not the things that bug DH. So together we get probably 95 percent of things covered :-)

This was me and my college roommate. She was clean, I was tidy. She didn't mind leaving things everywhere, but needed things scrubbed. I hate things out.

Just understanding the differences between people helps a ton.

Bellaroo · 01-23-2013, 06:04 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Green Decals

Okay, this thread kind of annoys me - just like the man-bashing that goes on in parenting magazines, making dads out to be incapable fools or child-rearing idiots. It's shameful, and women should have more respect for their husbands (and their sons, who are growing up in this culture of "incapable" men). My husband pulls his weight and then some, including laundry, cooking, cleaning, child health responsibilities, farm chores, and working full-time. If your husband is "incapable" then teach him. Otherwise, you are just enabling him, and I personally feel that the enabling and man-bashing is detrimental to children and not conducive to a healthy marriage.

Exactly!

mommy24babes · 01-23-2013, 06:05 PM

Ahhhhhh I so found this thread at the right time.

We leave on vacation Saturday. Dh is convinced I should be able to fit clothes and toiletries for 4 kids 1,3,6, and 8 plus 2 adults in 2 suitcases!
Trying to make lists so we don't forget anything important. Calling to confirm trip details. Ect

Making sure bills are paid before we leave.
Training a 16 week puppy.

We just got over 3 rounds of stomach flu and I'm the only one doing any cleaning or laundry. Still have not even begun to catch up yet.

Repair people coming in to fix my leaky shower.
Arrangements for rental car when away.

Dh still arguing that 7 people, their luggage ,and a double stroller should fit in our caravan.

Oh and trying to finish up last minute work that has to get done.

I'm a bit stressed. So who is watching tv and who is putting the kids to bed?!

I told him I was stressed and he said maybe my work needs to take a back seat!

What kills me is that I know he can do it. He can even do a better job than me! He just doesn't even pick up after himself. I swear his night stand collects glasses until its full or my cupboard is empty

debcita429 · 01-23-2013, 06:10 PM

p.s.--I'd like to add to my previous posts that every time I see this thread's title come up it really disturbs me. I feel offended for men. The conversation itself has generally been more evenhanded, but I know I would want a man to stick up for me if someone were starting a thread about women with this title. And so here is me saying that the title is offensive.

01-23-2013, 04:22 PM	#102
nonipie Registered Users Join Date: Nov 2009 Location: Chicago Posts: 5,809 Ratings: 31 Feedback: 100%	Re: Why Are Most Men So Ill-Equiped To Exist? IDK I really don't think most men are like this. I am always surprised when topics like this come up. I know ONE man that is kinda like this and it's because his mother did everything for him and now his wife does and she acts like a martyr. I know many, many more men who take equal care of their children and homes. All of the men in my family were fully capable so I guess those were the type of men I was drawn to. I would not have married a man that wasn't honestly. I can't see what the appeal would be. I'm not trying to be offensive I just would not be attracted to someone like that. What drew me to my DH was that he was a grown-up. Living on his own, cooking and caring for himself like an adult. It's not a man or woman thing, it's an adult thing.I don't want to teach a grown man how to act like an adult. Not fun at all to me. I don't ever leave him "honey do" lists, he lives here too and knows what needs to be done. I'm trying to understand what you guys are talking about. Like if you say, "hey the dishes need to be washed" or "who's bathing the kids tonight?", would your husband just not do it? What do you say when that happens? Or is it like he doesn't see stuff and do it as quickly as you would? Do you fight about it? If my DH was playing video games instead of making the kids dinner when I'm busy with something else then the xbox would find it's way under the wheels of my car and we would for sure be in couples therapy if it happened all the time. That would make me feel seriously under valued and disrespected. __________________ Married to my soulmate Chris since 2004 Mama to big boy D 8/12/06, Big Girl M 3/7/10 and my sweet new boy E 9/10/12! ISO:MM Optimus Prime, MM Time Lord and Supreme Dalek

01-23-2013, 05:02 PM	#103
steph410 Registered Users Join Date: Mar 2008 Posts: 5,925 Ratings: 293 Feedback: 100% My Mood:	Re: Why Are Most Men So Ill-Equiped To Exist? I would never want to trash my husband publicly, but I will say that in my experience I believe that men are made completely differently than women. I really don't think they are designed to see and tend to the details of home/family life the way that women are. Of course I am sure there are exceptions, but I have yet to see one. I don't see it as a flaw, just the way men are designed. Besides, there are many many things that men in general do much better than I ever could and there are many things they just want to do naturally that I have zero desire to do . I appreciate the God-given differences. __________________ Catholic mom to five wonderful little boys- we welcomed our newest baby on 4/6/13

01-23-2013, 05:15 PM	#104
dancermommy1 Registered Users Join Date: Jan 2010 Posts: 2,156 Ratings: 11 Feedback: 100%	Re: Why Are Most Men So Ill-Equiped To Exist? Shoot. My DH can watch DS, catch the game on tv, do the laundry, work a few hours from home and cook dinner (with a nice presentation). I'm the one who can barely keep it together! And I know how to do it all I just don't have the energy! However I do think some men are babied. They are "mama's boys" after all. __________________ Bellydancing, Jesus-loving, cloth-diapering ecologist and Mommy to Michael Christopher, born July 8, 2010!! Please Visit my ETSY store benefiting women and children in poverty! http://www.etsy.com/shop/conspiracyoflove YOU can make a difference in developing countries, one precious child at a time! http://conspiracy-of-love.blogspot.com

01-23-2013, 05:49 PM	#106
MommaLEB Registered Users Join Date: Aug 2010 Location: Pittsburgh, PA Posts: 541 Ratings: 4 Feedback: 100% My Mood:	Re: Why Are Most Men So Ill-Equiped To Exist? I think some people are just like that, man or woman. I personally couldn't be with someone like that. DH and I are equals in almost everything. __________________ Wife to E 10-29-05. Mom to tougHGirl L 5-4-10 tougHGuy B 5-1-13

01-23-2013, 06:05 PM	#109
mommy24babes Registered Users Join Date: Mar 2012 Location: Ontario Canada Posts: 1,136 Ratings: 18 Feedback: 100% My Mood:	Ahhhhhh I so found this thread at the right time. We leave on vacation Saturday. Dh is convinced I should be able to fit clothes and toiletries for 4 kids 1,3,6, and 8 plus 2 adults in 2 suitcases! Trying to make lists so we don't forget anything important. Calling to confirm trip details. Ect Making sure bills are paid before we leave. Training a 16 week puppy. We just got over 3 rounds of stomach flu and I'm the only one doing any cleaning or laundry. Still have not even begun to catch up yet. Repair people coming in to fix my leaky shower. Arrangements for rental car when away. Dh still arguing that 7 people, their luggage ,and a double stroller should fit in our caravan. Oh and trying to finish up last minute work that has to get done. I'm a bit stressed. So who is watching tv and who is putting the kids to bed?! I told him I was stressed and he said maybe my work needs to take a back seat! What kills me is that I know he can do it. He can even do a better job than me! He just doesn't even pick up after himself. I swear his night stand collects glasses until its full or my cupboard is empty Last edited by mommy24babes; 01-23-2013 at 06:16 PM.