Why Are Most Men So Ill-Equiped To Exist?

[EmmaGM]

If the stereotype bothers mh, he has a funny way of showing it.

He's very involved and capable when it comes to DS. But I literally follow him around the house picking up after him every where he goes. It's pathetic.

I want to tell him, like a child, "if you just put things away after you take them out there wouldn't be such a mess" but since he's a 30yo child me saying that is just rude, mean, or "naggy."

They do it because they can.

[UVASahm]

I 100% agree it depends on what they were made to do as children young adults and even adults. My mil did my dhs laundry all through college. I don't mean when he came home. She would drive an hour to the college, pick it up, wash and fold, drive back and put away. All while my dh partied and did some studying....it makes me sick to even think about it. The first year of our marriage she still bought his underwear, socks, etc and would ship them to us even though we had plenty of money to do this on our own...

BUT I also think they can change. We have only been married for two years but he has started to take initiative when it comes to household duties. The first year I would ask him to do everything I needed him to do which gets really old after awhile. He finally! Is starting to take out trash, empty dishwasher, etc. and he wakes up with the little man both days on the weekends so he doesn't get to stay up all night playing video games.

The only thing we need to work on is him thinking that if I am home, I am the sole caregiver of our son. I physically need to leave the house or be sleeping for him to lift a finger in that dept. but he will get it soon....even if it kills me!

[Almacham]

Originally Posted by Bellaroo I don't think it is fair to say that most men are ill-equipped to survive. -Our society has a horrible habit of making it sound like men are ignorant fools who are totally incapable of functioning or parenting on their own (those Daddy Huggies commercials are just one example). We raise our boys in this atmosphere and then criticize our husbands when they don't meet our standard. If my DH is less skilled in some areas (like seeing that the cutlery drawer needs to be organized) he certainly makes up for it in other ways that I would thunder-in on. We complement each other rather than each sharing the same skill set. Also, even though we might see different things as being important, I am 100% confident that if I were to die my husband could step in and take over raising our son and that he would do a wonderful job.

My SO is a loving parent. He's not an ignorant fool and he has the ability to do everything that I do every day. He just doesn't. Once you are an adult you should be able to figure some things out on your own, such as even if you were raised to think that your wife will do a better job than you it doesn't mean it's true. And why not take the initiative to find out? I hate laundry and never did it as a child and my mom always made jokes about me, as an adult, buying new outfits weekly because I just couldn't do the laundry. But when I became an adult do you think that's what actually happened or do you think I said this has to be done so I will get it done, and laundered the clothing?

When I told my SO about this thread he said, "Well as far as the food and feeding everybody goes, I don't know anything about that so I just don't do it."

I could show him any time. I praise his efforts when he does try. So....

[iwiamandaiwi]

Originally Posted by Almacham I agree with escapethevillage. It's not offensive at all to me. It's just the truth. My brother is 21 years old and can't do jack crap for himself, from organizing/cleaning to cooking to even driving. His gf or my aunt have to do it. My SO is somewhat like that. He can do a little cleaning (not everyday), takes out the trash, enforces time outs, pays bills (for now), and cook three meals (macaroni and cheese, stir fry and soup, two of which I help him with and none of which he's made in two months now). Beyond that, it's all on me... Even his chores won't be done if I don't direct him to do so. I blame his mom, bless her. She really coddled him and it shows. She still takes care of everything around here when she "visits" and he's perfectly fine with letting her.

sure you can difinitely blame his mom but you also have to blame all the other women in his life that are enabling his behavior. Men are not going to grow up unless they are forced to...

[Puppydog]

My DH grew up on a farm in Zimbabwe where each child had a house boy. He went to boarding school where they had a house mother. He left school and had a full time maid until he married me and now, apparently, I'm the maid.

I fully blame how he was raised. It is THE only thing we fight about. He is a child when it comes to our home.

His job, garbage. And I have to nag.

I do everything else or it won't get done. That includes the swimming pool.

[UVASahm]

Originally Posted by badmisterkitty Great conversation, keep it rolling! My MIL is the first to admit she expected nothing of her boys. So, I know where it's coming from, but can they not learn? At what point do you look at your frazzled wife and just do something, anything, to help her? I used to feel like we had a good division of labor. When we had one kid and even when we had just 2 it was all good and fine. Now that we have 3, it's gotten out of hand. I spend most of my weekends and evenings trying to get the house in order, make plans for the future, and just generally trying to stay one step ahead, all with 2 demanding kids at my feet and one on my hip. I have actual guilt that he does most of the baby feeding and rocking these days because I am busy doing other things. I would LOVE to sit and rock a baby all evening, but nothing would get done. I've decided my "project" for the week is to not pick up one single toy. Just see how long it takes him to figure it out. I know I need to talk to him, but how many times can I say, "i need more help?" before he gets it? Just look around, fine something to do. It's not hard.

Honestly, what I found worked best for my husband is if he has set things that he is in charge of... I know that sounds really juvenile, but it works for us. For example, while we are out and about with the baby he has to do all the heavy lifting. Getting the stroller out putting the baby I said stroller. I organize everything. Make sure everything is in the diaper bag,etc. he is in charge of trash, recycling, changing over laundry, emptying dishwasher, putting away groceries when he is home, and giving baby bath when he is home.

[Mom2Connor]

To be honest, my hubby is an awesome parent. He is better than me most days (more patient, likes to cook, etc). He grew up with a single mom who worked two jobs, so he knows how to take care of a home/family.

I think it's partially personality and partially how they are raised that mold kid rearing skills. And desire to be a parent helps.

[Almacham]

Originally Posted by iwiamandaiwi sure you can difinitely blame his mom but you also have to blame all the other women in his life that are enabling his behavior. Men are not going to grow up unless they are forced to...

There's no forcing him. He really won't do it, trust me.

I also ask him for help and give him opportunities to do so.

[EmmaGM]

Honey-do lists have helped us to some extent. But it's the details that kill me. He'll wash the dishes, but walk away with little puddles all over the counters.

He'll sweep the floor, but not put the broom away.

He feeds DS, but doesn't wipe off his chair when he's finished and leaves every dirty bib just sitting around somewhere.

And on and on.

[iwiamandaiwi]

I am having a hard time understanding how a lot of people are saying that these men were raised in homes where they weren't expected to lift a finger. So are you saying that the daughters of the household were expected to do their share but not the sons? What is the reasoning behind this? I expect my boys to be responsible for themselves. They are young now and this only means now that they have to brush their teeth and pick up after themselves but soon my ODS will be in school and he will start having chores and an allowance. I would not dream of treating my sons any different than my daughter. No matter what their gender is they still need to learn how to care for themselves and take care of their responsibilities.