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Old 01-25-2013, 09:01 PM   #191
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The very issue with this thread (and it's repeated elsewhere in mainstream media) is that men are incapable fools. They aren't. Portraying them as such for the sake of "a good laugh" is only detrimental to the cause. Men and women are different, and for very good reasons. However, we are nonetheless equals.

Complaining about how "incapable" your husband is of taking the trash to the curb, so you pile up 12 bags of it? Just take the freaking trash out yourself - how incapable are you?

Good luck to you all in raising your sons to be capable men among your belief that men in society are "so I'll-equipped to even exist".
The point is that they ARE capable, but some choose not to help. I WOH almost as many hours as DH does. Yes, he is just as capable of feeding, bathing, and clothing our children as I am. He can also cook, clean, and do laundry. I've seen him do it. However, he won't do ANY of these things if I'm around to do them. I can be a flu-riddled mess and IF he agrees to pick the kids up from daycare, he will drop the baby on the bed with me as soon as he walks in the door. If the laundry gets piled up for any reason, he will pull only his own clothes out and wash them.

This is the same man who raves about his foster mother's method of assigning all the kids chores and how everyone helped.

He's not helpless, or incapable. In that, you are correct. He's quite capable, which is why its frustrating when he leaves trash on the counter, dirty socks on the floor, and coffee rings on every flat surface in the house. He, along with many husbands, simply chooses not to help. That may fly in your household, and that's your choice, but my sons will not grow up thinking its ok to leaves messes for someone else to clean up.

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Old 01-25-2013, 09:17 PM   #192
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Re: Why Are Most Men So Ill-Equiped To Exist?

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The point is that they ARE capable, but some choose not to help. I WOH almost as many hours as DH does. Yes, he is just as capable of feeding, bathing, and clothing our children as I am. He can also cook, clean, and do laundry. I've seen him do it. However, he won't do ANY of these things if I'm around to do them. I can be a flu-riddled mess and IF he agrees to pick the kids up from daycare, he will drop the baby on the bed with me as soon as he walks in the door. If the laundry gets piled up for any reason, he will pull only his own clothes out and wash them.

This is the same man who raves about his foster mother's method of assigning all the kids chores and how everyone helped.

He's not helpless, or incapable. In that, you are correct. He's quite capable, which is why its frustrating when he leaves trash on the counter, dirty socks on the floor, and coffee rings on every flat surface in the house. He, along with many husbands, simply chooses not to help. That may fly in your household, and that's your choice, but my sons will not grow up thinking its ok to leaves messes for someone else to clean up.
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Old 01-25-2013, 09:23 PM   #193
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Ha ha I'm reminded of the other day my mom was over and my dd was downstairs playing with my DH and mom. I could hear her poop her pants... The they were laughing cause her fart/poop was so loud... Then I hear 'Lisa... Uhhh can you come here...'

I threw a diaper down the stairs at them and said 'nice try'
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Old 01-25-2013, 10:13 PM   #194
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Re: Why Are Most Men So Ill-Equiped To Exist?

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The point is that they ARE capable, but some choose not to help. I WOH almost as many hours as DH does. Yes, he is just as capable of feeding, bathing, and clothing our children as I am. He can also cook, clean, and do laundry. I've seen him do it. However, he won't do ANY of these things if I'm around to do them. I can be a flu-riddled mess and IF he agrees to pick the kids up from daycare, he will drop the baby on the bed with me as soon as he walks in the door. If the laundry gets piled up for any reason, he will pull only his own clothes out and wash them.

This is the same man who raves about his foster mother's method of assigning all the kids chores and how everyone helped.

He's not helpless, or incapable. In that, you are correct. He's quite capable, which is why its frustrating when he leaves trash on the counter, dirty socks on the floor, and coffee rings on every flat surface in the house. He, along with many husbands, simply chooses not to help. That may fly in your household, and that's your choice, but my sons will not grow up thinking its ok to leaves messes for someone else to clean up.
That's just selfish. Sorry you have to live with that, it totally wouldn't fly in my house. In fact, reading about some of the husbands on here who play video games all night then sleep all day makes me . DH used to have that luxury on the weekends... Then we had kids, and kids change things, and we all have just a little bit less leisure and/or "alone" time than we used to. I am honestly shocked at how some of your husbands are, ladies...

Here's my point: Do you think they do those things because "mainstream media" (i.e. Sitcoms and magazines) portray it as normal and okay? Because you all seem to think that they are capable (and I fully agree) but then why do they do it? See my point? That's why I feel this thread, and the idea of incapable men, just further feeds the issue. They ARE capable.
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Old 01-25-2013, 10:36 PM   #195
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That's just selfish. Sorry you have to live with that, it totally wouldn't fly in my house. In fact, reading about some of the husbands on here who play video games all night then sleep all day makes me . DH used to have that luxury on the weekends... Then we had kids, and kids change things, and we all have just a little bit less leisure and/or "alone" time than we used to. I am honestly shocked at how some of your husbands are, ladies...

Here's my point: Do you think they do those things because "mainstream media" (i.e. Sitcoms and magazines) portray it as normal and okay? Because you all seem to think that they are capable (and I fully agree) but then why do they do it? See my point? That's why I feel this thread, and the idea of incapable men, just further feeds the issue. They ARE capable.
My DH does it (or doesn't so it) because he sees no point wiping up a coffee ring if the floor needs to be swept. Because if he's going to sweep, he might as well mop. And who has time to mop?? :rollseyes:

Personally, I think he knows that if he leaves it long enough, I'll eventually just do it. Isn't that what you said we should do? Nag less and just take the trash out ourselves? Which I do now, btw. I take the trash to the can outside, and then take the cans to the curb. DH forgot too many weeks in a row and now its just easier to do it myself to ensure it gets done.

TV has nothing to do with it. We enable them to behave this way, even if we don't realize it. I look back and can see where I set the precedent.
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Old 01-25-2013, 11:53 PM   #196
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My DH does it (or doesn't so it) because he sees no point wiping up a coffee ring if the floor needs to be swept. Because if he's going to sweep, he might as well mop. And who has time to mop?? :rollseyes:.
I totally get this. This is how my mind works exactly. I don't see 1 thing that I need to do, I see 5. And I can let myself get easily overwhelmed just by the thought of starting it.

You should hear me every time it's actually time to mop the floors. I am so not looking forward to it, I actually whine about 'ugh, gotta do the floors after dinner'.

So I totally understand this mindset. Fortunately, I guess, I also know it has to get done, so I just do it.

But there are days when I see that the couch needs to be vacuumed (cat hair) and then I'm like 'but I also need to dust the tables and ugh...' so I don't do it then.

I get this way about showering and getting ready some mornings... Forcing yourself to do things even when you'd prefer to just not.... It's not always easy.
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Old 01-26-2013, 07:10 AM   #197
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Re: Why Are Most Men So Ill-Equiped To Exist?

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Which is totally fine if that's a situation you and your DH are happy with.

Not everyone is a SAHM, or has a DH who works long hours, ect ect. Every situation is different. Since we both work outside the home I expect my DH to do more around the house than I would if I were home.

But I think in general men definitely perceive the world differently, too.
I was talking about ME and MY family. I never once said anything else about others' situations.

My dh can't fix anything to save his life. But, he never had a father figure who showed/taught him. You can't expect anyone to just know how to do something. It goes along with household responsibilities also. Most of those are more natural for woman, but not in all cases.
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Old 01-26-2013, 07:23 AM   #198
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Re: Why Are Most Men So Ill-Equiped To Exist?

I don't think this should be a spitting contest of who is venting and who isn't venting. The sarcastic comment about if one doesn't vent about their dh the are so happy for them to have such a perfect marriage left a really ill taste in my mouth. Seriously? Who cares if people don't vent about their dh's. It does appear that those who are venting should be discussing this with their dh's. Of course it is ok to vent, I'm not saying that....but to make judgements about those who don't? It seems childish to me. Go ahead and vent away if it makes you feel better, but nothing will change if you don't talk to your dh about it.

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Once while baking I asked my husband to hand me the egg whites (I had separated the eggs, there was a bowl of yolks and a bowl of whites).

"Which ones are the whites again?"


nuff said.
Sounds like my dh. After we were first married we were cleaning the house and I gave him the toilet bowl cleaner to get started in one of the bathrooms. He came out less than 5 min. later saying the bathroom was all clean. I corrected him and said you mean the toilet bowl is all clean? He said no, the entire bathroom.

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Also, taking care of kids, keeping a clean house and preparing healthy meals is more than a full time job. Especially if one hopes for it to be done well. That means that if the male in the relationship is not involved in the maintenance of the household, everything is on the woman. If she is doing all of this without help from him, she will have much less sleep, much less downtime and no time to relax. If he shares the load, they will both have some time. So, if he decides not to help, the feeling is that his need to relax is more important than hers.I am a woman that has been in both of these situations. When my DH and I first got married I did most the childcare and all the housework and cooking. I never went anywhere by myself, was sleep deprived all the time and felt so frustrated that he didnt care enough about my sanity to help me.
As time went on, we had more kids, he grew, I grew, our communication skills improved and now he is AWESOME!!! He is constantly involved in our kids, helps with housework and meals and most importantly, he maintains a concern for my well-being. If things are too much for me, he steps in. Likewise, if he has had a hard day, I try to let him relax and do nothing. We are sensitive and loving when it comes to the other's need for a break.
However, as someone who has been in the situation of having no help, and now the comparison, I can say that it is absolutely worth complaining about. Big time. Parenthood is so overwhelming and it makes it soooo much harder when you feel alone.
To those of you who are saying that you would never feel the need to vent like this, perhaps your situation just isn't the same. Yes, in a respectful, loving relationship this thread might not take place. However, if you were moving a giant pile of rocks from one side of the forest to the other, every day, while your hubby was napping in a hammock, every day, you might have a few things to say about it too.
As to the first paragraph and especially the bolded I completely disagree. It is not more than a full time job and I have it much easier doing all of those things than he does working almost 12 hour days. I can take a nap almost every day if I want, I go to the gym 3-4 days, I take can get a massage during the day or a manicure and/or pedicure. I have plenty of time during the day to relax and I can still be on top of all the cleaning, laundry, dinner, actitivities with the kids, volunteering in the school at least once a week, etc.
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Old 01-26-2013, 07:30 AM   #199
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My husband has a tough time thinking outside of his current agenda. His strength is his ability to focus on whatever his task is, which makes him good at his job as a DBA/ computer analyst. So he is completely capable of doing just about anything I can do, just not all at the same time.
Whereas I can clean, make breakfast and coffee, listen to NPR, take care of the kids and throw in a load of laundry almost simultaneously, if he is making breakfast, he cannot do anything else, including cleanup. But his breakfast is good and he is cute, so as far as I'm concerned if I have to clean up after him, it's ok with me.

But younger mamas take heart, pitching in and helping out often comes with confidence and maturity.
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Old 01-26-2013, 08:52 AM   #200
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Pretty sure that until a few popped in here to judge those who /do/ vent, and tell them what they aren't doing with their husbands, what they should be doing, making rude comments and assumptions along the way, no one was judging anyone rudely on venting or otherwise. Just saying.

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