Why Are Most Men So Ill-Equiped To Exist?

[iwiamandaiwi]

Originally Posted by EmmaGM Honey-do lists have helped us to some extent. But it's the details that kill me. He'll wash the dishes, but walk away with little puddles all over the counters. He'll sweep the floor, but not put the broom away. He feeds DS, but doesn't wipe off his chair when he's finished and leaves every dirty bib just sitting around somewhere. And on and on.

OMG! I completely can relate! I just have to take a breath and remind myself that I need to choose my battles. I try to make sure he is in the same room when I clean up the puddles or table scraps. Sometimes he takes the hint and sometimes he doesn't.

[Kätzchen]

My husband was born in the USSR where he had far from luxuries. He came to the states when we got married and was completely amazed at the conveniences we have here. I think it has a lot to do with ease of life and not having the direct need to do something.

[badmisterkitty]

But it's the details that kill me. He'll wash the dishes, but walk away with little puddles all over the counters.

He'll sweep the floor, but not put the broom away.

He feeds DS, but doesn't wipe off his chair when he's finished and leaves every dirty bib just sitting around somewhere.

Yes! The one that chaps my hide is that he bathes them, then sends them to me in a towel and expects me to PJ them, brush teeth, comb hair while he sits in his recliner. The WHOLE time they are in the bathtub I am frantically racing around the house getting things done with those 20 minutes of no kids under my feet. I take the kids grocery shopping with me and leave him alone, not one thing gets done.

Please understand that this isn't a blanket generalization for all men. I'm just curious to hear from other moms who know exactly what I'm talking about. I love my husband dearly and I'm as guilty as anyone for enabling, but we need a break through.

[Mama*Kim]

DH is really good at getting away with whatever he can. He was 30 when he met, and was perfectly capable of keeping house, doing laundry, etc. When we started dating, I though it was cute and helpful to do some of those things for him. It's gotten worse over the years. He knows if he leaves trash on the counter, it will drive me nuts and I'll pick it up for him. He knows if he waits until Sunday night to mention that he needs work clothes washed, I'll stay up and wash them. OTOH, he's finally learning how to multitask. He used to have that fear of leaving the kids in one room to do a task in another. In the last six or so months, he's started doing dishes and vacuuming on Saturday mornings while I work.

[Kiliki]

I have no idea.

This is something that is a constant source of irritation for me.

I can't even think about it clearly enough to give any good thoughts.

My husband has actually started using THIS line to reassure me when I am sick or need to go lay down or something ..... "Don't worry honey, everything will still be here when you get up. It's ok."

as in, "go rest, sweetie. when you get up, you can do all the crap that needs to get done. It will still be here.... "

Which in some weird way is supposed to make me feel BETTER? Um, no. I wake up, or get home, or whatever, and now I have - not only the mess that was there before - but also the new mess that was created while I was away.

Gee, thanks, hun.



I've finally come to the conclusion that he simply CANNOT manage to do all the things I do AND care for the kids. He just isn't capable of it. It's beyond his mental and emotional capability.

It's the only way I can look at it without getting really angry.

[escapethevillage]

My own husband was raised by a single Mom. She did all the cooking. But, he and his brother did everything else. He can work circles around me. I still do the "housework", but he works all the time around here.

My brother did EVERYTHING around the house by age five. He took on the man's role in our house at a young age. He was mowing the lawn by five, fixing our bikes, navigating us with the map from Chicago to Tennessee or Saint Louis. So, as an adult, he is very capable.

My ex was the baby of the family, never did anything for himself, even as a grown man. When we were together, he would go to work ONLY. I worked 12 hour days, took care of an infant, did all house work, cooking, shopping, yard work, laundry, everything. He would complain, whine, moan, and berate me for not getting my work done. I couldn't even sit down and watch tv without him telling me every few minutes that I had a kitchen to clean, or laundry to fold. IF he did do anything (he washed my van once) he wanted so much praise for it that it would have been easier to do it myself. He called three people to tell them he washed my car. I'm not kidding. "I washed Kim's car today!'. He was more work than it was worth.

[tallanvor]

Much of it is how they were raised. Much of it is how they are treated by their wives. I think a lot of women unconsciously send a message to their spouses that they can't do things as well as the women, so the men don't bother. Instead of just thanking him for doing the dishes, we complain about something he forgot. So, he figures there isn't a good reason for him to make the effort.

And some of it is that they just don't think about it. Or not that they don't think about, but that it doesn't bother them. They don't see why the toys need to all be picked up and put away because they know the kids are going to play with them again the next day. I have also noticed that guys tend to not multitask as well as women. Not that none of them can, but while it seems to be a pretty natural thing for women, it doesn't seem to be for men. I think a lot of the details get lost while they are focused on one thing at a time.

[abunchoflemons]

Yea I agree to opening post. My hubby can't cook & clean & watch kids..... I bathe kids most of time at nights as I have kids at night as it is when he works. I pay bills, vac, help pick up toys wash & fold laundry (dipes too), flower care...... somestimes dish washing, bathroom cleaning,get mail & send it,
, child care..


hubby list is cook now as I hate to but I still have to decide what to make, shop for food but sometimes impulse buyer....... he carries heavy stuff for me as my brachial plexus limits how much I carry, mow, snow blow, take oldest to school, get on house to rid gutters of leaves, sometimes. Take things to mail or consign or library drop off/ pickup things..... he could be in house with crying kids & not hear.........


Kinda wondering if I should just stay preg because hubby helps out more.... hhhmmmm lol.

I know one of his friends (guy] that they roommated in apt that gave up cleaning with slobs..... yea I think my oldest girl takes after hubby......clean & dirty clothes on floor.....

[Kimmyann]

In my core and extended family its the women who take on the majority of the upkeep of the house and family. The men are supposed to get a job and be able to financially support their wife and children.
The men in my family do not do household chores, take care of children, cook (except grilling) ect. Even things like fixing cars or lawn care ...you hired someone for that.
My Dad never changed a diaper in his life or did a stitch of laundry. My brother is the same way. My brothers house is a pigstye. He lives with a girl who is partially disabled and can't really move around well. She can't clean and he won't. The most he does is take the trash out when he remembers.

My Dad tried to "help" my mom 1 time by starting the dishwasher. He put dawn dishsoap in the tray instead of dishwasher soap. BIG DISASTER. He never attempted to help again.

[umphreysmommy]

I don't know.... How come I can't easily secure our furniture, or install the diaper sprayer, or trim the hedges, or paint the kitchen, or mow the lawn? I mean I could do those things but just as easily as my husband could make a dr's appointment. We all have strengths and weakness and that is what makes us a team.