Why Are Most Men So Ill-Equiped To Exist?

[Almacham]

I just want to add that I do have hope for mine. I am dreaming of the day when he can learn to do all of these things! It will happen... Somehow. I mean, he has degrees in physics and mathematics - he can learn to take care of chores!!!

[Quickshep19]

Let's just say I can relate 100%. Mine is currently sleeping since he killed zombies all night long ~ again. Probably won't get up til 3pm. Must be nice...

Jodie ~ mama to Big K, Medium K & Lil' k

[Quickshep19]

Originally Posted by Kiliki I've finally come to the conclusion that he simply CANNOT manage to do all the things I do AND care for the kids. He just isn't capable of it. It's beyond his mental and emotional capability. It's the only way I can look at it without getting really angry.

Maybe they can't multi-task? When I need to go somewhere, I can't go until he smokes & poops. Because he can't put the baby in the crib/play pen. That is what I do. (For bathroom breaks, not smoking ~ I don't do that.) I have to take the dog out when he isn't here. I have to go get the laundry from the basement. He can't cook, clean etc & babysit. It is too difficult. Honestly, I think heis going to morph into a couch cushion since he sleeps there, sits there, eats there, watches tv there...

Jodie ~ mama to Big K, Medium K & Lil' k

[aaiya]

I haven't read this whole thread...but I think it has to do with how things worked in their households growing up. DH did TONS of stuff around the house...right up until we had kids. He's not terrible now...but I know if I leave for the evening that I'll come home to a sink full of dishes, dirty dishes on the table, toys everywhere. The kids will be in bed, in jammies, though. And honestly, sometimes I leave dishes on the table and in the sink and toys scattered about when I'm just not feeling the cleaning up vibe, so I can't totally fault him for that.

I think it's all about necessity. If I was going to be gone for a long time (or if, heaven forbid, I died) I have no doubt that he has the resources to step up and run the household--even if that means hiring some of the cleaning out or getting a nanny to look after the kids so he could stay sane.

[PBAki]

I think there are too many variables to consider but for the most part I feel it's both cultural and how the children are taught that affect their adulthood and their role as parents.

Although I generally don't prefer the whole gender roles or expect girls or boys to do something specific when they are fully capable of say learning how to sew, cook, clean and do everyday things in life. Without basic skills in life I can see how they can struggle.

Not to say that I'm some super awesome DH but little kick in the rear by my wife gets me to do stuff around the house when needed. And I do feel that for the most being able to function as a parent and spouse all depend on the level of expectation between the couple including communication and life long goals.

I struggled though initially when DD1 was born as I was used to the single bachelor's life. Care-free, stress free for the most part (stress from boredom???) and suddenly switching gears to take priorities over my family. With DD2 it's much better now being able to somewhat multi-task like helping DD1 get ready for bed while holding DD2 screaming her head off I love the craziness in the most lovable way.

[allisonrose]

Add me to the frustrated list. My hubby grew up in a culture where men are the wage earners and women are the housekeepers. What I don't understand is how he feels home repairs, replacing light bulbs and maintaining vehicles aren't his responsibilities. He was surprised by how much trash he took out while I was gone to visit family. Technically it is his task but since he neglects to do it, I often step up. My car has a tire with a slow leak - not only has he been neglecting to bring it in to figure out if it's a defect and covered by warantee or not but he doesn't even want to be bothered to add air to the tire to get us by.

If I leave him with the kids, they watch TV the entire time. He doesn't think of feeding them. If he gives them anything, it's cookies. He is incapable of smelling poop and will neglect to change diapers. DS2 ended up with a diaper rash when he had poop in his diaper first thing in the morning - I suspect he pooped before bedtime but since hubby didn't double check he had poop in there all night long!

[happysmileylady]

I think in many cases they don't realize what is important or why. A previous poster mentioned her DH asked her why she doesnt leave XYZ chore until tomorrow. Because he really doesn't get why that chore is that important or why it's important to do it right away.

I also think in many cases, they are lazy about the house. My dad once told my mom, why should I do it if I can get you to do it. And I think those two things go hand in hand. It's not a big deal to them if there are drips on the counter but they know if it's important enough to their spouse, she will take care of it.

I also think that there's an evolutionary component to. I think that generally guys have the "protect and provide" gene and women have the "nurture and care for" gene.

.

[mibarra]

I'm guessing it's because they had mom's like us who took care of everything...

[mcpforever]

Originally Posted by Bellaroo I don't think it is fair to say that most men are ill-equipped to survive. -Our society has a horrible habit of making it sound like men are ignorant fools who are totally incapable of functioning or parenting on their own (those Daddy Huggies commercials are just one example). We raise our boys in this atmosphere and then criticize our husbands when they don't meet our standard. If my DH is less skilled in some areas (like seeing that the cutlery drawer needs to be organized) he certainly makes up for it in other ways that I would thunder-in on. We complement each other rather than each sharing the same skill set. Also, even though we might see different things as being important, I am 100% confident that if I were to die my husband could step in and take over raising our son and that he would do a wonderful job.

No kidding!

Originally Posted by umphreysmommy I don't know.... How come I can't easily secure our furniture, or install the diaper sprayer, or trim the hedges, or paint the kitchen, or mow the lawn? I mean I could do those things but just as easily as my husband could make a dr's appointment. We all have strengths and weakness and that is what makes us a team.

Lack of practice for me. Sure I could do these things and yes I have done them growing up, but once we divided up basic tasks, I've left these to my husband to do. His hands are stronger, he's spent more time solving plumbing issues, and he's got better spatial understanding than I do.

Honestly, my husband is more organized than I am. It's his personality vs mine. He is better at seeing how all the pieces fit and getting a closet to a useful working condition. I'm a shove it in there and close the door kind of gal.

I do laundry because I've got it down to a routine and don't want that routine interrrupted. I do the meal planning and grocery shopping-again I've got that routine down. If I leave him with the kids, he's going to go for quick and easy so he doesn't mess up my dinner plans. He also doesn't see them as much as I do, so it makes sense for him to spend more time with them than time preparing food in the kitchen.

HE follows me around and picks up after me. We have our own closets because mine isn't organized to his liking.

He's great with the kids. He brushes DD's hair every night before bed. He is the one who clips finger nails. I paint them.

[elabela]

I think the bigger question is why do so many people choose to marry men like that?