Toddler Discipline Tips

[EmilytheStrange]

Originally Posted by mibarra This is me too. While I do employ discipline techniques where things are not optional (shoes and coats when it's cold, carseats, no hitting, etc), I also try to not make a fuss about things that don't matter too much, and set them up for success. So, for example, I verbalize their emotions when they can't (I see you're very mad. You didn't want to wear your coat, and mommy made you. We need our coats when it's cold). Even when I do need to discipline them, I validate their feelings (you were very mad at your sister for not sharing her toy. But hitting hurts, we can't hit people just because we are mad)

this reminds me of the other day in the airport, I was like 'I know you're frustrated, but......' and for the rest of the night, DD was all 'I frustrated, I frustrated'. was very cute.

[escapethevillage]

It depends on the issue.

But, not sitting down with food, is an instant "Oh, then you are done". Food is taken away. I don't mess with kids walking around with food.

I think a two year old is old enough not to kick or hit a dog. It's a deal breaker here, and either the dog or the child would be removed from the situation.

There are very few things that I will not tolerate, but, those few things are not negotiable. For everything else, I'll go with the flow. I'll set the child up with fun messy things, I'll open the doors when the weather is nice and make sure he or she can safely play outside alone... I will go to great lenghts to make sure most things are a "yes" and very few things are a "no". But, getting up from the table and hurting animals are not O.K.

Amazingly, kids can tell when it's not going to fly with me, and they don't even try it. I have 12 month old kids sitting at the kid's table without restraint, and they figure it out immediately, that if they want to eat, they'd better be sitting down to do it. (there's also peer pressure too...so, it's not just me)

[EmilytheStrange]

Originally Posted by escapethevillage (there's also peer pressure too...so, it's not just me)

oh yeah, DD is amazing when we go out to eat with friends who have kids. Put her at the kid's table and she thinks she's big and does what they do.

with her cousins in Texas over the last 2 weeks, also easy for meals.

it's when they're the only one at their own home that it's harder. I have been sending prayers out that the next baby will see a good example and follow it from their big sister.

[SamanthaSews]

Originally Posted by escapethevillage It depends on the issue. But, not sitting down with food, is an instant "Oh, then you are done". Food is taken away. I don't mess with kids walking around with food. I think a two year old is old enough not to kick or hit a dog. It's a deal breaker here, and either the dog or the child would be removed from the situation. There are very few things that I will not tolerate, but, those few things are not negotiable. For everything else, I'll go with the flow. I'll set the child up with fun messy things, I'll open the doors when the weather is nice and make sure he or she can safely play outside alone... I will go to great lenghts to make sure most things are a "yes" and very few things are a "no". But, getting up from the table and hurting animals are not O.K. Amazingly, kids can tell when it's not going to fly with me, and they don't even try it. I have 12 month old kids sitting at the kid's table without restraint, and they figure it out immediately, that if they want to eat, they'd better be sitting down to do it. (there's also peer pressure too...so, it's not just me)

Ds knows not to hit, kick or pull the dogs tail, but he still does. And when he does he gets put in his crib although this doesn't really phase him & now he is trying to climb out & almost flipped/fell out after dinner while I was in his room getting his pjs. And he still bothers the dog when he is in his crate- dragging the crate & once he flipped the crate while the poor dog was inside. Tonight he must have been pulling on the dogs ear enough to make the dog start yelping. That's when he went to his crib. But I talked at length with ds about being nice to dogs only giving hugs & kisses & not pulling the tail or ears while demonstrating with a toy dog. But he still does it & he thinks its funny. Idk what to do?

Ds seems to be a "spirited child" but sometimes I wonder if this is just normal or is it slightly abnormal?

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[SamanthaSews]

So ds sounds like a horrible toddler, but he does listen sometimes. I've noticed that if I can get him to calm down & look me in the eye when I need to tell him something he is more likely to listen.

For example, he knows when we get to a store he can walk in holding my hand (he tells me when we park- "walk? Hand?") and i tell him yes you can walk into the store, but inside you have to sit in the cart. Once he started to rebel in the stores about riding in the cart it took a few times to get him to understand that he needs to ride in the cart. Sometimes I let him walk in a store if its a small store or a quick trip & even then he does well holding my hand, listening & not running off.

But many times when he is misbehaving he is really out of control. Not like temper tantrums, but his body is moving a mile a minute, flailing his arms around & running (chasing the dog). We have a hard time getting him to calm down when he is being too energetic & crazy. Is this normal?

And when we tell him stop, or no, sometimes he gets even more spastic &/or throws toys or whatever is in his reach.

Honestly I'd be less concerned if he threw himself on the floor, screaming & crying but he doesn't do that much. Not yet anyway.

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[DottieHarley]

We are at the same place with a... Very spirited, shall we say, DD. i have been trying to use some of the Happiest Toddler ideas and I juuuust started reading Love and Logic. As in I am still on the first chapter. But the idea of giving her choices has actually really started to work the past couple days.
Like instead of "will you help me pick up these toys" i pulled the "will you pick up the cars or should mommy?" She said, mommy! And I picked ip the cars and put them on a shelf she cant reach (dh will probably pay fir that all day tomorrow). When i asked her if she or daddy should clean ip her kitchen she RAN to the bins and started putting food away.
Bedtime now or in five minutes?
Change dipey here or over there? She fights changes but if i give her the choice of location and diaper color she's much calmer
More milk now, or juice after you eat your cucumbers?
These have all worked nicely... Not always picking the "right" answer lol but shes not throwing a fit anyways. Today... Tomorrow she will be a hellion simply bc ive tapped all this out. We are by no means perfect but i hate getting upset :-(

[SamanthaSews]

Originally Posted by DottieHarley We are at the same place with a... Very spirited, shall we say, DD. i have been trying to use some of the Happiest Toddler ideas and I juuuust started reading Love and Logic. As in I am still on the first chapter. But the idea of giving her choices has actually really started to work the past couple days. Like instead of "will you help me pick up these toys" i pulled the "will you pick up the cars or should mommy?" She said, mommy! And I picked ip the cars and put them on a shelf she cant reach (dh will probably pay fir that all day tomorrow). When i asked her if she or daddy should clean ip her kitchen she RAN to the bins and started putting food away. Bedtime now or in five minutes? Change dipey here or over there? She fights changes but if i give her the choice of location and diaper color she's much calmer More milk now, or juice after you eat your cucumbers? These have all worked nicely... Not always picking the "right" answer lol but shes not throwing a fit anyways. Today... Tomorrow she will be a hellion simply bc ive tapped all this out. We are by no means perfect but i hate getting upset :-(

I'm going to try those techniques. Although we don't have those issues often. And I'm going to look into those books. I've read Raising your Spirited Child, but it doesn't give straight forward tips for dealing with their traits. Thanks!

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[EmilytheStrange]

Originally Posted by SamanthaSews But many times when he is misbehaving he is really out of control. Not like temper tantrums, but his body is moving a mile a minute, flailing his arms around & running (chasing the dog). We have a hard time getting him to calm down when he is being too energetic & crazy. Is this normal? And when we tell him stop, or no, sometimes he gets even more spastic &/or throws toys or whatever is in his reach. Honestly I'd be less concerned if he threw himself on the floor, screaming & crying but he doesn't do that much. Not yet anyway.

honestly, I think that there comes a point when they are so absolutely caught up in their emotions that they need to be snapped out of it. DD is this way, she will get SO far gone that getting her attention is difficult. But, if I can snap her out of it, it takes 2 seconds and she's done. Sometimes, I hate to admit, me shouting does the trick. You can see it in her eyes that she snaps out of the tantrum and easily calms down. Other times, I just pick her up and put her in the time out chair and I think that does it. Although, very rarely she'll continue her fit in the chair before she naturally snaps out of it. Most of the time, the act of putting her in time out seems to do it.

and then we talk about why we don't act that way. but I have to get her attention first. Talking or trying to reason with her while she's in that place is futile.

Originally Posted by DottieHarley We are at the same place with a... Very spirited, shall we say, DD. i have been trying to use some of the Happiest Toddler ideas and I juuuust started reading Love and Logic. As in I am still on the first chapter. But the idea of giving her choices has actually really started to work the past couple days. Like instead of "will you help me pick up these toys" i pulled the "will you pick up the cars or should mommy?" She said, mommy! And I picked ip the cars and put them on a shelf she cant reach (dh will probably pay fir that all day tomorrow). When i asked her if she or daddy should clean ip her kitchen she RAN to the bins and started putting food away. Bedtime now or in five minutes? Change dipey here or over there? She fights changes but if i give her the choice of location and diaper color she's much calmer More milk now, or juice after you eat your cucumbers? These have all worked nicely... Not always picking the "right" answer lol but shes not throwing a fit anyways. Today... Tomorrow she will be a hellion simply bc ive tapped all this out. We are by no means perfect but i hate getting upset :-(

DD still doesn't do choices.. but I'm telling you, that 'First the Egg' book really has done wonders. Today we had a friend over to play and after awhile, DD really just wants me to sit and read with her and I always try to tell her that I'll read later after our friends leave and she usually tantrums. but today, I was like 'friends first, then books' and she was like 'friends first, then books' and just sorta walked over and started playing with something else.

she's really getting the hang of knowing she will get what she wants if she waits until whatever is done first.

if you give her a choice, she just repeats your choices back to you. lol. she gets very excited at choices. but she doesn't choose.

[SamanthaSews]

Came across this blog post today, thought I'd share:

http://www.momshavequestionstoo.com/...scipline-tips/

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