Gender Disappointment - Page 4 - Cloth Diapers & Parenting Community

alyxmegan · 02-01-2013, 11:08 PM

This is my first baby and I was hoping for a girl. I am trying not to be upset but I really never pictured myself with a son. I want only one child, maybe two, so I am upset. I love this boy but part of me wishes the u.s. is wrong and I have a girl. I feel terrible and I haven't shared how I feel with DH. I love the baby inside of me with all my heart I just hope I will be a good mother to him and make him feel special. I'm happy I'm not the only one who experienced disappointment even if I am the only one on this thread who is due with baby number one.

monkey29 · 02-01-2013, 11:50 PM

I really wanted a girl, but as soon as I knew I was pregnant, I knew it was a boy (i was right!) and at the ultrasound, I was slightly disappointed because I hoped my intuition was wrong. I think i would have more disappointment if the same happened with #2, because after having a boy first, now I really want a girl!

Mommy to Eli and Baby#2 · 02-02-2013, 07:30 AM

We both wanted a second boy but I suspected we were having a girl. At the ultrasound, my hunch was confirmed and DH looked like someone kicked him in the family jewels. It took him some time to get his head around it. It helped him to talk about exactly what he was worried about (in this case, having a teenage girl) as well as all the new things to look forward to (having a "Daddy's girl", scaring her first boyfriend, giving her away at her wedding). By the time she was born, he would have been disappointed had she been a boy. So I think that addressing the concerns rather than burying or ignoring them is helpful. It's not wrong to have these feelings of disappointment, especially if you've pictured a certain outcome for a long time.

hollissmama · 02-02-2013, 06:59 PM

We just found out we Are having out third boy today and I felt a tinge of disappointment too. But it's helping to know in advance and talk through it. I am happy that we will bring more sweet guys into this world. I think it's good to express these feelings. And totally normal.

mommabritt · 02-02-2013, 07:07 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by txmommytobe

Hugs to all you mamas! I have been in your shoes. When we found out DS #3 was a boy I was heartbroken. Hubby was scheduled to have a vasectomy after he was born. But at the last minute we changed our minds. I decided we were too young to make that decision. At the time there was no room for another baby in our house and financially we couldnt afford it. I was devastated. I love all my boys with all my heart but longed for a daughter. Fastforward 7 years and we decided to have another. We are in a better place financially and we have a bigger house. We are now expecting our little girl. I say all this to say you just never know what will happen in the future. To all of those who say this will be there last please think hard about it before making any permanent decisions. Things change and circumstances change. HUgs to you all because I completely understand.

I have to second this. I had three boys and thought we were done. We decided to have one more, and swayed for a girl with thought that if it didn't work-we'd have another boy- win win right? Well, we had a little girl. She is now 18 months old and she is the luckiest little girl to have all these big brothers and they adore her.

So while your dealing with your disappointment now, and I've been there....you just never know...

yellowitchgrl · 02-03-2013, 10:52 AM

All I cared about was alive this pregnancy, and with 5 previous pregnancies as "boy" we were sort of in the mindset that they're always going to be boys, and he a boy (he's still cooking) and I'm very good with it.

However, I know my husband had to grieve a bit at not having a girl and that was hard. He agrees that alive is all that matters, but I think he'd have really liked to have a little girl. I am sad for him, even though I'm not sad for myself if that makes any sense? Sometimes I think our grief can also be part of knowing that our spouse wants a specific gender

OP!!

Nerissa · 02-03-2013, 12:54 PM

You are definatly not alone. This is one reason we chose not to find out the gender. After 2 boys in my heart i wanted a girl but figured we woudl get 3 boys. I just wanted to focus on a baby. Loving the baby. We ended up having a girl and I remember asking the Dr. if she was sure it was a girl LOL!!! I had made up my mind that it was a boy and I was fine with not haveing a girl. She is our last.

NappyChappy · 02-03-2013, 01:28 PM

I am keeping my secret hope of having a girl to myself because I know I will love this LO if it's another boy. With DS I was sure he was a girl and when he came out I wasn't disappointed at all.

We didn't find out last time or this time. I won't even let anyone say the gender at the birth I want to look when I am ready. That way I have a few minutes to bond with baby.

Good luck mama!

02-01-2013, 11:50 PM	#32
monkey29 Registered Users Join Date: Dec 2011 Posts: 403 Ratings: 24 Feedback: 100%	Re: Gender Disappointment I really wanted a girl, but as soon as I knew I was pregnant, I knew it was a boy (i was right!) and at the ultrasound, I was slightly disappointed because I hoped my intuition was wrong. I think i would have more disappointment if the same happened with #2, because after having a boy first, now I really want a girl!

02-02-2013, 07:30 AM	#33
Mommy to Eli and Baby#2 Registered Users Join Date: Jul 2012 Posts: 703	Re: Gender Disappointment We both wanted a second boy but I suspected we were having a girl. At the ultrasound, my hunch was confirmed and DH looked like someone kicked him in the family jewels. It took him some time to get his head around it. It helped him to talk about exactly what he was worried about (in this case, having a teenage girl) as well as all the new things to look forward to (having a "Daddy's girl", scaring her first boyfriend, giving her away at her wedding). By the time she was born, he would have been disappointed had she been a boy. So I think that addressing the concerns rather than burying or ignoring them is helpful. It's not wrong to have these feelings of disappointment, especially if you've pictured a certain outcome for a long time.

02-02-2013, 06:59 PM	#34
hollissmama Registered Users Join Date: Jun 2007 Location: covington, KY Posts: 1,369 Ratings: 307 Feedback: 100% My Mood:	We just found out we Are having out third boy today and I felt a tinge of disappointment too. But it's helping to know in advance and talk through it. I am happy that we will bring more sweet guys into this world. I think it's good to express these feelings. And totally normal. __________________ Mommy to Hollis (5/25/07) and my VBAC toddler (11/14/09) plus a new addition for summer 2013

02-03-2013, 10:52 AM	#36
yellowitchgrl Registered Users Join Date: Jan 2008 Location: Maryland Posts: 3,050 Ratings: 25 Feedback: 100% My Mood:	Re: Gender Disappointment All I cared about was alive this pregnancy, and with 5 previous pregnancies as "boy" we were sort of in the mindset that they're always going to be boys, and he a boy (he's still cooking) and I'm very good with it. However, I know my husband had to grieve a bit at not having a girl and that was hard. He agrees that alive is all that matters, but I think he'd have really liked to have a little girl. I am sad for him, even though I'm not sad for myself if that makes any sense? Sometimes I think our grief can also be part of knowing that our spouse wants a specific gender OP!! __________________ Sarah. Christian. Married to Jonathan. Proud Mama of 6 boys! Andrew(9), Luke(6) and James (2/13). My babies born into heaven : Zach, Toby and Simon WAHM behind Sarah's Stitches HyenaCart and Etsy, 10% off with the code: DSE10 Facebook Wetbags, Snack Sacks, Fleece Soakers, Dresses, Naked Time Mats, Dresses, Wipes, Affordable Weighted Blankets and more!

02-03-2013, 12:54 PM	#37
Nerissa Registered Users Join Date: Feb 2011 Location: small town USA Posts: 4,825 Ratings: 68 Feedback: 100% My Mood:	Re: Gender Disappointment You are definatly not alone. This is one reason we chose not to find out the gender. After 2 boys in my heart i wanted a girl but figured we woudl get 3 boys. I just wanted to focus on a baby. Loving the baby. We ended up having a girl and I remember asking the Dr. if she was sure it was a girl LOL!!! I had made up my mind that it was a boy and I was fine with not haveing a girl. She is our last. __________________ wife and mom-- no other special labels. Just trying to do the best I can.