DS behaviour

[EmsMom]

My DS just turned 6, behaviour with him has always been a concern. DS has next to no impulse control and has a tough time dealing with his emotions. We have spoken to his doctor who hasn't ever been overly concerned about it. He has certainly listened to us and discussed it but at the end of the day says it's too early to diagnose anything anyways. We have gone through our local mental health agency and sat on a wait list for a year to have an hour long meeting giving us parenting strategies. Again, I appreciate the help but none of what she told us was anything new. The woman at mental health told us it doesn't seem like ADD/ADHD but obviously isn't qualified to diagnose anything.

So now school wants to have a meeting about ds's behaviour and I don't even know what they want me to say. There are two teachers, his K teacher and the PE teacher. First off we get NO communication home from school regarding his actions, maybe once a month his k teacher sends us a note in his agenda saying he was fighting. I've gotten one long winded note from the PE teacher (whom I loathe) saying she's noticed a decline in his behaviour as well. It's really hard for my husband and I to talk about what goes on at school with him if we have no clue what's happening. We had an amazing teacher last year who was all over the behaviour, with charts, communication etc and now this year we have one who literally tells us nothing.

I suppose it's time to make another DR appt. Thanks for reading, I know this got long.

[UVASahm]

First of all, it is absolutely not too early to diagnose anything. Regardless of what your ped said, I would get a referral from the school or the ped for someone to test him for disabilities. At least you would know either way.

As for the school, I would ask for a conference ASAP. It sounds like these teachers are overwhelmed so I would approach the meeting with a soft hand. Tell them you know they have a lot on their plate but that you would like more communication regarding your sons behavior. Have the pe teacher and main and guidance counselor in the meeting together.

I hope you are able to get answers soon.

[MDever]

I am not familiar with the way the system works in Canada but here I would say you need a developmental pediatrician. Perhaps mamas closer to you will pop on and make a better suggestion.

[TheCoach'sWife]

I had a lot of the same issues with my son. We worked with his teacher (she was WONDERFUL) and my husband who is department chair of special education. We worked out a behavior plan. Basically we identified his biggest problems, what bothered us the most with his behavior, and by working to fix the big things, the small things have a way of working themselves out.

My son's problems were calling out in class, arguing with his teacher (we used this also when he tried to "compromise" with her instead of doing as asked, and crying when he didn't get his way. We had a daily calendar and had tallies for each of the categories. Every day she would fill it out, and we would know exactly what happened during the day. If he had over 3 tallies, we would take away screen time for example. This way his behavior at school was linked to his "rewards" at home.

Daily communication was key for us. We couldn't work to fix the problem unless we knew what was going on on a daily basis. Schedule a meeting with his teacher and talk to her. I would avoid getting your child "labeled" as special needs until that is the last measure. He might grow out of it, get more mature. Unlabeling a kid in a public school setting is next to impossible.

[EmsMom]

We had a great system last year too, similar calendar as what you outlined and it did help. It was much easier for him to see where he needed to improve. One of the women at mental health did mention that the impulse control part of his brain just hasn't developed yet and that he will grow out of it. I am hesitant to get him "labeled" but at the same time if treatment/therapy etc is required I don't want to wait until he's 8, 10yrs old etc. Thank you for the advice ladies

[tallanvor]

While I know y'all have tried talking to the doctors and whatnot, what else have you tried? Have you tried changing things in his diet? Have you tried roll playing different situations with him?

I can understand their hesitation in diagnosing because it is often difficult to tell if there is truly a problem or not at that age. There are a lot of kids that get a diagnosis that they wouldn't get if they were a couple of years older.