2yo DD Touching Lady Parts. .

[Kiliki]

Originally Posted by DalesWidda I understand everyone has different beliefs, but how do you expect your children to have a healthy and fulfilling sex life if they can't ever touch themselves? Our lady bits do not have pee on them if we wash correctly. I made the mistake of going overboard with the no touching issue with my oldest (also with modesty) and now she is eleven and scared to death about her body. I am having an extremely difficult time reversing it and I'm scared that she will end up frigid and alone. Seriously. So I am not about to make that mistake with the my youngest. I encourage her to be open and explore her body, to learn her body parts correct names, Etc. I am having a much easier time with her. My middle dd hopefully I'll manage to reverse the damage so far. I have learned a lot through the years and the above is what I used to do and I now find to be sad.

I'm sorry you have had problems in this area.

I think I have a pretty good balance going on.

My own mom made me feel REALLY weird about anything related to body parts or sex or nudity. I have friends who can't use tampons b/c they are terrified to touch their private parts. So I know - from personal experience, and from seeing it firsthand - that you can totally screw someone up in this regard if you are not careful.

I certainly am not advocating never letting kids explore their bodies or ask questions. We use proper terms for body parts. My 6 y/o is very open in asking tons of detailed questions....

Personally, I don't allow masturbation. I think the pleasure that comes from that is designed to be enjoyed in the marriage arrangement. That does NOT mean that I punish kids for doing it. That would be ridiculous, as they have no idea what sex is yet, and it's totally beyond their grasp to understand such a thing.

But I do redirect and discourage it.

Exploratory touching/looking IMO is different from touching for the pleasurable aspect. And that is something that happens during baths, or while changing clothes - times when the kids know they are allowed to be naked, in the privacy of their rooms/bathroom. (I frequently get "Moooooom! Can you come here! I need to have a private talk with you! ..... What's THIS?!" from my 6 y/o when she is changing clothes or bathing. And that is totally fine.) Maybe I didn't say that clearly or very well in my post. Maybe it would not have mattered even if I did. I dunno.

I realize others feel differently. That is ok. I think we have a good balance going on here. I certainly understand this is a difficult thing to handle perfectly, it's a delicate subject, and a fine line to walk. But I think I'm doing alright so far... Though I do *sincerely* appreciate your thoughts/wisdom.

[DesertRat]

Originally Posted by Kiliki I'm sorry you have had problems in this area. I think I have a pretty good balance going on. My own mom made me feel REALLY weird about anything related to body parts or sex or nudity. I have friends who can't use tampons b/c they are terrified to touch their private parts. So I know - from personal experience, and from seeing it firsthand - that you can totally screw someone up in this regard if you are not careful. I certainly am not advocating never letting kids explore their bodies or ask questions. We use proper terms for body parts. My 6 y/o is very open in asking tons of detailed questions.... Personally, I don't allow masturbation. I think the pleasure that comes from that is designed to be enjoyed in the marriage arrangement. That does NOT mean that I punish kids for doing it. That would be ridiculous, as they have no idea what sex is yet, and it's totally beyond their grasp to understand such a thing. But I do redirect and discourage it. Exploratory touching/looking IMO is different from touching for the pleasurable aspect. And that is something that happens during baths, or while changing clothes - times when the kids know they are allowed to be naked, in the privacy of their rooms/bathroom. (I frequently get "Moooooom! Can you come here! I need to have a private talk with you! ..... What's THIS?!" from my 6 y/o when she is changing clothes or bathing. And that is totally fine.) Maybe I didn't say that clearly or very well in my post. Maybe it would not have mattered even if I did. I dunno. I realize others feel differently. That is ok. I think we have a good balance going on here. I certainly understand this is a difficult thing to handle perfectly, it's a delicate subject, and a fine line to walk. But I think I'm doing alright so far... Though I do *sincerely* appreciate your thoughts/wisdom.

This is how I feel about it. My kids feel very comfortable asking me about their body parts. (the other day DS wanted to know what his testicles were for...) We're open and honest and on their level. I haven't seen any of my children touch themselves for pleasure, so we haven't talked about that. But should it ever become an issue, we'll address it on their level. I do believe it is important to reserve the feelings of sexual arousal for marriage. I won't shame or punish my children. But rather teach them that those feelings are okay and normal, but it's appropriate after we are married. (though my oldest is only 7...)

To each their own. But I firmly believe it's possible to teach children to be comfortable with their bodies, while teaching them some activities should be reserved for later.

ETA: As for a 2 year old, you can't really explain anything, so I would just redirect. A friend's daughter would do it while watching TV. So, she quit letting her watch TV and she stopped on her own. (Not as a punishment. The child didn't know why. She just got her busy doing other things)

[cdeweese]

My DD doesn't do this and I suspect it's because she has her "bear". It's just a small velour blanket with a bear attached. When she's tired she gets her bear and snuggles with it up by her face. My mother didn't let me touch myself in public areas of the house or encourage me to touch myself in my room. I'm more worried about her hands not being clean and the fact that she sucks her fingers. Not saying other parents are wrong by doing so, but it didn't give me a complex at all. I share that with DH and have no need to go be by myself

[abunchoflemons]

Totally norm. I wouldn't deter as if there was something to hide about ones body.

[soonerfan]

Originally Posted by Kiliki I'm sorry you have had problems in this area. I think I have a pretty good balance going on. My own mom made me feel REALLY weird about anything related to body parts or sex or nudity. I have friends who can't use tampons b/c they are terrified to touch their private parts. So I know - from personal experience, and from seeing it firsthand - that you can totally screw someone up in this regard if you are not careful. I certainly am not advocating never letting kids explore their bodies or ask questions. We use proper terms for body parts. My 6 y/o is very open in asking tons of detailed questions.... Personally, I don't allow masturbation. I think the pleasure that comes from that is designed to be enjoyed in the marriage arrangement. That does NOT mean that I punish kids for doing it. That would be ridiculous, as they have no idea what sex is yet, and it's totally beyond their grasp to understand such a thing. But I do redirect and discourage it. Exploratory touching/looking IMO is different from touching for the pleasurable aspect. And that is something that happens during baths, or while changing clothes - times when the kids know they are allowed to be naked, in the privacy of their rooms/bathroom. (I frequently get "Moooooom! Can you come here! I need to have a private talk with you! ..... What's THIS?!" from my 6 y/o when she is changing clothes or bathing. And that is totally fine.) Maybe I didn't say that clearly or very well in my post. Maybe it would not have mattered even if I did. I dunno. I realize others feel differently. That is ok. I think we have a good balance going on here. I certainly understand this is a difficult thing to handle perfectly, it's a delicate subject, and a fine line to walk. But I think I'm doing alright so far... Though I do *sincerely* appreciate your thoughts/wisdom.

How can you not allow masturbation? It has nothing to do with you, doesn't impact you, doesn't harm you, isn't your body, etc. I can even understand never discussing it with your kids or telling your kids that *you* do not do that, even in private, because it is something for marriage only(which I assume then means even once married, you only enjoy with spouse present), but I don't understand not allowing a natural, self-centered, harmless personal choice.

ETA: Serious question--you say you don't punish kids for masturbation because sex is outside the scope of understanding for them. So, would you punish a masturbating teenager who does understand sex?

I'm not being snarky, but my heart really and truly breaks for any child who is told masturbation outside of marriage is not allowed or is told their privates are dirty with pee so they don't touch them. Seriously--breaks my heart.

[Tris]

Originally Posted by soonerfan How can you not allow masturbation? It has nothing to do with you, doesn't impact you, doesn't harm you, isn't your body, etc. I can even understand never discussing it with your kids or telling your kids that *you* do not do that, even in private, because it is something for marriage only(which I assume then means even once married, you only enjoy with spouse present), but I don't understand not allowing a natural, self-centered, harmless personal choice. ETA: Serious question--you say you don't punish kids for masturbation because sex is outside the scope of understanding for them. So, would you punish a masturbating teenager who does understand sex? I'm not being snarky, but my heart really and truly breaks for any child who is told masturbation outside of marriage is not allowed or is told their privates are dirty with pee so they don't touch them. Seriously--breaks my heart.

Its a religion thing I assume. I was also raised that its all a bad terrible thing, and I swear if my mom had just bought me a vibrator at 15 maybe I would've actually made it to marriage a virgin. Or at least not slept with the first guy who was really nice to me. Hopefully I can have a far more open relationship with my girls.

[JennTheMomma]

You can't allow or disallow masturbation. They are going to do it if they want to. However, saying that you don't allow it will probably make them feel bad for having those normal sexual feelings and make them feel bad for masturbating.

There are numerous studies showing masturbation is good for health as well as a healthy sex life. It helps people not be ashamed or embarrased about their bodies. It also helps couples talk about what they like and don't like. By telling a child you don't allow masturbation they will grow up uncomfortable with their body and will probably not have the greatest of sex lives. I think that does a disservice to both the person and her partner.

As for children touching themselves. Totally normal and not sexual.

[Kiliki]

Originally Posted by soonerfan How can you not allow masturbation? It has nothing to do with you, doesn't impact you, doesn't harm you, isn't your body, etc. I can even understand never discussing it with your kids or telling your kids that *you* do not do that, even in private, because it is something for marriage only(which I assume then means even once married, you only enjoy with spouse present), but I don't understand not allowing a natural, self-centered, harmless personal choice. ETA: Serious question--you say you don't punish kids for masturbation because sex is outside the scope of understanding for them. So, would you punish a masturbating teenager who does understand sex? I'm not being snarky, but my heart really and truly breaks for any child who is told masturbation outside of marriage is not allowed or is told their privates are dirty with pee so they don't touch them. Seriously--breaks my heart.

I really can't think of any good way to respond to this.

All I can think to say is that you are free to raise your children the way you think is best, as am I. And we don't have to do it the same way. And we can both still be good parents.

You don't need to be broken-hearted over my kids, they are perfectly happy.

[s@hmommy]

Originally Posted by Kiliki I really can't think of any good way to respond to this. All I can think to say is that you are free to raise your children the way you think is best, as am I. And we don't have to do it the same way. And we can both still be good parents. You don't need to be broken-hearted over my kids, they are perfectly happy.

I understand what you are trying to say mama. It seems like if people don't hold the same/similar faith you do then they are never going to understand or even try to truly understand. I have no problem saying that the Bible is my ulitimate rule book, and just because something feels good and is natural does not make it acceptable.

[soonerfan]

Originally Posted by Kiliki I really can't think of any good way to respond to this. All I can think to say is that you are free to raise your children the way you think is best, as am I. And we don't have to do it the same way. And we can both still be good parents. You don't need to be broken-hearted over my kids, they are perfectly happy.

Some things universally are not ok to do to kids, regardless of belief system. Shaming masturbation, sexuality and their very body by telling them wrongly that privates are covered in pee is wrong and the last thing isn't even factually accurate.

Your kids are fine now, but history and studies show that sort of teaching will cause problems later on. That's just reality, not a difference of our opinions.