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Old 02-02-2013, 02:36 PM   #11
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Re: What are your boundries when it comes to posting on DS?

My number one thought is, "Would my husband be ok with me sharing this?" If not, I keep it to myself.

As far as kid stuff, I only share positive things or negative things that would help another parent. For example, I have no problem sharing that my kids were all whiny at 3 and struggled to sleep well until night weaned. These are typical kid things that reassure others that their kids are normal. I share about struggles with ADHD and what works for us, because I figure it is likely to help someone else struggling.

I don't share names, but pictures are ok with me. I can't for the life of me figure out how anyone could use a picture of my child to actually hurt my child.

Bodily functions all depend on whether it would be helpful to someone or just oversharing. Someone worried about their bowels might ask how frequently one has a bowel movement in looking for reassurace. Again, if my husband wouldn't be ok with me sharing, I don't.


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Old 02-02-2013, 02:43 PM   #12
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I don't mind sharing pics of my family but I do not share intimate details of my life. I don't need anyone knowing my personal issues...good or bad. I am blessed to have a very happy life with my husband and I'm respectful not to speak negatively of him in person to others or anywhere online. I always think it is sad when I see that. I can't help but think of how heartbroken I'd be if I came across him speaking of me like that.
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Old 02-02-2013, 03:13 PM   #13
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Re: What are your boundries when it comes to posting on DS?

I have all the same boundaries as you op. I am just not comfortable sharing much private info ever. We had an attempted kidnapping of one of our children(never caught),so I am beyond paranoid about pictures or any identifying info. But for everything else I simply just follow the "would I want someone saying this about me" and if the answer is no,then I don't say it about them. Also some of my kids are older so even thought they aren't on DS when they are older they could easily look up my user name and I would die if they read some of the things people post. So I always make sure that if I post it I am comfortable with them seeing it because they probably will someday.
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Old 02-02-2013, 03:23 PM   #14
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Re: What are your boundries when it comes to posting on DS?

Two of my three most important boundaries are not sharing real names, and not posting pics of myself/kids/DH. I know I have in the past. If I do post pics, even innocuous ones, I try to remove them within a few day's time.

My third boundary is my most important DS boundary - not to allow myself to get too emotionally involved, and not to allow DS to eat up all of my time. I post here out of boredom, for entertainment, etc. I don't post here for validation of my parenting skills, or to be assured that my beliefs are "correct." If I ever find myself getting upset over something posted, I try to reel myself back in. It's just an internet forum, full of random strangers I will likely never meet IRL, who may or may not be who they say they are.... it is really NOT important what anyone here thinks of me. I am comfortable and confident in the way my family operates, everything we do works for us. I won't be changing anything b/c someone here calls me "abusive" or says I'm doing something "wrong". Those things used to really bother me. But I realized I was placing WAY too much value on opinions of people who didn't matter. That is my most important boundary on DS.

I try not to vent about DH. But I'll be honest, I certainly have from time to time. Though I don't think I do it very often at all, and I never say anything I wouldn't want him to read, or haven't already said to him.

Other than that, I enjoy the "anonymity" that allows me to post about things I couldn't or wouldn't ask anyone IRL. Many/most of my IRL friends are either moms of ONE child, who work full time, or they have no kids. I have only known 2 people who breastfed. Most people I know think it's gross. I am the only person I know who homeschools. I don't know anyone else IRL who's endured the years of difficulty while they had a DH working AND in school FT with only ONE car and two young kids. I am the only person I know IRL who has ever had a baby without pain meds, and the only one who has ever had a homebirth. I often feel like quite an anomaly.

So I appreciate the fact that I can come on DS and ask people who have BTDT and who have some experience with what I am going through, who can offer some sort of insight.

I also like being able to offer some help to moms who have questions about things I might know about, or might be able to offer some sort of help or advice on.

So in that regard, questions about bodily functions don't make me squeamish or bother me at all. Sex threads I typically stay away from anyway, as I find them too detailed, and often I disagree with the morality of most others, so I just steer clear altogether usually.

And, at the end of all this, I will say, I am human, and I am imperfect. I surely have posted more than I should before, and likely will in the future. It's the nature of being imperfect. But I try to stick by my boundaries that I've set for myself.

Last edited by Kiliki; 02-02-2013 at 03:32 PM.
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Old 02-02-2013, 03:40 PM   #15
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You guys are making me feel like a loser.
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Old 02-02-2013, 04:02 PM   #16
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Re: What are your boundries when it comes to posting on DS?

I don't post anything about my husband that would jeopardize his job or anything like that - he's a school teacher, so I'm not going to embarrass him on a public board.

I have borderline personality disorder, which I was hesitant about posting because I'm frightened of being (thought?) monstrous - but then I thought it was important not to contribute to the shaming of mental illness. So I don't conceal it, even though I flinch when I write it.
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Old 02-02-2013, 04:14 PM   #17
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Re: What are your boundries when it comes to posting on DS?

Originally Posted by EmmaGM View Post
You guys are making me feel like a loser.
I don't want to make anyone feel like a loser.........

It did occur to me, while typing out the post, even thinking about the post, I will now be more even mindful of what I do post, and how if might effect other people. You (Emma) might consider all of this, and think meh, I'm comfortable with what I'm doing, my SO doesn't care, my kids are still babies, I'm on a diaper forum, and I'm going to talk about their poop. And that's fine.

Someone else might read the responses, and more carefully edit before pushing send. But because those who share everything are of course the more visible posters, I thought it would be interesting to hear from those that don't share as much, and how and why they choose what to say. They may have thought of a long term consequence or perspective I have not thought of.

I also think that it doesn't matter as much about sharing your baby cries all the time, your two year old throws tantrums, etc, and you kind of get used to your child's story being your story, and I don't think it always occurs to people that as kids get older, it might be prudent to filter what you say about them online. I know of a blog from one parent of a special needs kid who did seem to cross a line to me, it is one thing to talk about your baby being constipated, but I'm guessing her 11 year old, who already felt "different", didn't appreciate her mother's graphic description of her constipation on line, and what laxatives she was taking, or her mental health issues, and what meds they had tried.
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Old 02-02-2013, 04:45 PM   #18
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Re: What are your boundries when it comes to posting on DS?

I try not to post anything bad about my husband, My family, or my in laws. I would be absolutely furious if my husband did that to me. I try not to post to much personal info about my kids but my kids aren't really very private people. They are bigger now(well 2 are). My older kids are often reading over my shoulder so they already know what I have typed in and totally approve of what I have posted to date.

I limit personal bodily functions. As far as toddler poop goes I quess I think that is fair game. With 7 brothers, a husband, and 2 sons it just isn't a big deal. I do not post bedroom happenings. Any reference to the bedroom is pretty generic.
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Old 02-02-2013, 04:54 PM   #19
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Re: What are your boundries when it comes to posting on DS?

I try to stay fairly private, but don't mind sharing a little bit if someone is looking for others experiences to draw on. A few details about my life or marriage doesn't bother me, and I don't think it would bother my husband. Everyone needs to vent occasionally, but I would never bash him or write anything I wouldn't want him to see. I'm not big into bodily functions and rarely post in sex threads, unless it has something to do with postpartum difficulties. I don't mind sharing, but I don't feel like I over-share, either.
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Old 02-02-2013, 05:00 PM   #20
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Re: What are your boundries when it comes to posting on DS?

LOL! I'm pretty sure I was the OP on the poop post, complete with survey!

I don't have boundaries. It's been a lifelong fault of mine.

I don't like to divulge deeply into my sex life. I don't trash talk my husband. I think that's about it. I keep those boundaries on the internet and off.

And here it is, in all of it's glory:
Liz (12 yrs), Jake (Feb '10), Josie (Sept '12), & Josh (Sept '13)
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Last edited by ashley84; 02-02-2013 at 05:07 PM.
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