5th baby is sort of being ignored by close family? - Cloth Diapers & Parenting Community

steph410 · 04-20-2013, 10:17 AM

hi mamas,
i'm not sure if I'm being overly sensitive about this, so just wanted an outside perspective....I had my 5th baby 2 weeks ago. There is so much to be thankful for- he is healthy, I'm healthy, and we have an amazing family, I feel blessed.

But here is the situation that sort of irks me: my husband's brother is getting married in 3 weeks and so basically my MIL and FIL did not come to visit the baby because they will be here for the wedding in a few weeks. I guess I can understand that, although I feel a little slighted. But the kicker is that my SIL is now pregnant with her first baby and my inlaws are throwing her a baby shower the day after the wedding. I just feel so weird about the fact that I will be going to a party for her baby, when my baby was just born and no one has really acknowledged it much. Not one person in my husband's family has sent a gift or card for my baby. Is this weird, or is it just me?

mommabritt · 04-20-2013, 10:21 AM

I'm sorry your feeling hurt.

I think sometimes its easy to get busy and forget about those around us. I don't think anyone is intentionally ignoring your newborn, I think they're just preoccupied. Maybe talk to Dh and plan a welcome party for baby. Family could come and meet him/her and spend time with you. No gifts or expectations, just time.

Fither · 04-20-2013, 10:23 AM

Our families are the same way, didn't really honor or care that much about subsequent babies, only the first seemed somewhat important to them. With our third son, many of our family members who live only an hour or so away, didn't meet him until he was nine months old. And cards or gifts? Forget about it!

I would be so so hurt too mama, I'm really sorry.

congrats on a new bundle of joy!

MDever · 04-20-2013, 11:20 AM

Oh mama that stinks! I have found that to be an issue as a m.o.m. My parents had huge 1st birthdays for our first 3 children. Huge like bouncy house rentals and mobile petting zoos

For 4 and 5 it has never been mentioned. We did not get a gift for baby #5 at all from them. I think for other folks it is just kinda "old hat"

They love him but it has lost a little of the glitter. I am sorry they are hurting your feelings

ulawolf · 04-20-2013, 11:22 AM

Yep. Found that to be true work fourth and fifth babies. I just say meh.

cowangel · 04-20-2013, 04:04 PM

Yep, my dad just told me that he will be out of town for training at work while I have my scheduled C/S for #5...my mom said she was going with him or at least some of the trip. I got a shower for #1 and small shower for #2 (she was a girl after a boy) then for #3 everyone came to my parent's house for a meet the baby thing...nothing for #4 and probably nothing for #5 either. I think people think you have everything you need since you've had other babies and they think it's easier for you b/c it's not your first...or second...and our culture doesn't really know how to handle more than 2 or maybe 3 kids for the most part - we are WEIRD and they don't know what to do with us. So, while I feel a bit slighted by my family I WILL enjoy this baby and we are BLESSED (as you said) I will attempt to let it bother me as little as possible

.

steph410 · 04-20-2013, 04:57 PM

to me, sending a gift when someone has a baby is not about getting them something they NEED, but celebrating the birth of a child.

but I don't even care much about gifts so much as I am surprised at how LITTLE attention my baby has gotten. It's sad.

eljube112 · 04-20-2013, 06:59 PM

I'm sorry you're feeling hurt. I felt that way when #4 was born. Even when my IL's did come to visit they spent most of their time playing with the big kids. And no gift for this baby at all.

I think I try to compensate for their lack of attention with extra attention for the baby from me. He's going to know how much he's loved and wanted BY ME.

twinpossible · 04-20-2013, 07:12 PM

I have a similar situation here but this is my third and the ignoring is from my in laws. FIL said this child is a burden when he came over on the holidays and that they have "too many grandkids". They only said congrats after we called to say she was born. My SIL never returned our call and has said nothing on Facebook. I would be hurt but his family can be weird sometimes. They think 2 kids is perfect and we are crazy to have more after twins. Oh well...at least I have 400 miles between their house and mine!

Anna0623 · 04-20-2013, 07:15 PM

Sorry your feeling hurt, I can relate. My ils actually did this for our second child, even though it was a boy after the first being a girl. I thought they would have made a huge deal considering dh is the only male child out of 4 and ds was his first son who would carry on their last name. I have no expectations for when I have #3 in October, not even sure #3 will get any gifts or cards from the ils either. On the other side of things my family is upset about us being team green this time around, cause their ready to start buying baby things (Im 16 1/2 weeks along, but my family shows their love and happiness through gifts). I was actually surprised that my family was so excited about this baby being that it is my mothers #4 grandchild, but she said every grand baby is special.ope at least your side of the family sent you a card or a gift for your new baby, i know that is what took some of the sting out of the ils ignoring our second child, our first son.

04-20-2013, 04:04 PM	#6
cowangel Registered Users Join Date: Feb 2008 Posts: 2,187 Ratings: 142 Feedback: 100% My Mood:	Re: 5th baby is sort of being ignored by close family? Yep, my dad just told me that he will be out of town for training at work while I have my scheduled C/S for #5...my mom said she was going with him or at least some of the trip. I got a shower for #1 and small shower for #2 (she was a girl after a boy) then for #3 everyone came to my parent's house for a meet the baby thing...nothing for #4 and probably nothing for #5 either. I think people think you have everything you need since you've had other babies and they think it's easier for you b/c it's not your first...or second...and our culture doesn't really know how to handle more than 2 or maybe 3 kids for the most part - we are WEIRD and they don't know what to do with us. So, while I feel a bit slighted by my family I WILL enjoy this baby and we are BLESSED (as you said) I will attempt to let it bother me as little as possible . __________________ Wife to DH for 8 years...Mom to 5 kiddos

04-20-2013, 04:57 PM	#7
steph410 Registered Users Join Date: Mar 2008 Posts: 6,095 Ratings: 297 Feedback: 100% My Mood:	Re: 5th baby is sort of being ignored by close family? to me, sending a gift when someone has a baby is not about getting them something they NEED, but celebrating the birth of a child. but I don't even care much about gifts so much as I am surprised at how LITTLE attention my baby has gotten. It's sad. __________________ Catholic mom to five wonderful little boys- we welcomed our newest baby on 4/6/13

04-20-2013, 06:59 PM	#8
eljube112 Registered Users Join Date: Feb 2008 Location: Ontario, CANADA Posts: 4,195 Ratings: 56 Feedback: 100% My Mood:	Re: 5th baby is sort of being ignored by close family? I'm sorry you're feeling hurt. I felt that way when #4 was born. Even when my IL's did come to visit they spent most of their time playing with the big kids. And no gift for this baby at all. I think I try to compensate for their lack of attention with extra attention for the baby from me. He's going to know how much he's loved and wanted BY ME. __________________ Elaine, SAHM to E (11/07), J (8/09), A (2/11), G (11/12) We're expecting #5! "Quinn" coming July 2014!

04-20-2013, 07:12 PM	#9
twinpossible Registered Users Join Date: Nov 2011 Location: in a pile of laundry! Posts: 1,987 Ratings: 2 Feedback: 100% My Mood:	Re: 5th baby is sort of being ignored by close family? I have a similar situation here but this is my third and the ignoring is from my in laws. FIL said this child is a burden when he came over on the holidays and that they have "too many grandkids". They only said congrats after we called to say she was born. My SIL never returned our call and has said nothing on Facebook. I would be hurt but his family can be weird sometimes. They think 2 kids is perfect and we are crazy to have more after twins. Oh well...at least I have 400 miles between their house and mine! __________________ A crunchy wife to B and momma of identical twin girls G & E , our rainbow baby C born at home April 2013 and R forever in my heart.

04-20-2013, 07:15 PM	#10
Anna0623 Registered Users Join Date: Jun 2011 Location: Virginia Posts: 1,697 Ratings: 132 Feedback: 99% My Mood:	Re: 5th baby is sort of being ignored by close family? Sorry your feeling hurt, I can relate. My ils actually did this for our second child, even though it was a boy after the first being a girl. I thought they would have made a huge deal considering dh is the only male child out of 4 and ds was his first son who would carry on their last name. I have no expectations for when I have #3 in October, not even sure #3 will get any gifts or cards from the ils either. On the other side of things my family is upset about us being team green this time around, cause their ready to start buying baby things (Im 16 1/2 weeks along, but my family shows their love and happiness through gifts). I was actually surprised that my family was so excited about this baby being that it is my mothers #4 grandchild, but she said every grand baby is special.ope at least your side of the family sent you a card or a gift for your new baby, i know that is what took some of the sting out of the ils ignoring our second child, our first son.

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