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Old 02-03-2013, 05:10 PM   #1
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If you have bios...

How old were they when you decided to foster or adopt? How did they handle the transition?

DH is feeling ready to foster or adopt and I would love to but I just don't think I'm ready quite yet.

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Old 02-03-2013, 05:20 PM   #2
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Re: If you have bios...

When I fostered I had no birth children but when my parents started foster care I was 10 and my brother was 14.
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Old 02-03-2013, 06:08 PM   #3
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We started when our sons where 1 and 3. We have kids around all the time so they adjusted really well. We just told the 3 year old that his mommy and daddy made bad choices and they were trying to do better.
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Old 02-03-2013, 07:59 PM   #4
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We started when our bios were 2,4,5 and 7. They did well, but we quickly learned that little ones are what did best in our home so we mostly take babies.
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Old 02-03-2013, 09:37 PM   #5
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I think taking kids younger than your children is a good idea! We have young children and having two older children for 4 weeks I know I will not do older kids. They had behavioral issues and I didn't feel I could keep our boys safe.
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Old 02-04-2013, 08:37 AM   #6
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Re: If you have bios...

My bios are 3.5 and 5. We have 2 fosters who are 3.5 and 4.5. We took them as a short term placement but they have fit really nicely into our family. If they become available for adoption we will adopt them. We would never have accepted them as an adoptive placement due to their ages being so close to our bios. The two oldest start Kindergarten this fall and the other two the following fall. But now they are here and we love them and they love us. The kids interact really well together so its a win-win!


We fostered when the bios were younger and it was awful for our family.
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Old 02-04-2013, 08:58 AM   #7
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We had 1 who was almost 4 when we started. We had 23 kiddos through 7 years, adopted 1 and had another bio when the boys were 5 and 6.

We had a few teens through the years. We had a 14 year old girl who we would have adopted in a heartbeat. She was like your made-for-tv movie foster kid. Horrid homelife, threw herself into school and sports. She's now at university and doing amazing. We still talk from time to time and I have her on facebook.

Our first placement was 8 and 10 year old brothers when Evan was not quite 4. It was a wreck and we kept them till a more permanent home was found. After that, with the exception of respite, A and another girl a bit older than our boys, we kept the kids all younger than our oldest.

My favourite was actually 5 boys under 6. They blended sooo well for the year we had them. We are still great friends with their mom and were invited to her wedding last summer. She was just really young - 21 with a 4yo and 1yo on her own and just overwhelmed. The boys were 6, 5, 4, and the 2 babies were 1 (3 weeks apart).

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Old 02-04-2013, 12:03 PM   #8
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Re: If you have bios...

Ours were 1.5, 4, 7 and 9 when we were being licensed but were 2.5, 5, 8 and 10 when we got our first placement. We've only done babies (all have been under 1) and only my youngest had mild jealousy with the first placement. There really has been none with the others and all four love babies so an easy adjustment.
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Old 02-04-2013, 12:50 PM   #9
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Re: If you have bios...

You guys are making me feel like a weiner! My kids are 6 (getting close to 7), 5, and 3. The three year old has some mild special needs though and that's why I'm not *quite* sure if I'm there yet. The more I hear about fostering/adopting, the more interested I get in it though, and I have been torturing myself doing all kinds of research about it and looked up the laws for our state...and sometimes I stay up way too late looking at the adoption picture gallery and my heart goes out to those children and I want to bring all of them home. Then reality sets in and there's just not room for all of them! So I'm kind of teetering on that line...how did you *know* when you were ready?
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Old 02-04-2013, 02:18 PM   #10
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Re: If you have bios...

You don't have to be ready to start training/licensing. Here you start with classes which depending on the schedule (whether you take them once a week, two nights a week, a few intense weekends) can take several months to get through. Then after you have gotten a feel through training for what it may be like, gotten to ask all your questions, etc. you decide whether you want to continue the licensing process with the home study or whether it's not the right time or not for you. I would say just get started and you will know whether you want to continue or quit...

For me, I'm always unrealistically ready. So I know when our family is truly ready when dh says we can take placements which has actually only been twice. He was very set on only one child/case at a time. So we were open for placement for five months after first being licensed (taking two very short term ones) when we got dd2. It took fourteen months for her case to get to adoption during which time we were not open for placements. Then dh decided we (He!) needed a social worker vacation which was another six months after the adoption before we opened for placement the second time. After four weeks of turning down calls we found out I was pregnant (oops!) with ds and so closed again. When he was ten months old dd2's birth mother asked us to take the baby she was pregnant with who was born last summer and will be adopted this spring. I would love to foster again (our license is still current), but I have no idea when dh will agree again. And to be honest, with the baby (six mos old), and my toddler and preschooler both with special needs (4, and turning 2 this month), even I realize that right at this time I am at my personal capacity! I am hoping that in a couple years I will again have margin, and just maybe we will live in a house with more than one bathroom and another bedroom and so maybe I can convince him to go another round. (Oh, I also have an 8 yr old, not to leave her out - she just doesn't contribute to the overwhelment of the moment.) If your dh is ready, that's awesome. It seems to often be the wives dragging the husband's along for this ride.
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