Play Date Issues.

[Mommyto2B2G]

Let me start this by saying I am not a snob, I promise. I have reasons for not wanting my children to do play dates. One being I happened to have been abused on a play date when I was a child. By my Mom's trusted friends child. So here is the situation.

We just moved and have been in our new house for about a month I think. Right away one of my sons found a new best friend. This new friend has been asking my son to come over every week since they met. First it started out with he gave my son his phone number. Next weekend he sent a note home from his mom with her e-mail and phone number. Very nice I thought but I told my son to just let his friend know we were very busy moving in right now (our moving truck had arrived that weekend too I believe) and maybe some other time. Last week he didn't ask but my son was also home sick with an ear ache. Today my son came home with a really cute note again saying please come over from his friend.

I honestly don't know how to handle the situation because on one hand I can see that I am being pretty over-protective and I feel bad. I don't allow them to stay places like birthday parties alone and unless I know the parent we don't do play dates with strangers. I also never leave my kids on those play dates. I do this because of experiences I have had in life that I honestly would love to protect my children from. I let them have plenty of fun and I swear I am not up their butts 24/7 but when it comes to play dates I prefer a meet up in a park where I can fully supervise myself. I'd ask that but right now it is cold as heck in MN and we are constantly covered in snow. Having a play date at our house right now isn't an option either, our house is still covered in boxes. I'm slowly unpacking but I'm almost 7 months pregnant and have a lot on my plate to get ready for baby and set up a new life here. This move was a cross country move.

I was thinking of e-mailing the mom but how do I do it without saying, "Hey! I'm a crazy over-protective mom and I don't know you so no!" because in all honesty when things settle down I don't mind getting to know his friend's mom to have play dates. I just am crazy busy and swamped with things atm. I feel a little bad because I don't know if we will get to it this any time soon.
What would you do? Any advice?

[sma123]

Do you have a chuck e cheese or an indoor play area near you? I'm the same way mama... If i'm not there, it's not happening.

[Heather8183]

I'm the same way. No way is my kid going to someone's house we don't know REALLY well.

I think I'd just email her and let her know you're unpacking, 7m pregnant, and just a lot going on for the next few months but as soon as the weather warms up and your house gets straightened around, you'd love to get together and meet her and let the kids play while you chat.

[Marbie]

What about emailing her to meet at the local library or something else indoors? Or if you really want him to have this play date, maybe email to ask if the both of you can go over to their house. (I recently have discovered that there are a lot of indoor play groups at churches in my area, even for non-members. And our YMCA has a Friday play thing as well that is $5 for non-members. Maybe there's something like this in your area?)

It's not crazy that you don't want them to play somewhere new, with new people, all alone. That sounds totally normal to me.

[MDever]

I straight up tell people I am a neurotic wacko

[darci]

A play in the snow play date? Meet at an indoor play place? Both go to their house? When I think of play dates I think of the parent being there. The adults get to talk while the kiddos play. I wouldn't be bothered by the Mom of a new friend insisting on being there. I'd want to be there too.

[Hands&Fire Pottery]

Not sure if you are near the Twin Cities, but there are two indoor parks that would make good playdate space. I have only been to one, but want to go to the other soon!

[leyash]

I'm the same way. My oldest (11 now) has stayed at ONE friend's house without me, and it's because I trust him/his parents. We had an issue with a little boy staying at our house when DS was about 6, and he asked him to have sex (the other boy did). Since then... it's been a no-go. My younger two have never stayed the night/by themselves with anyone except my mom. And they won't anytime soon, and they are 4 and 5.

My kids don't go to birthday parties by themselves. They don't go anywhere by themselves, and I don't feel bad about it. We go to the park with friends, go to friends houses, etc. But they go nowhere alone, and honestly, it will stay that way until I am comfortable.

I would just be honest. "We just moved, we have a million things going on, I'd love to take time to get to know you guys, but right now we are incredibly busy. I'll keep in touch." and leave it at that.

[luvsviola]

I'd email and invite them to go bowling or somewhere as a meetup til you get to know the mom better. Maybe invite them to lunch on a Saturday. Carve out a few hours for him.

[I_run_with_scissors]

id invite the mom and little boy to a play date somewhere like a park, or even to your home if youre comfortable. Maybe after you get to know the boy and his mom you will feel more comfortable about allowing your son to play there alone.

Its ok to be honest about being hesitant to let him go alone for the first time, shes a mom im sure she will understand