Irresponsible-ish Grandma

[Fitter]

Originally Posted by mibarra I wouldn't even go there with the molestation. If I leave my child in YOUR care, then, barring emergencies, I expect you to care for them. Not leave them with someone else. I would just say that, and maybe that you like Billy, but you don't really know him that well yet, and you leave her there to spend time with Grandma. Ya know?

Originally Posted by Hungry Caterpillar I think throwing in worries of molestation, while valid, may sink your point a little bit because an unreasonable person will just focus on "hysteria." The point is that you have carefully chosen a person as a caregiver and that person is not Billy. Billy may be a perfectly acceptable caregiver but you don't know that, you haven't explored it and don't wish to at this time, and the choice of care giver is a choice you feel strongly should rest with you and only you. It's inappropriate that the choice was not yours in this situation.

these two posts really hit on the issue. If she is supposed to be with Grandma then that is it unless it has been cleared with you before hand.

[bluedaisyma]

Yeah I don't think the op is worried about billy molesting or w/e, but her dd is supposed to be with MIL, that's the bottom line. I had a friend who was a dcp and constantly had friends over or had her dh taking care of the kids...i know she didn't clear it with the parents and I knew I wouldn't leave my kids with her bc of it

[linz2491]

I would be livid and I am not a helicopter parent. My friend dated a man for one year never left him with her daughter. She let him watch her after a year one time and he raped her three-year-old.
They have no business leaving her with anyone let alone a man you don't or hardly know.

[JennTheMomma]

I wouldn't be comfy with it either. I would tell her that we leave the daughter with you, not with SIL's boyfriend. Daughter wants to be with grandma. If you don't want to watch her then don't take her at that time. If it continues she will not be allowed to spend the night.

[I_run_with_scissors]

I would just tell her you dont want DD left with Billy when MIL is the one you asked to watch her. Billy probably is a great guy, and im sure hes capable of watching your daughter, but if you wanted Billy to babysit you would have asked him. I dont think you really need to go into anymore details than that.

[CarrieMF]

I do NOT think saying you are concerned about molestation would help unless he is never there when your dd is.

Would you have an issue if your dd was a ds? Or the guy was a girl?

[lilannies mama]

I seriously don't think the op is concerned about molestation I mean it is always possible but not her concern here she doesn't know know this guy I wouldn't allow it either op. my dh has plenty of friends who visit & play with our dd & are like extra uncles to her but they wouldn't be left alone with her not because of anything other than I don't know them myself well enough to say I'm ok with my child's life in his hands. Plus I always say I brought her to see you grandma not your boyfriend. I would say you don't owe an explanation either tell her you just aren't comfortable with it if asked why? Because you said so.

[Geckmumto3]

I don't think she needs an explanation, but I can see how the need to have a minor one might just happen naturally. I would also not be okay with that at all, and would probably just say, "We don't know Billy very well yet, so please do not leave G alone with him. If G's visits don't work with your errands, we will make other plans. Thanks!"

[qsefthuko]

My sister wanted my daughter to stay with her for a week during the summer. While she worked she would have someone else caring for my daughter. I told her no. If she couldn't get the time off we could visit but my daughter couldn't stay for the desired week. When asked why, I told her my daughter was a child not a puppy to be left willy nilly with people I didn't know. She didn't like it. She thought i should simply trust her choice in care taker. I'm sorry if it offends but this is my kid she is not replaceable. If I do not Know someone they are not going to be in charge of caring for my child.