Defiant little girl...I have to tell my friend that her DD can't play with DS anymore

[mom2jirms]

Originally Posted by canadianbakers First off, ignore that post - I agree, kicking you while you're down. Secondly, it sounds like she's taking it personally - just like most parents would/do when they're told something about their own kids. You get defensive, you don't want to admit that your kid does wrong, it feels like an attack on you or your parenting - kwim? I think you did the right thing, although I don't know that I would have gone that far into it. Third, if you lose her as a friend, so be it. And if your DH is pissy about it, whatever. You stood up for your child, you put his safety first, and that's your job as his mommy - to keep him safe, no matter how uncomfortable that may be for you.

I agree with all of this!

[MsGiggles]

Originally Posted by MamaWillow Well that didn't go well. Pretty sure I just lost a friend. I told her that the two kids didn't get along well and that maybe it was their ages, or their dynamic, or something and maybe we need to take some space for them. I also told her that I can't seem to get a handle on Rosie when she's at my house and she doesn't seem to respond to discipline. I suggested maybe park playtime but not at our house because I feel like she needs to be shadowed all the time. I cant risk having holes poked in cushions or the wall anymore. She told me i didnt tell her about that, this was the first she heard, and i told her that we were both right there when it happened. Then things got ugly. She was standoffish and said it was good that we are being honest and that we are on the same page. She wouldn't feel comfortable at our house anyway now knowing how I really feel. I told her I felt like she was mad at me and she said she was hurt because I'm her friend but she respects how I feel. And she doesn't think that Rosie should be at my house anyway. I asked her if Rosie is like that at home, and she said they have their fair share of normal kid stuff. Then I should have just kept my mouth shut but I felt like I had to say that it's not normal kid stuff. That once she told me about Rosie hurting the cats I was honestly a little concerned. That kind of behavior isn't normal for 3yos. She said thanks, rudely. I said obviously you don't feel concerned about it and that I wasn't sure that I was even going to mention it but I am truly worried about her DD. She reiterated that she doesn't want to come to our house and said she wanted to get off the phone. Super. So I totally alienated her. I don't think it even mattered that I said the stuff about Rosie's behavior, I think the damage was already done when I told we shouldn't get the kids together anymore. What a hard situation. I'm sure my DH is going to be livid with me now, since he is friends with the dad and also his boss. Hopefully those two can let it go as "women trouble" and not let it effect them.

so sorry it didn't go well, mama.

[chickiwawa]

This girl sounds out of control. Good grief!
That's tough, but you ultimately have to do what's right for your family. Being a wreck when you're on a play date is no fun; not to mention that your kiddo might pick up on her naughty behavior.
And I'm glad she didn't do anything else with that knitting needle. Yikes!!

[doodah]

you did what you have to do. escape is right. some parents need to hear the same thing over and over before they get it. the first few times, they will get offended and rude. the next couple of times, they will get quiet and start thinking about the pattern here. then hopefully they care enough to finally do something about it. i think with time she will see what you are talking about.

[7mom7]

Wow, we have a kid across the street with very similar behavior and at times he is violent/agressive/calls other kids ugly names. I think a huge part of it is bad parenting, in fact I've heard them say they want him to be "all boy" or tough enough to defend himself. What they have actually done is create a bully. One time he seriously hurt my DS and I was DONE. We haven't played with them for well over a year but I never told her why. I'm sure she thinks I'm just rude or something but since we live near these people I didn't want to burn any bridges or say anything specific about it. Unfortunately, DS really likes playing with this little boy and still talks about him all the time.

It's hard, sometimes I wish I could be more assertive in those situations but I'm really uncomfortable with correcting other people's kids. I'm probably an strict mom by most people's standards but I'm consistent and my kids know what to expect. I feel sorry for kids that don't have any type of structure or discipline.