Can't leave DD

[NotLad]

Given your recent post of your H's heavy drinking, I think this Is another symptom of a dysfunctional home life.

And no, after reading how heavily your H drinks, I would not leave the baby alone with him.

[bluedaisyma]

I don't leave my babies when they are at that stage. I really don't leave little ones at all unless it's a quick drop the kids to school or they are napping. It frustrated my DH that our 1st (my 2 yr old) "hated him" but that passed once he became a toddler and now he's a daddy's boy. I think it's how it should be. Little ones attach to one caregiver, the one they are with the most, the 1st 2 yrs and it's impt. Our 2nd is almost 9 mo and he actually enjoys hanging out with DH...unless I am actually trying to do something like pee, lol! There is a NINO thought, 9 mo in, 9 mo out (being attached to the mom at least that long) since they were with you in your body for that long. To me it's totally normal. I never felt the need to "break" my babies of that habit. They are babies. Babies need their moms. In addition to my littles, have 2 grown kids and 2 teens who are very independent no matter that they basically were attached to my boob, hip, back or sleeping right by my side for a long time....for as long as they needed to be when they were little. I wish my 14 yr old was a little more clingy

[BigSamsMom]

Yep, you've got a high needs DD for sure...like my 9 week old DS2. You are going to have to establish some Daddy time, whether he gives her nightly baths or you immediately hand her off to him after a feed. It wouldn't hurt to pump and start having him give her one feed from a bottle a day, as this is the only way you are going to get some Mommy time (and trust me you will need it eventually, even if you've made it this far).... DS2 takes his last evening feed from a bottle given by DH, we call it getting "Daddy's Booby" - he cradles DS2 on the Boppy just like I do, so there isn't a huge change from where he is getting his nourishment, only what it is coming out of. DH also gets in the bath tub and bathes both boys a few times a week.. that way they are getting skin to skin with Daddy, and not just Mommy. Your DD may fight it at first if she hasn't taken a bottle yet (and you may go through several brands of bottles too - we went through 8!) or bonded with your DH much, so you need to be right there, at first, reassuring her. As she gets more comfortable, move to another room but talk loudly enough that she hears you are nearby. Of course, both you and your DH need to keep your initial frustration in check before you can make this work and you need to go about it slowly. Babies intuitively pick up on their parents anxiety and feed in to it. The key is to stay calm and comforting, and it's hard to do when you've been your baby's primary source of comfort, nourishment, and security.... you in turn feel like you are losing control over this cherished being, even though you are beyond worn out caring for your Petite Puce (french for Little Flea). It's a host of conflicting emotions altogether, and this is what is probably getting in your way right now. I am sure your Pediatrician or someone has mentioned the importance of Mommy getting time for herself... it's true, you need to do it, and let go of the bond a little.

[Kiliki]

Originally Posted by NotLad Given your recent post of your H's heavy drinking, I think this Is another symptom of a dysfunctional home life. And no, after reading how heavily your H drinks, I would not leave the baby alone with him.

didn't realize this was the same poster.

I'm not going to call you out and ask, "Does your DH drink when he's watching the baby?" But I am going to say this...

Please be careful. If your DH is drinking and you leave your DD there with him, and he gets frustrated enough with her crying, he may not react in a pleasant way, and it could be really bad.

[LaurenAppenzeller]

my son was like that I could never leave him home with his dad he would cry the whole time I was gone his dad wasn't as hands on with him as my husband is with my daughter. she is very used to him andbc he spends a lot of time with her and holds her and pays with her a lot while Im home so I can get stuff done around the house and I can leave her with him and go do stuff for hours at a time until she wants to nurse which now that she's 7 mos she can be happily held off on solids until I get home. I can't leave her with anyone else tho besides him or she will cry.I think its just who they are comfortable with and when you're the person who she's with all day and night then thats what she knows. Im ok with not being able to leave her with anyone else, but I am really happy she will stay with daddy bc I can run errands or go to the store without.kids and its really nice. Im sure once yours get a little bit older and plays with daddy more she will be totally fine staying with him and I would try daytime and not bedtime like other people said. neither one of my kids would take a bottle either

[Mom2Connor]

Given the drinking, I would imagine he isn't attending to her properly or snuggling, talking, and playing with her. So yeah, when you get home she's desperate for some loving contact.

I wouldn't leave her alone with him at all, given the circumstances.

[LaurenAppenzeller]

Originally Posted by BigSamsMom Yep, you've got a high needs DD for sure...like my 9 week old DS2. You are going to have to establish some Daddy time, whether he gives her nightly baths or you immediately hand her off to him after a feed. It wouldn't hurt to pump and start having him give her one feed from a bottle a day, as this is the only way you are going to get some Mommy time (and trust me you will need it eventually, even if you've made it this far).... DS2 takes his last evening feed from a bottle given by DH, we call it getting "Daddy's Booby" - he cradles DS2 on the Boppy just like I do, so there isn't a huge change from where he is getting his nourishment, only what it is coming out of. DH also gets in the bath tub and bathes both boys a few times a week.. that way they are getting skin to skin with Daddy, and not just Mommy. Your DD may fight it at first if she hasn't taken a bottle yet (and you may go through several brands of bottles too - we went through 8!) or bonded with your DH much, so you need to be right there, at first, reassuring her. As she gets more comfortable, move to another room but talk loudly enough that she hears you are nearby. Of course, both you and your DH need to keep your initial frustration in check before you can make this work and you need to go about it slowly. Babies intuitively pick up on their parents anxiety and feed in to it. The key is to stay calm and comforting, and it's hard to do when you've been your baby's primary source of comfort, nourishment, and security.... you in turn feel like you are losing control over this cherished being, even though you are beyond worn out caring for your Petite Puce (french for Little Flea). It's a host of conflicting emotions altogether, and this is what is probably getting in your way right now. I am sure your Pediatrician or someone has mentioned the importance of Mommy getting time for herself... it's true, you need to do it, and let go of the bond a little.

this is great advice.

[LaurenAppenzeller]

also bc my daughter is so used to her dad he can get her to sleep when she wakes up in the night which she usually does a lot so if Im super tired I can keep sleeping unless she won't go back to sleep and needs to nurse. he can put her down for nap too so Im not the only one having to do it bc it can take a long time and be kinda hard. my ex wouldn't even let me shower or eat without trying to hand the baby back to me. it was frustrating to never ever have a break.my son wouldn't nap unless I was laying with him nursing him or wearing him so I never got any time to myself ever.when he was a baby. I even remember having the most horrible stomach flu and him yelling at me to g.et up and getthe baby bc he was crying. I def appreciate my husband even more after my experience with my ex.

[aemarques]

Do not get me wrong with my other post please. He does not drink during the day and if I had to leave her with him for any reason he knows ahead of time and if he had been drinking and I couldn't take her with me I would not go.

I do not leave often in fact its only been twice: the first for less than one hour and the second for two hours. She always comes with me.

[aemarques]

Aye I feel like these posts backfired.

He does talk to her love on her and cuddle her. And i know that when i leave her he holds her and plays with her and gives his all when trying to soothe her when se cries. I have made the mistake of not giving him a single responsibility with her. I'm picky and prefer to be the one to change her diaper, bathe her dress her and obviously nurse her. I WANT to do it and enjoy every second of it.

Now that shes eating solids DH really has been enjoying feeding her. Maybe that will be his thing with her.
Although I do like the idea of him taking on maybe the bathing and dressing at night. She definitely still needs to be nursed to sleep, its one of her biggest feeds and I wont take away that nutrition.

Its hard because he works LONG shifts over an hour away so shes still sleeping when he leaves and already in bed when he gets home. So basically 4 days a week they spend no time together.