Reply Hey Mom! Learn more about the Gerber Life Insurance Grow-Up Plan!
 
Thread Tools Display Modes
Old 02-13-2013, 11:36 AM   #1
Kiliki's Avatar
Kiliki
Registered Users
Formerly: kr***y
seller
 
Join Date: Jun 2007
Posts: 9,397
Keeping rooms clean. I stink at this parenting gig.

My 6 y/o has decided to battle me AGAIN over cleaning her room.

After HOURS of telling her to clean up this morning, I finally set a timer just before lunch time. I gave her THIRTY minutes. There were legos. I get that legos are tiny and take a million years to pick up. So I gave her extra time.

She started *actually* cleaning when there were 3 minutes left on the timer.

I finally got tough and just removed all the toys that were on the floor.

I literally had to SWEEP, with a broom, to get them all. And now my hallway is impassable. Dolls, coloring books, doll clothes, legos, crayons, 3x5 cards (that are SUPPOSED to be for school!), hair clips, dirty clothes, flashcards (again, SUPPOSED to be for school), barbies.....

She is SO UPSET. And I am so frustrated, but trying to stay cool and not show much emotion. I warned her several times she would lose the stuff if I had to clean it up.

I am so upset b/c I cannot figure out how to get her to keep her room clean.

I've tried minimizing her toys, b/c I get more mess = more to clean = overwhelming. I tried sticker charts. I tried time outs. I've tried spanking her. I've tried cleaning it for her. I've tried cleaning it WITH her. I've tried "let's spend X minutes cleaning. Then we can stop. We don't have to clean it all at once." I've taken away toys before - once she had to drop them off at Goodwill.

I get that she's just 6. I know her room won't be perfect all the time. But when play time is over, she needs to put her stuff away. That's not a difficult concept for a SIX year old.

My 4.5 y/o can do it with no fussing at all when I ask him to. My 2 y/o puts things "away" (sees a block, picks it up, puts it in the toy box).

What am I doing wrong?!

Advertisement


Last edited by Kiliki; 02-13-2013 at 11:40 AM.
Kiliki is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 02-13-2013, 11:40 AM   #2
madebymommy
Banned - User Requested
seller
 
Join Date: Sep 2008
Location: Central New York
Posts: 3,837
My Mood:
Re: Keeping rooms clean. I stink at this parenting gig.

I'm with you... my kids give me SO much grief about picking up. They don't even play with the stuff, just dump it out all over and then leave the room. I've tried everything! SO now, I give them so long to pick up, and when the time is up, everything that is still on the floor, gets bagged up and put in the garage until they earn it back. In the mean time, I've also been sorting and tossing toys that they seem to only pull out and not actually play with, and giving them away or donating them.

HUGS! It's frustrating!
madebymommy is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 02-13-2013, 11:42 AM   #3
sojomisa's Avatar
sojomisa
Registered Users
seller
 
Join Date: Jul 2011
Location: MD
Posts: 5,466
Re: Keeping rooms clean. I stink at this parenting gig.

My youngest DD does better when there's somewhere to put stuff. Bins/cubbies/toy boxes/drawers are her thing then she totally gets it, and will clean up. But if she was asked to clean up a room that didn't have visible storage she would zone right out, and forget why she was there.

In your case, maybe her losing the toys/stuff for a bit will be the ah-ha moment she needs.
__________________
Kim, a doing what works for us mama to S (06/01), J (03/03), M (12/07) and S (01/11)

Life is not about waiting for the storm to pass. It's about learning to dance in the rain. - Vivian Greene
sojomisa is online now   Reply With Quote
Old 02-13-2013, 11:54 AM   #4
P!nkPepper's Avatar
P!nkPepper

Formerly Q......9
seller
seller
 
Join Date: Jun 2008
Location: Midwest
Posts: 9,596
My Mood:
Maybe she is overwhelmed & needs help. Even if you don't actually want to physically do it with her, give her specific tasks to do. Say go make your bed them come right back. Give her a sticker & say go pick up the cards. Another sticker & say go pick up the legos. Keep going til it is all done. You don't even need to do the stickers. I have to do this with DS1 even at almost 12. He has ADHD & ODD and it doesn't always work but it helps.

Jodie ~ mama to Big K, Medium K & Lil' k
P!nkPepper is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 02-13-2013, 11:59 AM   #5
Tris's Avatar
Tris
Registered Users
seller
seller
 
Join Date: Jan 2013
Posts: 3,535
My Mood:
Re: Keeping rooms clean. I stink at this parenting gig.

I hated cleaning as a kid. I hate cleaning now. Cleaning to my kids involves them playing in their room for hours . You aren't doing anything wrong, she's just a kid who isn't concerned with putting everything in its place. Get some large rubbermaids, sort out each toy type per tub. So dolls/ house in one, Legos in another, Barbies in another, art in another, hamper for clothes. The simpler the classification the better. She can only play with one toy type at a time, before she can open the next tub she has to put everything back in the first tub. No forgetting, I'm assuming she can read so hang a sign. Add a consequence, if you walk in to her playing with Legos while the dolls are everywhere, the doll bin goes into time out for x time. 3 days, then 1 week, then 2 weeks, etc. it may not be pretty, but at this point you have to work on the habit and function part, not the form part

Eta, and if she was cleaning, I would've let her continue. The point was to get her to clean, so by stopping her it was a bit like punishing her, even though she waited until last minute.
__________________
J- sahm to Z~12.07, A~4.09 and J~ 8.13

Last edited by Tris; 02-13-2013 at 12:00 PM.
Tris is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 02-13-2013, 12:15 PM   #6
marliah's Avatar
marliah
Registered Users
seller
seller
 
Join Date: Aug 2006
Location: Maine
Posts: 1,598
My Mood:
Re: Keeping rooms clean. I stink at this parenting gig.

I am not very nice about this. I am in the process of minimizing as it is, but I have been telling the children if they do not pick up their stuff after they have been told to I will go and do it for them (which they know means I will show up with a garbage bag and will unceremoniously throw whatever I define as clutter or trash into said bag). I only had to do this a couple times and now they typically clean up without an arguement. One of the boys tested me on this a couple days ago, lets just say our local dump swap shop (a place to donate usable items for free) scored some nice toys. You have to stick to your guns, if you told her it was going if she didnt pick it up get rid of it. Sometimes there really is just too much stuff! perhaps freeing her of some toys will help her feel less overwhelmed. Another rule is making sure everything has a place. If toys dont have bins or shelves they belong to then we need to remedy that. Just take some paper and scotch tape and label things (i.e. a bin for legos, shelf for books, folder for papers). If they dont have somewhere they belong how can a child put them away? We are regularly going through our toys together and making sure we either love or need the items we have, if we do not its time to bless someone else with them.

I also restrict toys to the living area. There are only very special exceptions to this. My one son has a few (literally 4 toys) allowed in his room. The other boys have some paper, pencils, books and a couple stuffed animals each in their room. My daughter has 2 stuffed animals she brings to and from her room. Everything else is in the livingroom or in bins in the closet. IMO bedrooms are for sleeping or reading/quiet time not for playing.

Thats just my
__________________
Tara Joyfully serving Yeshua, Happy helpmeet to my dear husband J, Blessed momma to: J - 15, M - 13, D - 10, R - 3, M - 7/31/12 and praying for more!
marliah is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 02-13-2013, 12:18 PM   #7
momtojande's Avatar
momtojande
Registered Users
Formerly: JonsMommy
 
Join Date: Apr 2007
Posts: 4,146
My Mood:
Re: Keeping rooms clean. I stink at this parenting gig.

It's a struggle here too. And my mom gets a laugh out of it, since my room was always such a disaster. So I know I'm being a complete hypocrite when I get onto the kids for their rooms.

Quote:
Originally Posted by Quickshep19 View Post
Maybe she is overwhelmed & needs help. Even if you don't actually want to physically do it with her, give her specific tasks to do. Say go make your bed them come right back. Give her a sticker & say go pick up the cards. Another sticker & say go pick up the legos. Keep going til it is all done. You don't even need to do the stickers. I have to do this with DS1 even at almost 12. He has ADHD & ODD and it doesn't always work but it helps.
I agree with this. "Clean your room" just seems too overwhelming to both of my kids. But walking them through step by step seems to work better. You'd think they could remember the steps next time, but we aren't there yet. I've thought about making a poster of it to put up whenever I say to clean.

And just a thought: I tend to forget this, but I do so much better at housework if I put music on. Maybe that would help the kids too? I'll have to try it; maybe it would distract them more than help.

Last edited by momtojande; 02-13-2013 at 01:31 PM.
momtojande is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 02-13-2013, 12:22 PM   #8
7mom7
Registered Users
 
Join Date: Jun 2012
Posts: 615
Re: Keeping rooms clean. I stink at this parenting gig.

Quote:
Originally Posted by Quickshep19 View Post
Maybe she is overwhelmed & needs help. Even if you don't actually want to physically do it with her, give her specific tasks to do. Say go make your bed them come right back. Give her a sticker & say go pick up the cards. Another sticker & say go pick up the legos. Keep going til it is all done. You don't even need to do the stickers. I have to do this with DS1 even at almost 12. He has ADHD & ODD and it doesn't always work but it helps.

Jodie ~ mama to Big K, Medium K & Lil' k
This is what we have to do but I do it with them. I'll give an instruction like DS1 do the cars, DS2 do the legos and during that time I'm back there with them cleaning the bathroom or making beds so I can tell if they stop and play. When they finish one job I'll give them another. We spend 20 minutes doing a quick clean before bed to make sure we start fresh the next morning. I don't reward each type of toy they clean but sometimes they will ask for a stamp for doing such a good job at the end. I do A LOT of praising while they clean. We also have a place for everything so they know where each item goes. When we get new toys something has to go. I don't tell them and they haven't ever noticed (except the one time they saw the toys at the neighbor's house!).
7mom7 is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 02-13-2013, 12:34 PM   #9
sojomisa's Avatar
sojomisa
Registered Users
seller
 
Join Date: Jul 2011
Location: MD
Posts: 5,466
Re: Keeping rooms clean. I stink at this parenting gig.

I agree with breaking it up as well. Sometimes, I will make her a pile then say put this away.
__________________
Kim, a doing what works for us mama to S (06/01), J (03/03), M (12/07) and S (01/11)

Life is not about waiting for the storm to pass. It's about learning to dance in the rain. - Vivian Greene
sojomisa is online now   Reply With Quote
Old 02-13-2013, 12:40 PM   #10
tallanvor
Registered Users
seller
 
Join Date: Aug 2007
Location: Oklahoma
Posts: 13,474
Re: Keeping rooms clean. I stink at this parenting gig.

For starters, I totally agree she may be overwhelmed. I get that way and I've been cleaning for decades. I have to have specific goals and if my kids need them, I give them specific steps. Eventually they learn to make their own steps, but we start out with a simple

Go get everything off the bed that doesn't belong there.
Put the blankets and pillows on the bed.
Put the dirty clothes in the hamper.
Pick up the ponies.

And so forth. It takes a while, but they get it.

Also, how often are you having her clean? We found it to be too much to try and get rooms cleaned everyday. We tried it and it seemed there was always something that would come up and we would miss a day and then the kids would give me lip about how they didn't clean it the day before so why should they today, etc. So, we now clean rooms Monday, Wednesday, Friday. Rooms have to be clean before dinner and before they get electronic time.

As someone else mentioned, make sure everything has it's own place. Depending on her learning style, you might try color coding things. Maybe ponies go in a pink tub, since they both start with p. Dolls could go in a dotted tub/bucket because of the d. I don't know. I saw it on an organizing show once about how learning styles spill over into how we do with organizing.
tallanvor is online now   Reply With Quote
Reply

Thread Tools
Display Modes

Posting Rules
You may not post new threads
You may not post replies
You may not post attachments
You may not edit your posts

BB code is On
Smilies are On
[IMG] code is On
HTML code is Off

Forum Jump

Copyright 2005 - 2014 Escalate Media. All Rights Reserved.