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Old 03-11-2013, 07:38 PM   #1
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I don't know where to start. I am fighting to get a referral to the psychologist. The one Dr says the other does it and back and forth. The appointment is the 25th BTW!
I can't deal with DD! I just can't! I don't know how! I am so tired of the lying and exaggerations and the denial! I am tired of being told I am mean, stupid and a liar. I said find Uno game and we will play it if your nice(she has been horrible to me all day but seemed to have changed after last grounding). She ends up screaming at me because she didn't want to play it! I take game away, I am a liar. Oh I am also a liar for not putting her bookcase head board together Saturday! I was in the ER!!!!!!! How the heck can I do that with a migraine and being given morphine, tramadol, phenergren, and benadryl? I apologized and said I was never promising when again in case something comes up. I haven't heard the end of it and I won't.
She is constantly saying I want to go live with Dad because...I know this is normal. If it was just that I could deal.
I am just sick of all the fighting. I have kept the same morning routine for a month almost, that is the whole time we have lived here! Yet she fights constantly and she screams I am rushing her! She has 45 minutes! Plenty of time! I give her warnings. She has managed to leave 2 min late one day. Rest have been 10-15. Not a big deal just less play time for her but still it is uncalled for. Oh and I have adjusted the time, she still is rushed.
All I want to do is cry!
BTW she is diagnosed with high functioning Autism and possible ADHD on top of it. She is going to the psychologist to find out exactly where on the spectrum we are.

She just told me she will only take a bath if I am nice to her! I said I don't spank you(haven't in years as it doesn't phase her, nothing really does), I don't beat you, I feed you, I follow the house rules giving punishments, I am nice to you. Be nice to me and you will be rewarded. She said I am always nice to you. Uh huh sure kid! Get in there and take a bath! Didn't say the last two things to her. I just said you know the rules now take a bath. She is in the bath after more mouthing off to me.

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Old 03-11-2013, 08:23 PM   #2
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Re: Don't think I can do this!

Call your insurance company. Ask them who should submit the referral. For DS, who is Medicaid in Indiana, the psychologists office takes care of all the paperwork.

Do you have a good working relationship with your ped's office? We talk to ours weekly, so they know my voice when I call. If it were me, I'd explain the situation to the nurse at the peds office, and I'd ask the nurse at the peds office to call the psychologists office, and see if she can have better luck getting care situated for your daughter than you are having.
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Old 03-11-2013, 08:31 PM   #3
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Have you talked to her school special education dept about behavior modification strategies? Behavior charts, contracts, social stories?

So sorry for you mama, I have no idea what I would do in that situation

Hugs.
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Old 03-11-2013, 08:56 PM   #4
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Call your insurance company. Ask them who should submit the referral. For DS, who is Medicaid in Indiana, the psychologists office takes care of all the paperwork.

Do you have a good working relationship with your ped's office? We talk to ours weekly, so they know my voice when I call. If it were me, I'd explain the situation to the nurse at the peds office, and I'd ask the nurse at the peds office to call the psychologists office, and see if she can have better luck getting care situated for your daughter than you are having.
I called Medicaid. They said the Psychiatrist should and to be safe both Ped and Psychiatrist should. Psychiatrist's nurse says Ped should and Ped's nurse says Psychiatrist. Psychologist says they need the referral. It is confusing because Behavioral Management(Therapy place) referred us to the Psychiatrist. Ped referred us to Behavioral place. The referral to the Psychiatrist was through Behaviorals Card from the Ped. So they aren't involved. I swear I want to scream. I left a message on Psychiatrist's nurses line oh probably a month ago now with number to Ped. Haven't heard back and the one time I called since left a message and again no call back. I even dropped off papers there and the lady there said she didn't know, not the nurse. Previous to the last two messages I had been going back and forth for 3 weeks! I got sick, moved...locally, and was working a ton so had no time. I am calling again tomorrow and demanding I have a card in hand tomorrow! I will have both sign it! The nurse at Psychiatrists office said they don't have the referral cards at all either.

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Have you talked to her school special education dept about behavior modification strategies? Behavior charts, contracts, social stories?

So sorry for you mama, I have no idea what I would do in that situation

Hugs.
Nope. Just switched schools with the move and since everything is in the air we aren't doing anything. I am going to see what can be done. Since I found out their psychologist will have to see her to. The plan was to wait until we know for sure where she is at. The psychiatrist is thinking at a 2 year old level emotionally I am thinking 4. I guess that changes where she is at and services or her?
A mom I was gotten in touch with gave me lots of links about daily charts and social stories. I just don't have a printer either. I hope to get one this week.
And no I can't get to the library to print. Their hours and mine don't match.
The therapist she sees now doesn't deal with Autistic kids normally. So we are just waiting there to til we can match her with a better therapist. I thought she was just ADHD. I had no idea it could be Autism. Now it makes total sense but oh my talk about a shock!

I guess it boils down to I need to know how to deal with all this from her. I probably need therapy but can't afford it..no insurance on me. She knows how to push. I am doing this 1, 2, 3 technique given to me before the diagnosis by her therapist and it doesn't work. All it does it make me madder and her scream at me. At the beginning it worked sort of. Been using it for well over 2 months now. Now it is I get to three and she screams I am doing it for no reason and will argue if I engage her. I try hard not to. I keep saying go to your room. I can't really move her physically anymore and she knows this and uses it to her advantage. If I am angry enough I can but scared to if that makes sense. The adrenaline has to be there. She weighs about 70lbs. That dead weight fighting and kicking I just can't do. I could barely due 65lbs. I worry I will hurt her, by accident as I can't hold her properly.

We are in limbo and I can't take it. I was at the end of my rope when I was seeking help. I have been begged to be listened to for years when we were in KY. Finally listened to here and now this road block. Plus her on top of it.
My ADHD meds seem to be working as far as focusing, able to read all about this Autism stuff I was emailed by the mom.
I guess I need action.
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Old 03-11-2013, 09:23 PM   #5
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Re: Don't think I can do this!

I don't have a ton of answers for you unfortunately. She sounds a lot like both of my boys. My oldest is a dawdler, always needs more time and lately has been getting so frustrated with me about every little thing. It is my youngest who is always telling me I'm mean or I'm a liar whenever I correct him though. I try not to engage or argue (because I know he has defiance problems and it can just keep going forever). He has to argue, it is what he needs and his meds aren't working right now (I need to talk to his doctor).

When we were working with referrals for medicaid they all had to come from my son's pedi even if it was his psychologist that recommended the therapy or whatever. I would just drag him over to the pedi and get them to write out a quick referral but my pedi is easy that way. The psychologist and therapy required referrals his newest specialist does not because medicaid won't cover it our normal insurance will and that is PPO.

Personally I like Love and Logic books for parenting but obviously they aren't working perfectly for me as I am considering shipping my child off to boarding school or a monastery until he reaches 20. Seriously though there are some decent books out there that may help you feel a little less overwhelmed. Both for you and for your dd if she feels like reading them.
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Old 03-11-2013, 10:33 PM   #6
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I don't have a ton of answers for you unfortunately. She sounds a lot like both of my boys. My oldest is a dawdler, always needs more time and lately has been getting so frustrated with me about every little thing. It is my youngest who is always telling me I'm mean or I'm a liar whenever I correct him though. I try not to engage or argue (because I know he has defiance problems and it can just keep going forever). He has to argue, it is what he needs and his meds aren't working right now (I need to talk to his doctor).

When we were working with referrals for medicaid they all had to come from my son's pedi even if it was his psychologist that recommended the therapy or whatever. I would just drag him over to the pedi and get them to write out a quick referral but my pedi is easy that way. The psychologist and therapy required referrals his newest specialist does not because medicaid won't cover it our normal insurance will and that is PPO.

Personally I like Love and Logic books for parenting but obviously they aren't working perfectly for me as I am considering shipping my child off to boarding school or a monastery until he reaches 20. Seriously though there are some decent books out there that may help you feel a little less overwhelmed. Both for you and for your dd if she feels like reading them.
Thank you. I am going to call the Ped and Medicaid again in the am along with psychologist just to see if I can get my pleas heard. My mom gave me the idea of writing them letters for written record of it. If nothing happens tomorrow I will do that and my mom said she can print them from work. Happens to be DD's school also. She is going to get the details of DD and school psychologist also. Though she made it clear no meds or stuff like that. Fine by me she said it had to be done whether or not I had the other diagnosis so no change there. I looked at the number of week days off I have that I can call and hound these people and there isn't many and it freaked me out. I am a bit more calm now.

I have a resource at work to that may be able to help me. Not sure as she worked in North Dakota with Autistic kids not here but may have contacts.

I saw your thread and I think I responded. He sounds just like my DD. I understand. I was thinking during your thread that I so would like to do that to and they might be good friends since they are so much a like. Though wouldn't work in a monastery.

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Old 03-12-2013, 06:17 AM   #7
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