Dads rights: naming, circing, etc?

[thealmightyme]

Hmm interesting.

[mibarra]

My understanding is that (before contesting in court) dad's legal rights come from being listed on the birth certificate. Without that it's not "his child" until proven legally.

[bigmamakelsey]

I think parents should have equal rights. Hopefully most issues could be worked out easily with compromise, but if there is a big issue (like one wants to circ, and one doesn't) I think it should go in favor of whoever feels the strongest.

[tallanvor]

Originally Posted by mibarra My understanding is that (before contesting in court) dad's legal rights come from being listed on the birth certificate. Without that it's not "his child" until proven legally.

Our oldest was born before we were married and we had to go have an affidavit signed saying the DH was her father. Legally, he had no rights to her until that was done.

I'm not sure about when married. I know that in the state of Michigan (unless it's changed) the father is legally the father of the child born to his wife while they are married, unless paperwork is done to say otherwise.

[EmilytheStrange]

morally, I don't think any mother has the 'right' to make all decisions against the wishes of the father. And I think it's generally a pretty cruddy spouse/partner who does those things to their partner. I am glad I am not with someone so selfish.

legally, yes, I think most things, the mother has the right. This world is very much centered on 'her body, her baby'.

as far as the name goes, though. No. My sister was named by her father who filled the birth certificate out while our mother was elsewhere. He chose the name he liked the best, but not the one that my mom had chosen. My DH keeps telling me he'll be filling out the birth certificate while I'm napping to put the name that he wants, but I know he'd never actually do that. Mostly I know this because we have had the real discussion that he's just joking.

We're military and the only person allowed to make the decision about ultrasounds and finding out gender, etc is the mom. If I said 'no, we're team green' and DH wasn't on board, it'd be too bad, so sad for him. Consequently, we are team green, but this is a decision we both made.

Re: circumcision. I have my ideas and he has his. We are going with his because 1) I don't feel so strongly and 2) he's a man and quite frankly, knows more about man stuff. I'm assuming that either of us could choose to make the appt to circumcise our child if we wanted. He'd have a hard time separating me from my newborn baby if he tried to be sneaky or something, but it is possible. Without my consent, as a mother. I don't think anyone would think twice if he showed up at the dr all alone with the baby to get a procedure done.

[Pixi6s]

If dad is put on the birth cert than he has a say. Not sure about deciding than name though since that is before the BC...

[Mom2Connor]

Originally Posted by HeatherlovesCDs I think the decision should be equal for all things unless there are some mitigating circumstances. I've never understood why some women seem to think the men should have no say. However, if mom and dad disagree, someone has to "win" per say. I mean, you can't really compromise on some things, either you circ or your don't, either his name is John or Mark. So, when it comes to things like that, my husband and I usually go with whoever feels more strongly about it or has a valid moral conviction. Sometimes that is my husband and sometimes it is me. Luckily, my husband and I very rarely have strong disagreements about issues of parenting.

Yes, you hit the nail on the head. Everyone says he has a say, but what happens when there is no way to compromise re a name or circing or other important issue? Mom says I want to name him David and dad says no, we are naming him jackson. Who gets to make the final call legally? Mom says I'm circing him at 24 hrs old in the hospital, and dad says NO. Who gets to make that call legally?

I had an emergency c section. I was on very high doses of mag and had a rough 24 hts after birth. Really more like 36. DS was born on Friday evening and I wasn't doing well until Sunday AM. We were not married. I did put him on the BC of course. But they had me fill out ALL paperwork. I am curious if it will be the same now that we are married for DS2.

[robyn_h]

I think my husband and I have equal say in most things, even though I am more stubborn so I usually win. Lol. My husband picked DS's name and I want crazy about it but I went along with it to make him happy.

As far as I am concerned with circing, neither parent should have the right to cut off a perfectly good body part for cosmetic reasons. I told my husband such, and after lots of discussion, that was that. He now agrees with me, but at first we completely disagreed.

We have respect for each others authority, and take it into consideration. It is hard for me to not make all the decisions 100% of the time, but that is just my personality. dH is very opinionated too, but not as much as me. Lol.

[7mom7]

I've often wondered the same thing about abortions. I think it gets sticky legally but it doesn't seem fair that the dad gets no say. It also seems like the courts favor moms in custody issues. Sad.

[EmilytheStrange]

Originally Posted by 7mom7 I've often wondered the same thing about abortions. I think it gets sticky legally but it doesn't seem fair that the dad gets no say. It also seems like the courts favor moms in custody issues. Sad.

this is definitely sad.

it's very sticky, but it's also not fair. Babies are made by 2 people, not just one.