Dads rights: naming, circing, etc?

[jam's mum]

Originally Posted by AniMommy [...[ I recently pondered if parents could give a kid any old last name. I mean could I have named my kid John Smith when our last name was Jones?

My daughter has a different last name from both DH and I (I kept my last name). It was my mother's maiden name, and any future children will have it too.

She was born in the UK though, where they (the state) are extremely hands-off about naming (in contrast to various European countries which are scarily draconian).

[PoshPants]

Originally Posted by CASMama711 For circ, only one parent has to consent, but if the other parent explicitly voices a refusal before it's been done, then it can't (legally) be done. This is exactly what happened with my DS. He was born prematurely and my DH and I had discussions about circ, but we hadn't reached an agreement before he was born. My DH signed a consent for it while I was still unconscious following a traumatic birth. Luckily, the NICU doesn't circ until discharge and I found out about the consent my DH had signed and refused the circ before it was completed, so DS was not circed.

were you upset with him?

[PoshPants]

Originally Posted by jam's mum My daughter has a different last name from both DH and I (I kept my last name). It was my mother's maiden name, and any future children will have it too. She was born in the UK though, where they (the state) are extremely hands-off about naming (in contrast to various European countries which are scarily draconian).

never heard that before, can you share the reason behind it? just curious.

and you are correct, you can name your child any wacky name you want in the UK, and you can change it within so many months too, but in furture it's super easy to change your name, you sign a form you can print online, it's an odd system

[jam's mum]

Originally Posted by PoshPants never heard that before, can you share the reason behind it? just curious. [...]

I didn't want to change my name on marriage because 1. I think it's a damaging tradition, and 2. DH's family name has absolutely nothing to do with me. On the other hand, neither of us is attached to our last names in terms of needing or wanting them to carry on. Our names actually make a great portmanteau that I wanted us all to adopt, but it's a bit silly, and DH is a high school teacher so that was out. It didn't seem fair for either one of us to be the odd one out in our family.

My mum and her sister both changed their last name when they got married in the 80s, so it would have been gone from our family now; it was the logical, and the sentimental choice for our daughter. It's a pretty last name too.

I was all set to have the next baby have DH's mum's maiden name, and then we each would have different last names all united by our unique family history, but DH said that was too complicated. So my mum's maiden name for our children it is.

I don't have any expectations for the names of our descendents, obviously .

[MyLovely]

Morally, I think that both partners should have equal rights, with the default going to the parent who has done the most research and feels the strongest. So if I have spent a lot of time researching circumcision and feel strongly opposed, and DH says "I have a penis, so that's that and he's getting it done", I'm going to "win." However, I firmly believe that in a functional relationship, both parties can come to an agreement.

Legally though, I do support the rights being primarily with the woman. Yes, there will always be some bad eggs who are spiteful and mean, but the principle is important to me. What if a woman is in an abusive relationship? She should have every right to kick her husband out of the delivery room and give the baby her own last name. As I said, a functional relationship won't have these issues. I'm not denying that there are cases where the woman is the abuser and the husband should have all rights, but those are much rarer than the other way around so that's the way the law goes.

[qsefthuko]

On the circing issue I think in hospital it is 100% the mother's choice. I do think that out of hospital the father then gets equal choice.

Naming, again in hospital it is 100% mother's choice. However I was told that in Illinois you have 1 year to legally change a child's name with no charge and few hoops tomjump through. Mother is not required to give consent to a name change. Or so I understood it anyway. That was nearly 14 years ago though so things may well have changed since then. Especially since 911 occurred. Many things have changed since then.

[alsatia23]

Here's how it went for us:

Baby's first name - I suggested it, he liked it, we went with it
Baby's last name - He wanted his last name, I was cool with that, we used his last name (we didn't get married until after our third child together *gasp*)
Circumcision - He wanted it done, I said absolutely not, and our boys are intact

So we compromised mostly, but not when it came to altering our sons body. I would tend to believe that the woman has the end-vote legally.

[MamaNae]

From my personal experience, any and all paperwork was filled out by me. The hospital staff never once asked DH to sign anything...everything was signed by me. I was in active labor and they were asking me to sign something and DH said "I can do it" and the staff said "No, she has to." I don't know if they were just being pains in the butt or if legally DH couldn't sign it...

My oldest is circ'ed, I'm almost positive that was another form they said that only I could fill out. They wouldn't let DH sign it. Our youngest is intact so it never came up. I think, again, I signed the "Do NOT consent" form.

However, my dad filled out my birth certificate and my mom has never let him hear the end of it (they're divorced now) my name was (according to my mother) supposed to be Renae Dawn. My dad put Renae Elizabeth (my mom's middle name is Elizabeth). My mom didn't even know until my birth certificate came in the mail. She was pissed. LOL

[Docs Wife]

When I had my YDS it was by emergency c-hyst using general anaesthesia. My DS was taken to the NICU, I spent the night in the ICU. Although I signed emergency treatment concent forms for DS before he was even born DH signed and gave concent for everything done for the first 24hrs. The little boy that was next to DS in the step down unit had everything consented to by his dad. The mom had complications and never came to the NICU it was always his dad. He did all the paperwork and consent forms including telling them he did not want his DS circed. I don't know if it makes a difference that we are in a MTF or not.

[Quickshep19]

Originally Posted by Nickel+3 I don' think it would be fair for the mother to claim all the rights in the naming/circ'ing issue, if the dad is involved and ESPECIALLY if married. If the mom has to take over and not allow the dad's input, I thnk there are more problems there.

I agree with this. I am not sure about the legalities however, I would assume if married both have equal say.

Jodie ~ mama to Big K, Medium K & Lil' k