Reply Hey Mom! Learn more about the Gerber Life Insurance Grow-Up Plan!
 
Thread Tools Display Modes
Old 02-21-2013, 09:57 AM   #51
Mom2Connor's Avatar
Mom2Connor
Registered Users
 
Join Date: Jul 2011
Posts: 3,283
That's the point though. You can't have equal say. Someone must have slightly more or what happens when they can't agree? I can not believe this has never happened anywhere....

You can't half way circ or have two first names on the BC YK?!

Advertisement

__________________
Proud SAHM to Connor (8-6-10) and our little born 4-14-13
Mom2Connor is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 02-21-2013, 10:05 AM   #52
ulawolf's Avatar
ulawolf
Registered Users
seller
seller
 
Join Date: Apr 2010
Location: michigan
Posts: 3,499
Actually from what I understand if you are legally married to the father the moment the child is born he is just as legally responsible and has equal rights. In Michigan that includes if the child isn't biologically his. This came up during my divorce. I found out I was pregnant two weeks before my final divorce hearing (years in the process) and my lawyer told me not to tell the court. My ex would have legal claim and responsibility to that baby because it was conceived while still married. I'm not sure how it worked I just know that the lawyer said it was a big deal.
ulawolf is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 02-21-2013, 10:15 AM   #53
luvsviola's Avatar
luvsviola
Registered Users
seller
seller
 
Join Date: Dec 2006
Location: Central Indiana
Posts: 17,103
My Mood:
Re: Dads rights: naming, circing, etc?

Quote:
Originally Posted by ulawolf View Post
Actually from what I understand if you are legally married to the father the moment the child is born he is just as legally responsible and has equal rights. In Michigan that includes if the child isn't biologically his. This came up during my divorce. I found out I was pregnant two weeks before my final divorce hearing (years in the process) and my lawyer told me not to tell the court. My ex would have legal claim and responsibility to that baby because it was conceived while still married. I'm not sure how it worked I just know that the lawyer said it was a big deal.
This is Indiana too.
__________________
Kristen
Middle school teacher by day, super mom by night
Mommy to The Boss~2007, The Energizer Bunny~2009, and The Princess~2011
My kids are no longer in diapers, but somehow, my computer keeps finding its way back here...
luvsviola is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 02-21-2013, 10:21 AM   #54
Mom2Connor's Avatar
Mom2Connor
Registered Users
 
Join Date: Jul 2011
Posts: 3,283
Still not understanding how parents can equally decide opposite things. You either circ or you don't. So I guess whoever gets the kid alone first can make that decision and the other parent can't contest it for any reason?

And whoever gets to fill out the BC paperwork first wins, but the other parent can legally change it, then the other change it back until someone gives up?
__________________
Proud SAHM to Connor (8-6-10) and our little born 4-14-13
Mom2Connor is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 02-21-2013, 10:21 AM   #55
happysmileylady
Registered Users
seller
 
Join Date: Apr 2011
Posts: 8,715
Re: Dads rights: naming, circing, etc?

That's how I understand it too. The only reason that there's a discrepancy regarding father allowed in the room at birth, abortions and other issues surrounding the pregnancy is because the pregnant person is the patient, not the child she is pregnant with.
__________________
Kim-married to Dan
Mama to Caiti (17), Rae Rae (4), Dani Lee(2), and CJ, born 10/12/12.
Stuff From Kim's Kloset That Special Moment Photography Also come check out Swagbucks with me!
happysmileylady is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 02-21-2013, 10:26 AM   #56
happysmileylady
Registered Users
seller
 
Join Date: Apr 2011
Posts: 8,715
Re: Dads rights: naming, circing, etc?

Quote:
Originally Posted by Mom2Connor View Post
Still not understanding how parents can equally decide opposite things. You either circ or you don't. So I guess whoever gets the kid alone first can make that decision and the other parent can't contest it for any reason?

And whoever gets to fill out the BC paperwork first wins, but the other parent can legally change it, then the other change it back until someone gives up?
I think that is actually pretty much exactly how it works.

And I think that really, it has to. To carry it a bit further, imagine if you had to have both parents present for every doc appointment and dentist appointment. What kind of nightmare would that be, with both parents having to be available every single time.
__________________
Kim-married to Dan
Mama to Caiti (17), Rae Rae (4), Dani Lee(2), and CJ, born 10/12/12.
Stuff From Kim's Kloset That Special Moment Photography Also come check out Swagbucks with me!
happysmileylady is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 02-21-2013, 10:35 AM   #57
MyLovely's Avatar
MyLovely
Registered Users
 
Join Date: Feb 2010
Location: In Transit
Posts: 3,354
Re: Dads rights: naming, circing, etc?

Isn't that why we're discussing it on both a philosophical and legal level though? Morally speaking, both parents should have equal say. With things like circumcision and vaccination, yes, ultimately one parent "gives in." However, usually their change in opinion is either the result of their own education, or deferral to their spouse who is more knowledgeable. In terms of names, compromise is definitely possible. If you hate the name DH likes and he hates the name you like, you find a new name you can both agree upon.

However, legally, the immediate rights should remain with the mother unless there is reason to believe she isn't a competent caregiver, or unless she is manipulative/unstable. In terms of long-term issues, I can't see it being a problem unless one parent is unhinged. For example, either parent should be able to consent to emergency procedures. If a mother is attempting to refuse cancer treatment/emergency surgery/blood transfusion and the father is attempting to consent, his consent should take precedence. In terms of anything else less emergent, I would think both parents consent should be expected.
__________________
MyLovely is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 02-21-2013, 10:38 AM   #58
BigSamsMom
Registered Users
seller
 
Join Date: Dec 2009
Posts: 1,890
Re: Dads rights: naming, circing, etc?

I took DH's last name, and dropped my middle name for my maiden name.... I have done this will all three of my marriages.

As per naming our children, we come to an agreement on the name.

As per circing, I let DH make the decision. DS1 is circed, and I talked him out of circing DS2, so he is intact.

Legally, and I do have my J.D. (but family law is not my specialty), it would lean towards being the mother's decision, especially in cases where the father is not playing an "active" role, the couple is unmarried/separated, etc. Sorry, but I can't find much case law on happily married couples taking each other to court over circing/naming rights.
BigSamsMom is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 02-21-2013, 10:39 AM   #59
Mom2Connor's Avatar
Mom2Connor
Registered Users
 
Join Date: Jul 2011
Posts: 3,283
Quote:
Originally Posted by MyLovely
Isn't that why we're discussing it on both a philosophical and legal level though? Morally speaking, both parents should have equal say. With things like circumcision and vaccination, yes, ultimately one parent "gives in." However, usually their change in opinion is either the result of their own education, or deferral to their spouse who is more knowledgeable. In terms of names, compromise is definitely possible. If you hate the name DH likes and he hates the name you like, you find a new name you can both agree upon.

However, legally, the immediate rights should remain with the mother unless there is reason to believe she isn't a competent caregiver, or unless she is manipulative/unstable. In terms of long-term issues, I can't see it being a problem unless one parent is unhinged. For example, either parent should be able to consent to emergency procedures. If a mother is attempting to refuse cancer treatment/emergency surgery/blood transfusion and the father is attempting to consent, his consent should take precedence. In terms of anything else less emergent, I would think both parents consent should be expected.
Personally speaking, I was only wondering about the legal side of it. I think most of society would agree that education on circing should make the decision, and a name that both like should be sought out. I certainly don't mind people talking about the moral side of it.
__________________
Proud SAHM to Connor (8-6-10) and our little born 4-14-13
Mom2Connor is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 02-21-2013, 10:42 AM   #60
Mom2Connor's Avatar
Mom2Connor
Registered Users
 
Join Date: Jul 2011
Posts: 3,283
Quote:
Originally Posted by BigSamsMom
I took DH's last name, and dropped my middle name for my maiden name.... I have done this will all three of my marriages.

As per naming our children, we come to an agreement on the name.

As per circing, I let DH make the decision. DS1 is circed, and I talked him out of circing DS2, so he is intact.

Legally, and I do have my J.D. (but family law is not my specialty), it would lean towards being the mother's decision, especially in cases where the father is not playing an "active" role, the couple is unmarried/separated, etc. Sorry, but I can't find much case law on happily married couples taking each other to court over circing/naming rights.
I guess I was more thinking married but unhappily lol. Certainly if it's being fought out in court there are serious issues.
__________________
Proud SAHM to Connor (8-6-10) and our little born 4-14-13
Mom2Connor is offline   Reply With Quote
Reply

Thread Tools
Display Modes

Posting Rules
You may not post new threads
You may not post replies
You may not post attachments
You may not edit your posts

BB code is On
Smilies are On
[IMG] code is On
HTML code is Off

Forum Jump

Copyright 2005 - 2014 Escalate Media. All Rights Reserved.