3rd hand smoke?

[Musickmama]

This seems to be a subject most people I know IRL aren't aware of. As in have never heard of. So I'm having a hard time finding support, sympathy, of even a voice of reason from there.

I grew up with a smoker, and I believe it had a significant impact on my health. Lots off sickness, extreme constant ear infections, etc...

None of our immediate family smokes. No one visiting is allowed to smoke indoors, in car, etc... What I'm worried about though is 3rd hand smoke on clothing, possessions, and being breathed out.

I'm due in July, and this is bothering me enough that I think about it daily and constantly when around a smoker

To expand a bit, this isn't going to be an every once in awhile issue. But not an everyday issue either. There are times that a heavy smoker stays with us for a few days at a time. Even if they've left and I come home later, I can still smell it in the house. And, granted my sense of smell is heightened, I feel like I should literally be able to see smoke come pouring out when they cough just from how much the smell comes out.

Am I overreacting? Being unreasonable? How do I approach the issue? I just have no idea what to do! I just know that I don't want my sweet baby breathing in those nasty fumes that are obvious from the stench it causes. I don't even want to breathe it myself.

[jj7202]

When my son met my dad for the fist time my dad had flown over to Germany to see us and had been without a cigarette for about 12 hours by the time they reached us and didn't have one the entire time he visited.
I mentioned to him that if he did and was going to hold the baby he would need to thoroughly wash because nicotine on his skin can transfer to the baby. He was respectful on our turf and my son and he had a great bonding experience.

Fast forward 6 months when we flew over to see them. The only two people my son would absolutely not let near him... My smoking father and my husbands smoking stepmom.... I don't think it's a coincidence and I feel like the stench blocked important memory receptors for my son. After a few days of my son screaming when my dad would hold him I asked if he could refrain from smoking when he knew he would be seeing us and again washing thoroughly before holding my son. By the time we left Ds had warmed up to him again but it was sad to see my daddy rejected the first part of our trip.

All I know is... I feel your pain and you have every right to want to protect your child from these toxins... however, we cannot put our babies in a bubble no matter how hard we try.

Best case sinario... Maybe buy some "our house only" clothes and request that said family member not smoke while they stay with you??
IDK, best of luck!

[WVflipflopmama]

I am really sensitive to the smell of smoke on clothes hair etc. You mentioned a smoker staying with you. Is this person smoking in your home? I have a strict no smoking policy for our house and cars. My DH is actually a smoker although he never ever smokes at home on our property. He also changes as soon as he gets home if he had a cig that day and once the baby comes will be washing his hands etc before touching her when he gets home.

Is it possible to find other accommodations for your guest? You can't tell another person not to smoke but you can request that your guest not smoke in your home, vehicle, or around your child. It may be a bit more work but personally I would find myself doing a bit more laundry and cleaning if the smell was too bad while the person stays.

[Musickmama]

I think my problem is that on some level I don't feel I have a right to make any requests of this person as they're not my family but dh's family. Granted everyone's 'our' family but I'm sure you get my point.

I want hubby to make the request and feel it would go over better, but I don't think he's taking my concerns seriously. I don't want to cause a huge family rift either. But neither do I want to have my child bathed in nicotine and smoke ~6-12 days out of every month. Granted its usually more on the low side of that.

If I made a request like you did, it would likely result in this person removing themselves from our lives at least for a time rather than complying. Actually don't ever see them complying. Ugh, the things I never thought I'd dread about having a child! Just stuff I'd never thought about.

[Musickmama]

Originally Posted by WVflipflopmama I am really sensitive to the smell of smoke on clothes hair etc. You mentioned a smoker staying with you. Is this person smoking in your home? I have a strict no smoking policy for our house and cars. My DH is actually a smoker although he never ever smokes at home on our property. He also changes as soon as he gets home if he had a cig that day and once the baby comes will be washing his hands etc before touching her when he gets home. Is it possible to find other accommodations for your guest? You can't tell another person not to smoke but you can request that your guest not smoke in your home, vehicle, or around your child. It may be a bit more work but personally I would find myself doing a bit more laundry and cleaning if the smell was too bad while the person stays.

No absolutely not in the house. I wouldn't allow that even without any children. Thankfully this house doesn't have any screen doors as that was an issue during warm months in our old house. Doesn't matter if you go outside if all the smoke blows right back in!

Staying somewhere else isn't an option. It's either here or not at all.

I think a lot of the issue is doubly compounded by a general lack of cleanliness (personal and clothing wise). So it's just like all of this accumulated smoke all layered up.

[mmbreb]

I would ask a smoker to change shirts and wash hands before holding my baby. I have no issues with this and to me it makes perfect sense. We had this issue and I feel your pain but the conversation with our smoking family members actually went well and even those I thought would be upset were not!

[Musickmama]

I think I'm going to sit down and have a more serious talk with hubby about it. If he still seems resistant to dealing with it himself, I'll just tell him that I'm going to do it myself a bit closer to baby's arrival.

Clean clothes and clean body when near baby? Wash hands and arms before holding baby? I'm all for 100% smoke free clothes when holding baby, but don't know if that's pushing it too far.

I'm very non-confrontational when at all possible. I think this would actually be easier if we were around more smokers and could apply a universal rule. As is I'm afraid he'll see it as him being singled out.

[ajane]

No, you are not overreacting at all. I am severly allergic to smoke and I will not let someone who smokes any where near my children. I get SO irate when I go to walk into a store and it reaks of smoke by the entrance. I proceed directly to the manager and complain. There needs to be a law that you can not smoke within 500yards of a door, whether it be store, restaurant, or what ever it is. I tell my kids to hold their breath and run through as fast as possible, but we are still putting our bodies and clothes through the smoke.

Even if you have them change clothes and wash hands, the smoke is still in their skin.

[Musickmama]

Originally Posted by ajane No, you are not overreacting at all. I am severly allergic to smoke and I will not let someone who smokes any where near my children. I get SO irate when I go to walk into a store and it reaks of smoke by the entrance. I proceed directly to the manager and complain. There needs to be a law that you can not smoke within 500yards of a door, whether it be store, restaurant, or what ever it is. I tell my kids to hold their breath and run through as fast as possible, but we are still putting our bodies and clothes through the smoke. Even if you have them change clothes and wash hands, the smoke is still in their skin.

What would you personally do in this type situation? Just tell them there're not allowed near your children? Or is there some kind of compromise? Of course with you having an actual allergy, it does change the picture quite a bit.

[sisu]

My mom is a smoker, but she is not allowed to smoke when she stays with us. She can -does- chew nicotine gum or suck a lozenge if she needs to, but I wont deal with the stench of cigarettes in my house or on my kids. She tried to sneak one outside once, I sent her home and that was that.

You're just going to have to draw a line with the family member about this. Be direct, be firm, but you don't have to be mean, hopefully.