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Old 02-28-2013, 04:11 AM   #1
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feeling awkward about posting *everything mentioned*

But i need somewhere where someone, anyone knows what i'm going through and can sympathize without telling me crap like "it's god's will" or "maybe it's for the best" or "at least you have 2 beautiful children."
I'm currently 5w3d pg and waiting for my mc to begin. I had a loss last month at 4w3d. I had never experienced a mc before and the first one was hard but this one is devastating. my SO and I had been NTNP for almost a year. As we got close to the point we said we'd start preventing again, we decided to really try. I was blessed to get pg immediately. Since I'd never had a loss before I told everyone. 1 wk later i check my progesterone and hcg. It's not compatible with a viable pregnancy. I started bleeding 2 days later.
I talked to my MW. She gave me prometrium to start at O to help if we tried again. So we did. I immediately got pg again. Started checking hcg and progesterone immediately. It went from 10 to 100 to 200 within 4 days time. We were so excited. It's going to stick. I woke Friday with a bad feeling. Checked hcg and it only went to 391 in 3 days. I knew. Cramping hard through weekend. Found out monday hcg had dropped to 250. So, now i'm waiting. I'm watching my urine tests get lighter and lighter and my heart hurts every time i see it. To add insult to injury, one of my friends announced an oops pregnancy the same day. I am happy for her but i hate her at the same time.
I still feel pregnant. It's like a cruel joke. I'm ready for it to be over. And i hate the people who discredit my feelings by calling it a "chemical pregnancy"and or by saying all the things i said at first of the post. From the minute that second line came up on the hpt, it was "my baby" and i have lost 2 in 2 months.
And i feel so empty. SO doesn't want to try again. It's been hard on him too. But i want to take 2-3 months and work on my health and then try again. I feel like there is another baby missing in our family. I have 2 from my first marriage and he has 1 and i want us to have 1 together to complete our family.
Anyhow. Thank you for letting me let it out. I feel so alone and i just needed to get it out where someone would understand.

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Old 02-28-2013, 04:23 AM   #2
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Re: feeling awkward about posting *everything mentioned*

((((((Hugs)))))))
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Old 02-28-2013, 05:44 AM   #3
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Old 02-28-2013, 05:54 AM   #4
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There is no way to explain...and no mere words will be able to ease your pain. Losing a child is a horrible feeling. I will be praying for your hurting heart.
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Old 02-28-2013, 05:58 AM   #5
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Re: feeling awkward about posting *everything mentioned*

People that's say it is just a chemical pregnancy have clearly not gone through it. Every positive pregnancy test is a little baby inside growing. You deserve to mourn those losses. I am so sorry you are going through this. I pray that it is a relatively easy passing and that you get to have your take home baby soon.
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Old 02-28-2013, 06:28 AM   #6
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You have a right to mourn the Loss of your child.

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Old 02-28-2013, 06:48 AM   #7
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Re: feeling awkward about posting *everything mentioned*

Hugs, hugs and more hugs.

I SOBBED when I started bleeding on the 20th. I cried for 4 days. My heart ached and still does. It wasn't a chemical. It was a baby, my baby. I loved my baby.

I too, am tired of hearing "it wasn't meant to be" or "it will happen when the time is right".

I have nothing but my support to offer you.
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Old 02-28-2013, 07:00 AM   #8
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Re: feeling awkward about posting *everything mentioned*

(((Hugs))) Mama- Those 2 precious little ones will always be your babies, and you will forever be their mama, even though they are not in your arms- you have held them closer and loved them more than anyone else ever could.
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Old 02-28-2013, 07:00 AM   #9
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Re: feeling awkward about posting *everything mentioned*

dp
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Old 02-28-2013, 07:16 AM   #10
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Re: feeling awkward about posting *everything mentioned*

was there with you. I have had several losses and most were early but the last was 10 weeks and you can read my story under losses.
while I knew I was waiting, I felt very sick. which in turn mad me angry. my baby was gone but I had ALL the symptoms for 3 more weeks after knowing he/she was gone.

i needed that to end. cause it was playing with my head... perhaps I AM still pregnant. I took angelica (or dong quai herbs) and it was passed quickly after trying blue and black, pennyroyal and a couple other things. angelica is what got my going and finished. so that sickness did stop shortly after i passed it all.

in all my losses, i had some type of odd bleeding. so it wasnt just a heavy period. and I heard some rude and mean things. its not meant to be is what my head always said. i was longing for the baby, planned or not. I had gotten excited. i envisioned life with them. no one will understand that until they go thru it and thats probably why they say such stupid things.

I am sorry you are hurting. know the pain and sorrow will come in waves. It took me 6 yrs to get over my 1st loss, 15 yrs ago.
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