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Old 03-06-2013, 05:29 AM   #21
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Re: My mom is trying to take over my birthing!

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I get that you don't want to hurt her feelings or dampen her excitement but honestly this is just going to be the first of MANY times where you will have to stand up for your choices/desires/plans/wishes as a parent, so you really should practice now lol. Just let her know that her support is important to you and you want her there but it is going to be your and DHs special time and she needs to respect that. And tell your DH that while he is prepared to support and advocate for you during labor he also has to stand his ground if needed.
Yes this its only going to be more and more of this as time goes one if it doesnt get dealt with now. DH needs to be your support and mom needs to step back a bit. Its important for husbands and wives to cling to each other and to cut the apron strings so to speak. Mom can have some involvement in your life but its no longer her place to make decisions for you. You and your husband get to decide those things now.

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Old 03-06-2013, 12:41 PM   #22
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Re: My mom is trying to take over my birthing!

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I don't see my mom pushing herself on us after baby. She is just so excited for the birth. She is very pro-bonding time and wouldn't try to get in the way of the three of us getting used to being a family. Her biggest problem is wanting to make sure I get the birth I want. (I plan for an all natural hypnobabies birth and a very intervention friendly hospital who told me they will throw my cloth diapers away..) Her intentions are good. She is just pushing DH to the back burner because she is so passionate about enforcing my birth plan.
If the hospital is that bad, maybe you do want her there. Then your husband can focus on you and she can focus on bossing the staff around. Maybe try again to discuss with her your vision for the birth room and what roll you'd like her to play. Tell her very specificly, "I want hubby to be the one to do this, this and this. I'd like him to take charge of this. I want your roll to be to do this and this. Can you do that?" If she's pro bonding and family then she should understand how important your husband's roll is in this. Tell her also that there might be some points that you want it to be only the two of you and that she might have to leave for a bit and is she ok with that. You could us and excuse like nipple or other stimulation to help labour along. Also, giving her jobs to do might help. "Can you time my contractions? Can you go get me a soda. Oh, we forgot such and such at home, can you get it? Can you take some pictures. Can you find and ask the nurse...? Can you read me my affirmations while hubby gives me a massage (or the other way around). Maybe even roleplay or practise some of the affirmations or visualizations from the course with her and hubby and give her her jobs to do.
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Old 03-07-2013, 07:25 PM   #23
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Old 03-07-2013, 10:08 PM   #24
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Re: My mom is trying to take over my birthing!

Remember two things:
1. It's your birth, it's your choice.
2. Feelings might get hurt now, but when baby is here and everyone gets to see and hold and ohh and ahh, it will be forgotten.
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Old 03-07-2013, 11:08 PM   #25
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Re: My mom is trying to take over my birthing!

my mom did not leave my side during my first birth. She was there way more then hubby was way diff then the last three though he was my partner.
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Old 03-09-2013, 03:34 AM   #26
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Re: My mom is trying to take over my birthing!

Honestly my mom is a midwife and I also thought she would be really pushy, but at the same time kind of wanted her there... well she was just there because she had arrived to stay from overseas that morning, so she was in our house and really no other option than her to help us walk up to the hospital in the middle of the night! She was really good, not pushy at all and supportive of whatever we wanted. Labour is so different from what you expect, you probably have nothing to worry about. Just make sure your husband knows your birth plan and tell him to be the one to tell her to take a back seat if she starts being overbearing during labour.
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