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Old 03-04-2013, 08:18 PM   #1
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5 yr old that doesnt handle change well.

DS is 5 1/2 and has never been very outgowing. He is often stressed by changes and unsure of new things. He is in PreK for the first time this year and that has helped him quite a bit. DH and I aren't too social and so our kids aren't over exposed to alot of new people and situations. For instance at church he does just fine going to Sunday School unless they start the class doing something other than the usual (for instance last Sunday they were going to practice singing before class and he started bawling and refused to go). I ended up sitting w/ him a few minutes in class (after the singing) and then left and he was fine.
Is this just a personality thing? He has always been this way so I dont think it is an age issue, but hoping he will outgrow it w/ more experiences in life. Our 2 yr old is not this way at all but, then she sees him doing these things first and since he is the oldest he is usually the first to experience everything.
We have avoided some things (swimming lessons, etc) as I know it will be a huge battle and he will be embarrased. It seems that a slow break into PreK has helped some and I am hoping starting school next year will help even more. We have parent/teacher conferences on Thurs and I am anxious to hear what his teachers think. I do think me being around makes the issue worse and wonder if he doesnt have the adjustment issues at school.
I dont want to baby him through these issues, but want to be supportive. I hate to see him have anxiety about many new situations and I am not sure how to handle them. Most of the time you can tell he really wants to participate but, is scared and that makes me sad. Most of the time we don't let him back out and eventually we can get him to participate (but not always).
Any input to help me help him deal w/ the uncertainty he has would be awesome! Or any good books to suggest?
Thanks for listening to me ramble

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Old 03-04-2013, 08:27 PM   #2
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Re: 5 yr old that doesnt handle change well.

Oh mama! This hit home for me, even had to read it to dh and even my son who was just in the room said that sounds like my David. Same age too!! Don't stress too much about it, kindergarten has been tough and we've been in school since 3 but its slowly getting better. I put him in football this year and we've tried tball. Tball didn't go great but he loved attending football just not so much playing. It's been a long rough road but slowly he's branching out. Just keep trying to encourage him.
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Old 03-04-2013, 08:41 PM   #3
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Re: 5 yr old that doesnt handle change well.

I am glad to hear it isnt just us. It makes me feel worse as it doesnt seem anyone else was having these issues just my DS and all of the other kids are having a carefree time and he is scared and heartbroken as he really does want to join in I believe. We have Kinderg. round up in March and I am dreading it since there will be over 100 kids all new people and he is going to hate it. For one I know I need to work on my mind set and dealing with him since I start stressing about him stressing and even though I try not to show it I know he can sense it.
It is nice to have someone that understands.
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Old 03-04-2013, 08:56 PM   #4
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Re: 5 yr old that doesnt handle change well.

A little like my DS2, more so when he was younger, he was my most clingy child too....break out in tears if I left the house....although my 15 month old does that now even when I put the trash out, lol!


My DS2 is fine in school(1st grade) but is an anxious child if things are done differently, if he isn't 1000% prepared for a special event, if I haven't signed xyz for him. Just very by the rules.

He was the one that I started and stopped in swim lessons as he would just cry the whole time, so I took him out and he started about 4 months later, luckily got a good teacher who took good care of him then was fine. Won't do scary rides, I had to hold him the other day while viewing a home(looking to buy) as he had a bad cat experience in another....he's 7 and I had to carry him! DH carried him through the bat cave today at the zoo....although that is a bit freaky as they are loose, not caged in, but they don't come near you.


So my strategy is to help him become less stressed about simple things. My nephew is also a VERY stressful child, always has been and is currently being investigated for either crohns or ulceritive colitis or similar. I have my suspicions that this is partly due to his stressful nature so I'm very focused on helping DS2 not be so concerned about everyday things.
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Old 03-04-2013, 08:57 PM   #5
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Re: 5 yr old that doesnt handle change well.

Good thing about school is they are very routine oriented......so that means your son will be happy with that and do well........
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Old 03-05-2013, 10:30 AM   #6
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Re: 5 yr old that doesnt handle change well.

What works for us, is I prepare David in advance, when we drive by the school I slow way down and ask him what that is and we talk about him going. Everytime we saw a bus we talk about him getting to ride it, and for round up we discussed for over. Week that its just a visit to the school. Some schools, including ours will let you bring them at an alternative date and time if you have an overly anxious kiddo too but it's not advertised. I simply made one kiddos dr visit that day outta town and told them we wouldn't make t, so they let us come meet teachers early and such. We talked about eating in the cafeteria and the playground ther gym stuff like that. It really does help.
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Old 03-05-2013, 11:40 AM   #7
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Re: 5 yr old that doesnt handle change well.

I've got one just like that, too. Since she started full day preK, it's gotten better. At her last PT conference, her teacher said she's come out of her shell time a million in the 4 months since the last PT conference. She's big into routine, big into the "preview" of the day or the moment, and sometimes we just have to handhold while she decides if something is "safe" or not.

I don't have a lot of other advice.....we keep things really routine at home, to the point of not going anywhere on weekdays. Weekends are always horrible because it's a break from the routine. It's hard. She's gotten better, but it's still a challenge. I should try harder to make weekends more routine, but it's almost impossible because we play so much catchup on weekends.
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Old 03-05-2013, 11:46 AM   #8
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Re: 5 yr old that doesnt handle change well.

I'm the same way. I always hated when the teacher would change our desks without us there. I'd walk in on a Monday morning, and the room had been rearranged. It was always a stressful day. But, I kept it to myself, and dealt with it. I preferred to move my own desk and know what to expect.

It does get better with practice.

But, it still bugs me when someone changes the format of an internet place I go to, or facebook or anything. I leave my furniture in the same place all the time.
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Old 03-05-2013, 11:57 AM   #9
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Re: 5 yr old that doesnt handle change well.

Wow as much as I dont like to see your LOs with the same issues it makes me feel a ton better knowing it isnt just Boston. We are very scheduled here also but, DD2 isnt intimidated by anything and is always begging to do things that he does. I have been trying to explain things ahead of time to him (for instance we have been driving by the Kinderg. that he will be going to and talking about it and how there will be all new kids there but he may see a friend or two from PreK). I am anxious to hear how he is at school but, yes it being pretty routine he is probably ok. I wish we were in a small school so it wouldnt be such a big change for him and all of his classmates would be the same.
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Old 03-05-2013, 12:00 PM   #10
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Re: 5 yr old that doesnt handle change well.

Quote:
Originally Posted by escapethevillage View Post
I'm the same way. I always hated when the teacher would change our desks without us there. I'd walk in on a Monday morning, and the room had been rearranged. It was always a stressful day. But, I kept it to myself, and dealt with it. I preferred to move my own desk and know what to expect.

It does get better with practice.

But, it still bugs me when someone changes the format of an internet place I go to, or facebook or anything. I leave my furniture in the same place all the time.
I just realized after reading your post that I am VERY similar to him w/ these issues. I am super nervous meeting new people and get anxious when going to get togethers unless I know who will be there and have been there before. The only difference is I dont refuse to go and start bawling. Wow I may have just learned a bunch about myself and him. DH is similar w/ new places too. I never really looked at my issues. Yikes.
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