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Old 03-14-2013, 11:13 AM   #1
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Starting to research adoption and have a few questions

So we are currently expecting our 4th BOY!! I have always wanted a daughter so we had already decided that if #4 was a boy we would choose to adopt a little girl for our 5th.

We are about 2 ish years from being ready to bring her home, but we dont know where to start. Here is what we think we would like, please share your opinion on any/all of it as we are so new to adoption.

1. local or stateside adoption, no international
2. Closed adoption, she will be ours not her biological parents ( opinions on this are great please)
3. A INFANT, girl obviously
4. affordable, under $8000 if possible.
5. Healthy, this may be cruel to some of you, but we dont want to adopt a baby with any health conditions, physically or mentally.

Where do we go to start, should we get on a waiting list now?
Any other input you have would be greatly appreciated!

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Old 03-14-2013, 01:01 PM   #2
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Re: Starting to research adoption and have a few questions

You have very high expectations! A perfect healthy infant girl with a closed adoption and under $8000 is a tough order to fill.

1. local or stateside adoption, no international -- Your options are private or agency infant adoption, or foster/adopt through your county or state programs.

2. Closed adoption, she will be ours not her biological parents ( opinions on this are great please) -- Most agencies are pushing open adoptions, but there are plenty of people that still have closed adoptions. It's definately not impossible. I will mention, however, that we have two open adoptions (healthy, caucasian, girls, adopted as infants) and neither child belongs to her bio parents. I think this is an area that you will want to do some reading on. Being open to "openess" is usually a process for families new to the process. Completely closed adoptions are rare. Maybe you want to consider something along the lines of semi-open where you get some health info, maybe exchange letters, but identifying information is not shared.

3. A INFANT, girl obviously -- Your wait could be longer by specifying gender.

4. affordable, under $8000 if possible. -- Average domestic infant adoptions (non-foster care) are $20-30k. There are a handful of agencies that are funded through other avenues that are able to offer adoptions in the range you are looking for, but they aren't common. Both of our adoptions were $15,000-ish and it's hard to do it for less.

5. Healthy, this may be cruel to some of you, but we dont want to adopt a baby with any health conditions, physically or mentally. -- There is no guarentee that any child that presents as healthy will actually be free of any health conditions. Just like with your bio kids, you never really know what you are going to get. Both of our kids were non-special needs at birth. One has some very expensive and time consuming health issues, but we'll keep her.
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Old 03-14-2013, 01:47 PM   #3
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I have to agree with Beth on all points. I'd say your best bet might be finding someone through word of mouth and doing an identified adoption, as they can be less expensive. But if you go that route, it's often a friend of a friend or a distant relative, so that won't fit your closed adoption ideal. Definitely do some research regarding closed vs open. And remember, information can be unintentionally shared during all the paperwork, so identities are not always as protected as some believe. Modern domestic adoptions rely heavily on expectant moms choosing a family for their child, so it's difficult to plan a timeline. It could take 10 weeks or 10 years to find a match. Be prepared for some agencies to turn you away, as you will have 4 children. Some are happy to work with families of all sizes, while others have a set limit. Also, not all EMs choose to find out the sex of the baby prior to birth, so limiting your preferences can significantly decrease your chances of being matched.
I'd recommend attending an information session with a local agency or grabbing some adoption books at the library now so you can learn more. And feel free to ask questions here as you go. Info from those who've BTDT helped me the most!
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Old 03-14-2013, 01:50 PM   #4
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Re: Starting to research adoption and have a few questions

Catholic Charities is really the only one that might fit all of those, except they told me that it is very unlikely to get chosen if you already have kids. Most of the subsidized cost adoption agencies place into childless homes.
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Old 03-14-2013, 02:26 PM   #5
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Re: Starting to research adoption and have a few questions

Quote:
Originally Posted by jengojengo View Post
Catholic Charities is really the only one that might fit all of those, except they told me that it is very unlikely to get chosen if you already have kids. Most of the subsidized cost adoption agencies place into childless homes.
The CC organizations in my state require confirmation of infertility by a medical doctor and max one kiddo in the home.

I don't know that the Bethany and LSS organizations have the same requirements and it probably varies by state. If you're LDS, I believe they have a max kid limit too.

I think there's a WA adoptive mom here that did a private adoption. Hopefully she stops by with some advice for you.

IIRC, WA has really high limits on bmom expenses, so that puts $8k only possible with a mom that doesn't need any of her medical or living expenses covered by the adoptive family.
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Old 03-14-2013, 03:57 PM   #6
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Domestic infant adoption does not guarantee you a healthy baby (neither does a pregnancy! ) and many still experience the same exposure problems that foster adopt kiddos have. On the other hand plenty of foster kiddos experience no complications of exposure our no actual exposure. Adoptions through foster care are nearly always closed versus domestic infant which are nearly always open, but you might want to dig in a little deeper to what those terms mean. I used to be afraid of an open adoption but now, as a foster/adopt mama I see that there is a lot for every one involved to gain from an open adoption.
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Old 03-14-2013, 04:22 PM   #7
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Also if you will be ready in 2 years get started now. Lol
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Old 03-14-2013, 04:44 PM   #8
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Re: Starting to research adoption and have a few questions

Thank you everyone for all your responses. I have been doing a lot of research today and this has helped me tons!! As of now we are leaning towards foster to adopt through the state, as there are SO many children who need homes I understand all you are saying about a healthy baby and after my research today I realize that there are many small things that can be going on with a child that are not a big deal to have to deal with. Thanks again you guys!! I will be in and out of here lots I am sure until we get to bring one or two kiddos home
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Old 03-14-2013, 07:06 PM   #9
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Keep us updated! And congrats on your pregnancy too!
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Old 03-14-2013, 10:50 PM   #10
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Re: Starting to research adoption and have a few questions

I will, I actually found out today that because my DH will be away at school for a year, outside of the home. We have to wait until he returns. In this state, they wont allow placement into a home with just one parent if there are already 4 children in the house, which there will be. So for a year this is on the back burner, but I know where to start now thanks to you ladies and I will be hovering in this forum all year until we get back into it.
Thanks again!
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