I just need to commeserate... (Weaning toddler)

[mrseum]

I waited too long. Ds2 will be two in April. He is SO so SO mad at me.. I'm trying to get him off of me at night. I have been doner than done!!! Isk what I can do!!
For two weeks I moved DS1 in with DH (boys & I co sleep) so ds2 would not wake him up. Well, DS1 kept waking up & yelling @ DH (You- GET OUT! My mom is supposed to be there!) & he wouldn't calm down until DH left & I went in. So then I had to go back & forth between him & the nursling while DH slept on the freaking couch. Yeah- not working.
So DS1 is back w/DS2 & me. Well- I have very little milk but now ds2 insists on using me as a pacifier and I am crawling out of my doggon skin & cannot sleep because he won't get off!!! I just cry. He'll scream if I offer cup/paci and I cannot have him waking ds1. Sometime I can walk him to sleep. Half the time when I put him down he screams again.. Or just wakes again in 10 mins- just when im starting to fall asleep again... And I cannot do it all night every 10 mins because he's 34 lbs of deadweight. If I do not carry him or nurse him- he'll wake up. For the freaking night. I am exhausted & getting a cold. If I have another hold I will most likely not nurse because my sanity is out the friggen window. He's a hot mess during the day (I get it, teething & turning two is hard work... But fussing all day on top of all night is killing everyone!)
DH Can NOT help right now- he must finish his Thesis by May.
What do I do?? Put him in be & let him CIO to begin with so that he knows I won't nurse him to sleep?? Just let him stay up all night until he'll fall asleep out of exhaustion without nursing & hope he regulates to a natural night time schedual again?? Omg.... I've just had it....I'm mentally & physically exhausted because of this. I just want to run away... Haha!

[tibeca]

Perhaps you need to reassess why you feel you need to wean. Write it out. Write out the pros and cons. Decide whether it is worth it. If you feel you must wean (regardless of reason) you are going to need to meet your baby's needs in other ways. He is clearly not ready, otherwise you wouldn't be struggling so badly. He will of course learn to sleep eventually. There will likely be crying. But offering other comfort should be your priority.

Have you considered the Jay Gordon Night Weaning method? It might be more gentle.

[tibeca]

Perhaps you need to reassess why you feel you need to wean. Write it out. Write out the pros and cons. Decide whether it is worth it. If you feel you must wean (regardless of reason) you are going to need to meet your baby's needs in other ways. He is clearly not ready, otherwise you wouldn't be struggling so badly. He will of course learn to sleep eventually. There will likely be crying. But offering other comfort should be your priority.

Have you considered the Jay Gordon Night Weaning method? It might be more gentle.

[Helloloni]

I just borrowed "the sleep easy solution" from the library abs there are a lot of tips to help toddlers sleep through the night. And they aren't proponents of crying it out either so maybe take a look?

[mrseum]

Originally Posted by tibeca Perhaps you need to reassess why you feel you need to wean. Write it out. Write out the pros and cons. Decide whether it is worth it. If you feel you must wean (regardless of reason) you are going to need to meet your baby's needs in other ways. He is clearly not ready, otherwise you wouldn't be struggling so badly. He will of course learn to sleep eventually. There will likely be crying. But offering other comfort should be your priority. Have you considered the Jay Gordon Night Weaning method? It might be more gentle.

The reason is my own health. Obviously he is not ready but for him it is more about comfort. I have decided I will nurse him once before bed, possibly once in the middle if I feel he is just inconsolable or I'm uncomfortable, and again in the am when he wakes for the day. Otherwise the plan is to walk/bounce until my arms fail. he's getting extra hugs & snuggles & I still carry him quite a bit throughout the day- so he's definitely not suffering lack of physical contact.

[mrseum]

Ladies- even though I say CIO- I wouldn't. My heart has never allowed me to. I think I tried 20 mins with each & gave in". They obviously need me to fall asleep & I would meet that need- which is why I've been cosleep ing with them & unfortunately away from my hubby.

[VeganCupcake]

Nightweaning is no picnic, but I do think it's worth it once it's done. To nightwean my two, I chose certain hours that I would not nurse at night, and then stayed in the room or in the bed (in the case of my DD, who was cosleeping) with them and they screamed at me, threw a sippy cup at my head , tossed and turned, asked for milkies, etc. I patted, sang, shushed, snuggled, offered water, and other kinds of comfort during the no-nursing times. It was rough. But I found that if I gave in once and forgot what my plan was, or didn't pay attention to what time it was, it took so much longer.

With my DD, I was very inconsistent and nightweaning took 5.5 months. With my DS, I was more consistent, plus he is a more relaxed little guy, and it took a few weeks--but some nights were ok, some were great, and a few were terrible. But in both cases, nightweaning saved my sanity and my nursing relationships and was 100% worth the difficulty.

Is there somewhere else you could temporarily put DS1 so that he won't wake up, either because DS2 is screaming, or because your DH is there instead of you? Is there a chance that DS1 would be more accepting of your DH cosleeping with him since it's happened (though not very successfully) once or twice before?

[VeganCupcake]

Oh, and I found that after a while I could doze with a child screaming at me, especially if I had earplugs in. It is not CIO if you are present, offering comfort to the child. It may not be the comfort the child wants, but it is comfort.

[bigfunbums]

Sorry mama. My oldest is 6 and that is long behind us but your post brought back the memories of utter and total exhaustion and the feelings of guilt and all of it. Nursing didn't end for us until she turned 3. We moved to a new house at about 2 and a half and I got her a beautiful daybed in her own room and read her a story and then turned on her fishtank for a nightlight and played a Lori lite cd and sometimes she would come right into me when the cd story was over and sometimes she would fall asleep and not come in to nurse until a few hours later. It took well over a year before that bed was used for more than 2 hrs a night average But it bought me at least a half hour of having the bed to myself and restored my sanity.

[Arabesque]

Weaning DD was really hard, and the only thing TGIF worked was having DH on board. Did it suck for him? You bet. I started weaning her a few months ago, and it's only been recently that I've been able to put her to bed or comfort her in the night without her screaming for me to BF her.

I know you said that your DH can't help right now, but I really think he needs to. You can't take care of two needy children day and night without help. It won't be long before you start breaking down at this rate.