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Old 03-27-2013, 12:55 PM   #41
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Re: 5 year old seems interested in Boys?

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I must be in the minority here! I really think kissing at school is wildly inappropriate! Im not a modest or religious person AT ALL either...it just really rubs me the wrong way! That should ve the last thing on a kids radar for like the next 10 years. Although what jams mum said about seeing it at home makes sense. Dh and I are affectionate at home, hold hands and hug and kiss...but we dont do more than holds hands while in public (more to do with wrangling children than anything lol) and I would still hope that she knows the difference between mommy/daddy behaviour and preschooler behaviour.
Unless you sit your kids down and tell them, X behavior is only for mommy/daddy/adults then they don't tend to get it and will attempt to emulate in their own little world. If they are also exposed to stories and movies that involve romance and kissing (even Bambi has it!), then it only seems a natural extension. We as parents do need to be explicit about what we see as acceptable behavior. Hugging and kissing your brother is fine and dandy, but kissing a boy at school you are good friends with isn't.

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Old 03-27-2013, 02:24 PM   #42
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Re: 5 year old seems interested in Boys?

While I wouldn't be okay with 5.5 yo DS kissing a girl right now, I do know that he and the girl next door (4) have decided that they are going to get married. They don't do anything inappropriate, but they play together at the park etc.
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Old 03-27-2013, 02:46 PM   #43
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While I think the interest/crush is normal for some kids, I would be concerned about the physical contact. I would address that with DD and do my best to nip it in the bud, without making too big a deal of it. Just a simple conversation that it's ok to like a boy and be friends with them, but kissing and physical affection are not appropriate.
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Old 03-27-2013, 04:10 PM   #44
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Re: 5 year old seems interested in Boys?

My 5 year old has a 'boyfriend', LOL. Yesterday he made her a paper plane as a gift :-) It's so innocent at this age. Oh she has a few boyfriends in her class. They're her boys who are friends. She has kissed them all. Obviously we are not encouraging that behaviour, and the teacher has talked to them all about it. But I just see it as pretty normal for this age.

ETA: When we talk to her about kissing etc we make it about 'personal space' and that it is ok to hug your family but you wouldn't hug a stranger, you don't go stand with your face in people's faces etc because it makes them feel uncomfortable. In the same way you keep your kisses to yourself and your hands to yourself.
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Old 03-27-2013, 04:30 PM   #45
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Re: 5 year old seems interested in Boys?

My 7 year old son has crushes on girls all of the time. He has always preferred playing with girls, probably because he prefers "girl things" like my little pony, hello kitty, dolls, the color pink ect. So when we would go to the skating rink he would go play with mostly little girls (skating together, playing hide and seek, helping them learn to skate). He has some close friends of both genders, and they are all very huggy, he is just a very loving child and likes to give hugs, I can't imagine telling him not to hug his friends unless they didn't like it. Just in the last year or so we have noticed some of his interest in girls turning more into real interest vs just friends. It is still very innocent and may just be intense admiration as the girls he has "crushes" on are girls that are very good at things he loves to do. He has a crush on a little girl who is slightly older than him (I think she is 9) who is an amazing artistic roller skater. I think some of it is admiration because he will say to me "she skates so well." He has also developed a bit of a crush on one of his derby "team mate's" girl friend. He will go up to her whenever he sees her and say "I like you" in a really sweet voice. Then she says "aww I like you too." The guys all laugh about it and tease her boyfriend about it. Again she is a phenomenal skater (derby girl) and she is in a relationship with a person he really looks up to. Then there are plenty of other girls he is with all of the time, hugs all over and hangs out with but doesn't have crushes on. I think for kids this age "crush" can mean a particularly good friend or a person that they think highly of more than what we think of as adults or even what a teen means when they say crush. That is just my take on it.
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Old 03-27-2013, 04:55 PM   #46
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Re: 5 year old seems interested in Boys?

I don't think having little crushes is a problem, but if she was leaning/hugging a little boy and it made him uncomfortable I think that is something to be talked about. If a boy was leaning and hugging her and making HER uncomfortable, you probably wouldn't be happy, I'd assume. It's not a big deal, but I do think that boundaries need to be discussed.
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Old 03-27-2013, 05:32 PM   #47
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Re: 5 year old seems interested in Boys?

It is normal, my boys had "girlfriends" in kindergarten, my ds2 hs moved onto a new "girlfriend" this year, he an one girl in his class last year in pre-k used to hold hands and play together. The teachers would tell me it was cute to watch them. This year they are in different classes and he likes a new girl in his class, none of this bothers me. It is a faze they go through I think, my older ds liked the same girl from kindergarten and now is in 4th grade. They are pretty funny to see, but they do not hold hands or anything, they chase each other with groups of classmates.
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Old 03-27-2013, 07:01 PM   #48
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Re: 5 year old seems interested in Boys?

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Originally Posted by mcpforever View Post
Unless you sit your kids down and tell them, X behavior is only for mommy/daddy/adults then they don't tend to get it and will attempt to emulate in their own little world. If they are also exposed to stories and movies that involve romance and kissing (even Bambi has it!), then it only seems a natural extension. We as parents do need to be explicit about what we see as acceptable behavior. Hugging and kissing your brother is fine and dandy, but kissing a boy at school you are good friends with isn't.
I think it's given that children are going to identify with their parents, and with the characters in their story books (which is why it's important to give them variety in their fiction so they learn that the world isn't limited to princess/hero/evil stepmother/villain). Almost in the way that baby animlas imprint on their caregivers. Everyone I know played some version of mummies and daddies, some version of Superman/Rapunzel/Sleeping Beauty/Jack and the Beanstalk.

I agree that explicit conversations are necessary, but I also think that at this point in their developmental psychological stage, it's difficult for them to differentiate between themselves and the people, real and imaginary, in their world. So while I think it's important to impress upon them that grown ups do things that little children can't and shouldn't do, I wouldn't expect them to understand *why* not - because at this point, there is no meaningful psychological distance between them and you.
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