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Old 04-01-2013, 04:00 PM   #1
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Best way to tell family you want time with baby first? update page 5

Honestly, I know this seems super easy but people with sensitive/emotional family can hopefully relate.

DS was an emergency c section. I have a ton of family in the area and DHs mom as well. My mom literally is 5 mins from the hospital, an aunt, brother and dad 10 mins. DHs mom 15 mins.

They were IN the room before we got back after the OR!!!

My mom ha already "announced" that she plans to stay with DS and family in the waiting room through labor and delivery. I really don't want this but whatever I guess....

What I don't want is everyone flooding the room when DS2 is born. I am all for visitors but we need time to establish BFing (major difficulties with DS1), figure out a name (ahhh) and we want DH to bring DS1 in and meet baby alone. Not with gma there taking over and snapping pics, etc.

My family is pretty emotional and takes things badly. I know my mom will be pissed and take it personally. How do I approach this??

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Old 04-01-2013, 04:06 PM   #2
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Re: Best way to tell family you want time with baby first?

I'd say with an emotionally-charged family and having already had the first experience, I would just tell them straight out, matter-of-fact. Don't ask, just tell them.

"When the baby is born, we're going to need that first hour just me, DH, and DS1. I need to establish breastfeeding, we'd like some alone time for siblings to meet, and we will be finalizing the name. DH will go out to the waiting area to get you after an hour."
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Old 04-01-2013, 04:11 PM   #3
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Re: Best way to tell family you want time with baby first?

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I'd say with an emotionally-charged family and having already had the first experience, I would just tell them straight out, matter-of-fact. Don't ask, just tell them.

"When the baby is born, we're going to need that first hour just me, DH, and DS1. I need to establish breastfeeding, we'd like some alone time for siblings to meet, and we will be finalizing the name. DH will go out to the waiting area to get you after an hour."
Me too. Emotional or not, its your child's birth and they need to respect your wishes.
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Old 04-01-2013, 04:41 PM   #4
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If you DON'T tell them that you're headed to the hospital until you've already had baby and are ready for visitors, that solves the whole "waiting in the waiting room" problem. They'll probably be upset, but they'll get over it quickly when they get to see that new baby. :-)

You can also always say that bc of the flu outbreaks this year the hospital is limiting L&D visitors to one per mom. So DH is there but no one else can visit until after baby and you are settled in the postpartum area and have been fed and washed.
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Old 04-01-2013, 04:46 PM   #5
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Re: Best way to tell family you want time with baby first?

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Me too. Emotional or not, its your child's birth and they need to respect your wishes.
This! You can also just not tell them when you go to the hospital, this will work better if you're having a VBAC, but even with a c-section, just don't tell them the date.
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Old 04-01-2013, 04:48 PM   #6
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Re: Best way to tell family you want time with baby first?

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Originally Posted by jen_batten View Post
Me too. Emotional or not, its your child's birth and they need to respect your wishes.
Yup. I agree.

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If you DON'T tell them that you're headed to the hospital until you've already had baby and are ready for visitors, that solves the whole "waiting in the waiting room" problem. They'll probably be upset, but they'll get over it quickly when they get to see that new baby. :-)
Won't work in this case - I'm pretty sure Grandma is DS1's baby-sitter for labor, kwim?


If you really can't tell them yourself, just let them say whatever they want and then talk to the nurses at the hospital when you get there. Let them know that after birth you don't want everyone in the room, have DH go out and get DS1 to bring him in, have him tell everyone that he'll come back for them when you are ready. But he can also blame it on the staff/nurse/Dr - "they only want just us with the baby for a little bit", or "they're just doing all the checking over and everything".
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Old 04-01-2013, 04:50 PM   #7
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Originally Posted by BeccaSueCongdon View Post
If you DON'T tell them that you're headed to the hospital until you've already had baby and are ready for visitors, that solves the whole "waiting in the waiting room" problem. They'll probably be upset, but they'll get over it quickly when they get to see that new baby. :-)

You can also always say that bc of the flu outbreaks this year the hospital is limiting L&D visitors to one per mom. So DH is there but no one else can visit until after baby and you are settled in the postpartum area and have been fed and washed.
This 10000%!!!!

Had everyone and their brother there for #1 and it was awful!! Did a birth center with #2. My mom knew I was going in to have her....bc she stayed at home with dd. I was back home about 6hrs later and then we started telling people. Muuuuuuch better and more calm. Fight for it mama.....if you dont, you wont get it. Hugs.
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Old 04-01-2013, 04:52 PM   #8
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Quote:
Originally Posted by BeccaSueCongdon
If you DON'T tell them that you're headed to the hospital until you've already had baby and are ready for visitors, that solves the whole "waiting in the waiting room" problem. They'll probably be upset, but they'll get over it quickly when they get to see that new baby. :-)

You can also always say that bc of the flu outbreaks this year the hospital is limiting L&D visitors to one per mom. So DH is there but no one else can visit until after baby and you are settled in the postpartum area and have been fed and washed.
This is not an option, my mom will be DSs caregiver while we are there so she will know as soon as I'm in labor.

I did not think of using the nurses as an excuse (the "they are still monitoring things" line...that may work!)
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Old 04-01-2013, 04:59 PM   #9
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Re: Best way to tell family you want time with baby first?

Yeah I would just say as respectfully as possible that you need space after the baby is born. I had to tell my mil that she wasn't allowed during pushing and she flipped out, made it all about her, etc. she got over it and your fam will too. Don't worry mama!
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Old 04-01-2013, 05:01 PM   #10
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If you really can't tell them yourself, just let them say whatever they want and then talk to the nurses at the hospital when you get there. Let them know that after birth you don't want everyone in the room, have DH go out and get DS1 to bring him in, have him tell everyone that he'll come back for them when you are ready. But he can also blame it on the staff/nurse/Dr - "they only want just us with the baby for a little bit", or "they're just doing all the checking over and everything".
This was my thought. Tell the nurses you don't want to see anyone until you're ready and that DH will go get them.

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