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Old 04-05-2013, 09:18 PM   #1
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Sticky paternity issue

I have a friend who is currently pregnant and in need of some advice about how to proceed, so I thought I'd see if anyone here could point her in the right direction.

She used to date the father, but not for about 2 years now. In fact, he basically started stalking her after they broke up and she got an order of protection against him. Anyway, despite this order they ended up meeting a few times to talk about the situation and one thing led to another and she ended up pregnant. The order stands until September, which coincidentally is also when she is due.

She does not want him to be involved in any way with the child and he says that he does not want to be involved. She is worried, though, that he will come back later and try to get paternal rights. Is there anything legally that can be done for him to sign away his rights? I've heard that they don't like to do this unless an adoption is involved. Is there anything else she can do besides not put his name on the birth certificate and hope he never petitions for rights? This is in NY state, fyi.

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Old 04-05-2013, 09:26 PM   #2
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Re: Sticky paternity issue

I don't know if there is a difference between signing all rights away so he's not obligated to pay and signing but still having to pay??? I do know that most states want the dad to still have to pay for the child. If she doesn't file for any state assistance though they shouldn't get involved.

Most importantly she needs to have NO contact with him. She needs to be able to clearly demonstrate that he has no interest in the child. She should start writing down when she did tell him that she was pregnant and his reaction. If anyone else can verify that I would have them write it now too. Then every month or so she needs to commit to writing notes about everything she has done and how the father was not involved. So if he does decide he wants rights in 3 years she will have a lot of info to back her up. She should also write up as much of the abuse issues she can remember.

if she were to remarry and her new husband adopt her child then it wouldn't be an issue anymore.
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Old 04-08-2013, 09:31 AM   #3
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Re: Sticky paternity issue

In NC I dont believe that a father is ALLOWED to be on the birth certificate without him there to consent if the two are not married. They still will go after him for child support though unless he is dumb enough to ask for a paternity test that would prove it. If she can go without the support at that point I would petition that his rights be terminated then voila! He doesn't have to pay child support and anyone she ends up with is free to adopt the baby.
I wish her the best. Guy sounds like a serious toolface.
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Old 04-17-2013, 07:38 AM   #4
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Re: Sticky paternity issue

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Originally Posted by Suzi View Post
if she were to remarry and her new husband adopt her child then it wouldn't be an issue anymore.
But a new husband could never adopt unless the bio father's parental rights have already been terminated. Even if bio dad is not listed on the birth certificate and paternity had never been established.

And yes, bio dad could, at any point, even if he is not on the birth certificate, come back with a court order to determine his paternity and demand partial custody. If your friend refused, she would be looking at kidnapping charges

She needs to speak with an attorney NOW and get bio dad to voluntarily relinquish his parental rights. She is looking at a huge legal mess down the road if she doesn't deal with this now.
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Old 04-17-2013, 07:41 AM   #5
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Re: Sticky paternity issue

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Originally Posted by musicmom2x View Post
In NC I dont believe that a father is ALLOWED to be on the birth certificate without him there to consent if the two are not married. They still will go after him for child support though unless he is dumb enough to ask for a paternity test that would prove it. If she can go without the support at that point I would petition that his rights be terminated then voila! He doesn't have to pay child support and anyone she ends up with is free to adopt the baby.
I wish her the best. Guy sounds like a serious toolface.
Actually, the mother can list anyone she wants as the father unless she is married (in which case the husband MUST be listed as the father even if he isn't). An unmarried woman can list King Tut as the father on the birth certificate, if she wants.

Last edited by Melinda29; 04-17-2013 at 07:44 AM.
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Old 04-17-2013, 08:45 AM   #6
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Re: Sticky paternity issue

A friend of mine was in a similar situation. Her lawyer did some legal magic and it turns out that my friend's father ( baby's maternal grandfather) could adopt the baby, thus terminating the paternal rights, but without terminating the maternal rights.

It may only be legal in crazy-pants utah, but it's worth looking in to.
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Old 07-14-2013, 03:27 PM   #7
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Re: Sticky paternity issue

My BF had to sign a ton of paperwork in order to be on the Birth certificate but this is in Alabama. He claimed biological father. We can't just write in whoever the heck we want! LOL
I would DEFINITELY be looking into finding an attorney and trying to have him terminate his parental rights. otherwise you could end up in a pickle in a few years.
I'm still worried about Aubri's bio dad coming in and trying but he hasn't spoken to me since I told him I was pregnant.
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Old 07-14-2013, 03:30 PM   #8
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Re: Sticky paternity issue

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Originally Posted by NotLad View Post
A friend of mine was in a similar situation. Her lawyer did some legal magic and it turns out that my friend's father ( baby's maternal grandfather) could adopt the baby, thus terminating the paternal rights, but without terminating the maternal rights.

It may only be legal in crazy-pants utah, but it's worth looking in to.


sooooooooo this kid's grandfather is also he dad..?? whaaattt weird. my mom was adopted by her uncle (he was gay so pretty much the most amazing thing ever in the 70s) it's confusing when i talk about our family.

"Yeah my grandfather's life partner... well he's not really my grandfather.. he's my uncle... it's complicated!"
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