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Old 04-12-2013, 05:58 PM   #11
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Originally Posted by cbreeding
Most that use this phrase (that I know in real life), refer to the roughhousing (as in rough physical contact) between boys similar in age but that they themselves (the parent) choose not to police/interfere/correct because "boys will be boys." If two little girls were to act the same way, the parents would be right on top of things, correcting and disciplining.

Even though I have a boy, not a fan of the phrase. I think it's looking the otherway at undesirable behavior just because they are boys.
This is what I think. Too many people use the phrase to excuse unacceptable behavior they are unwilling to correct. I do find differences between my son and my daughters. My son gets into twice the trouble that either of my girls did, and they were not angels. I think "boys will be boys" can be used when they manage to turn anything into a gun and somehow instinctively know how to make car sounds.


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Old 04-12-2013, 06:10 PM   #12
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Re: S/O boys will be boys

I hate the phrase. It is nearly always used to excuse inappropriate behavior.
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Old 04-12-2013, 06:27 PM   #13
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Re: S/O boys will be boys

Honestly I haven't heard people say that much.....

I have 4 boys. I think it's a natural testosterone thing also that they are more physical than girls I know. There are always tons of exceptions....girls who play rougher, boys who are gentle.

I know from an early age, probably 10 months, 3 of my 4 had the boy thing down with vrooming of the toy cars, wacking toy hammers etc.

I came from a family of just girls though, so I don't really tolerate a ton of roughness with my boys. I know the (previous) neighbor boys would wrestle on the ground while waiting for the school bus????Dad just standing there looking, saying how they are boys?? I seriously would not let my kids do that, esp right before the bus comes....spending all day in school dirty maybe wet. They are very "boys will be boys" oriented....always and excuse for roughness. I don't really tolerate hitting, no sticks(seriously someone ALWAYS get's hurt with a stick). We hide the light saber after a day or so!

I do think it's equally "girls will be girls" though with that excuse given for girls being particular or scared of stuff.
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Old 04-12-2013, 08:10 PM   #14
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Re: S/O boys will be boys

This is so interesting to me.
I have a 5 y/o girl and a 2 y/o boy. DD is very much a girly girl, and DS is very much a boy. It amazes me how he's drawn to "boy" things. No one pushed cars and trucks on him. With so many princess things and dolls around, he could have gravitated to things like that.
Although, his "boyness" isn't (and shouldn't be) an excuse for naughty behavior IMO.
on a funny note, he's a slow talker and just started putting 2 words together. He started to say dump truck lately. but it comes out sounding more like "dumb f-word" and he says it over and over again
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Old 04-12-2013, 08:31 PM   #15
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Re: S/O boys will be boys

They have a different energy than my daughter. Not bad just different. We have the exact same expectations for them. I find not a single thing wrong with a child (boy or girl) being loud, dirty, energetic and physical in a safe environment at the appropriate times. You want to act like a wild animal in the backyard with a stick and some dirt then go to town. They will however keep their hands and feet to themselves, no rude talk and be kind. I'm lucky to have had so many men of high character in my life and not a single one of them let that type of thing slide. My daughter by the way is way more crazy than my oldest was at this age.
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Old 04-13-2013, 06:43 AM   #16
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Re: S/O boys will be boys

Boys (and girls) need an outlet for all their energy. But boys are very capable of learning when it is and isn't appropriate. I habe 2 girls and a boy. My girls enjoy rough housing to a degree (dd2 more than dd1) but ds needs time to run and ideally rough house with dh. He has a tendoncy to get naughty if he doesn't get his time to get the energy out. If dh rough houses with him he really gets that energy out. But I wouldn't tolerate that kind of rough housing with many other people. And he knows not to push his sisters around unless it is part of game they've agreed to play and even then I sometimes stop the game because they don't need to be getting so rough with each other. Same goes for when he starts makng friends - especially boys.
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Old 04-13-2013, 08:26 AM   #17
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Re: S/O boys will be boys

Originally Posted by Joyful Tie Dyes View Post
I hate the phrase. It is nearly always used to excuse inappropriate behavior.
Exactly. And while it might be cute to say when a boy is four and dirtying his good clothes by playing in the mud the mentality is not cute 15 years later when the same boy is caught doing things that are both socially and morally unacceptable.

There is a way to let boys have fun (including getting dirty and rough housing) in a way that does not teach them that they automatically get a free pass just because they are boys and nothing more is expected of them.
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Old 04-13-2013, 12:51 PM   #18
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Re: S/O boys will be boys

I think boys in general do have biological differences that come from nature and they are a little more active and geared towards different things but I don't think that excuses bad behavior. The expectations are the same for all my kids. I think behavior comes from a combo of nature and nurture just like many other things. There are boys that are more energetic and who need physical input than a typical girl but there are ways to harness it in appropriate ways. My son actually does not like getting dirty. My youngest girl is the one who enjoys getting messy the most out of my kids. My son is my most active and does enjoy stereotypical boy things and he went through and aggressive phase as a toddler but I did not excuse his behavior because he was I boy. I worked to correct it.

Last edited by nohollyhomaker; 04-13-2013 at 12:54 PM.
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Old 04-15-2013, 11:35 AM   #19
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Re: S/O boys will be boys

I agree that I don't think the phrase *should* be used to excuse bad behavior.

However, I think it's helpful to understand that, stereotypically, boys have a lot more energy and need to play hard and rough to get that energy out. When we expect boys (and lots of girls too) to be soft and quiet all the time, we're going to have serious discipline issues on our hands. For me, it's really nice to be able to tell my kids to go outside and jump on the trampoline when they are being wild inside, and being quiet inside seems to beyond their capabilities.
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Old 04-15-2013, 12:23 PM   #20
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Originally Posted by sisu
I wish the "boys will be boys" mentality would just die already.

All kids need an outlet for their energy and curiosity. All kids should be encouraged to get dirty, to explore their surroundings, to discover the wonders of the world.

For what it's worth, my daughter is much more physical, more of a daredevil, and so much naughtier than my son has ever thought of being.
I can tell when DD has been cooped up too much. Like today. Poor girl needs to get out. But it's cold and mom has a 1 week old baby.

Kids need to be allowed to be kids - regardless of gender.
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