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Old 04-15-2013, 12:26 PM   #21
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Re: S/O boys will be boys

My boys are much more physical with each other than my daughter. However, we don't encourage or allow hurtful play. We are fortunate that the age difference is 2 and 8 years old, so the big bro knows he play wrestle, but gently. And no use of "weapons" (sticks, etc). Even my husband may tickle them, spin them around or flip them over, but it never takes on a hurtful tone.

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Old 04-17-2013, 07:36 PM   #22
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Re: S/O boys will be boys

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Originally Posted by nonipie View Post
They have a different energy than my daughter. Not bad just different. We have the exact same expectations for them. I find not a single thing wrong with a child (boy or girl) being loud, dirty, energetic and physical in a safe environment at the appropriate times. You want to act like a wild animal in the backyard with a stick and some dirt then go to town. They will however keep their hands and feet to themselves, no rude talk and be kind. I'm lucky to have had so many men of high character in my life and not a single one of them let that type of thing slide. My daughter by the way is way more crazy than my oldest was at this age.
This.

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Exactly. And while it might be cute to say when a boy is four and dirtying his good clothes by playing in the mud the mentality is not cute 15 years later when the same boy is caught doing things that are both socially and morally unacceptable.

There is a way to let boys have fun (including getting dirty and rough housing) in a way that does not teach them that they automatically get a free pass just because they are boys and nothing more is expected of them.
And this. EXACTLY. Here in the South, I think I am very much on my guard about "boys being boys", simply because it seems like boys often get a free pass simply due to their gender. I read a fantastic blog post about this recently...a little off topic (it was written as though speaking to the woman's 18yo son) but so lovely. FYI, it is very heavily Christian - though, I'm not apologizing for that, but some might prefer to be aware of it before reading. http://www.aholyexperience.com/2013/...about-manhood/

I agree that boys, in general, are more naturally rough & tumble. However, my daughter can hold her own with big bro any day. (He keeps trying to kind of leave her out of group stuff lately, and I'm like - Dude. She's a tough cookie with an iron will and powerful little limbs. Trust me, son - you don't want her playing for the opposing team. )

Being male is quite simply never an excuse for hurtful behavior or bad choices. (Sorry, kiddo. You get the same consequences your sister does.) Hopefully, if we're doing it right, when our kids are adults they will understand why it is important to treat everyone with kindness and consistency.
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Old 04-17-2013, 07:41 PM   #23
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Re: S/O boys will be boys

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Let me preface this by saying I have 3 girls so I'm clueless.

Is there a time and a place for boys to be boys? (ie in the backyard with dad and other boys who won't care if they get hurt and muddy). Is that attitude archaic? Is this role only reserved for boys or can girls be rough-ish too? Is this outlet of energy necessary for boys to be behaved the rest of the time?

Thoughts?
I wanted to add that I do believe that the outlet of energy is necessary for many kids to be able to focus. Some homeschoolers will actually tell you that their kids focus WAY better, and get a lot more done, after an hour of running around the yard than they ever would without that option!
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Old 04-17-2013, 08:03 PM   #24
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Re: S/O boys will be boys

My husband gets in the floor and wrestles with all my kids (3 girls 1 boy). They love it, all of them. My older girls and my son like to pick up frogs, worms, and bugs. My 3 year old screams and runs though. I do agree with everyone that it does not mean that they can act a fool just because they have a penis.
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Old 04-20-2013, 05:08 PM   #25
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This phrase really frustrates me. My son was having a hard time with many things and people were quick to dismiss his difficulties as "boys will be boys" when come to find out my son has a severe sensory processing disorder. People said after having 3 girls, I just wasn't familiar with boys. But I'm still his mom and knew something wasn't right. Thankfully I trusted my gut and now he is receiving services.

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Old 04-20-2013, 09:31 PM   #26
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Re: S/O boys will be boys

I hate that phrase too. Kids will be kids and all kids are different. I have 2 boys and a girl. Both of my boys are different. One is more of a rough player (not violent type rough) and the other one is more calmer. I don't know how my daughter will play yet as she's only 2 months old, but I have lots of friends with girls and they can be just as rough as any boy or more quiet and reserved like a lot of other boys.
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Old 04-21-2013, 05:57 AM   #27
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Re: S/O boys will be boys

I have 2 boys. We are teaching them to say, please and thank you. to be polite and kind. They get rough and dirty outside, but in public they are taught how to behave, and if you don't behave, mommy will leave. Its a pain in the butt to constantly have to go out to the car, and leave what I am doing. But at just over 2, Asher is a very polite and well mannered kid(in public) now at home, he is a little terror. But in public he's nice.
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Old 04-21-2013, 11:12 AM   #28
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Re: S/O boys will be boys

I don't have negative feelings associated with the term. I have all boys myself and I definitely see a difference, in general, between the sexes. To me, the phrase might be referring to just that in general boys tend to be much more active, more physical, less inclined to be nurturing on their own (I think this quality can be cultivated by good parenting, though), etc. I don't personally have a problem with seeing and appreciating the innate difference between boys and girls. I don't think they pop out of the womb identical. They are very much physiologically designed differently. I understand that others don't agree, though.
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Old 04-21-2013, 12:38 PM   #29
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Re: S/O boys will be boys

I only think of that phrase describing the rough way that boys play. I have three girls and one boy. They all can have fun wrestling around with eachother or dh (sometimes even me), but my son loves it a lot more and is rougher than the girls would ever be. I wouldn't jump in to stop boys rough-housing unless I thought one of the boys was not enjoying that kind of play. I honestly can't imagine one of my girls slinging their friends on the ground, getting tackled back and enjoying it. My son on the other hand regularly plays like that with other little boys. Of course, my neighborhood is full of little girls so my ds is also often outside playing barbies or riding bikes with the girls. My Dh play "fights" with ds all the time, but my ds knows not to "fight" me or his sisters.
I guess I have no problem with the thought that boys and girls in general DO play differently. Then again, I'm a fan of gender roles so I guess that's not surprising.
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Old 04-21-2013, 03:16 PM   #30
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Re: S/O boys will be boys

I don't have any boys, but I do have 3 younger brothers and have taught many boys over the years. Boys, IMO, are definitely different little creatures than girls (as a whole-there are always exceptions).

I DO NOT like the excuse "boys will be boys". IMO boys get away with a lot of unacceptable things, just bc the behavior is expected of boys.
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