Reply Hey Mom! Learn more about the Gerber Life Insurance Grow-Up Plan!
 
Thread Tools Display Modes
Old 04-12-2013, 07:58 AM   #1
AtLeast's Avatar
AtLeast
Registered
Formerly: rli***t
seller
seller
 
Join Date: Feb 2007
Location: Oregon Coast
Posts: 1,800
MoMs - Choosing to be done

For those of you with large young families (5+ in 10 yrs or less) was there a point when you felt done? And another facet to that, if you have been leaving your children up to the Lord for timing and number, was there a time that you had peace about the decision to end your childbearing years?

Here is my situation: I'm going to be 37 next month, we have 5 kids age 10-16m. I am pg with #6, but it is my 9th pregnancy. I'm feeling like this may be our last baby. When I follow that train of thought, I have a lot of peace about it. I don't have the usual feelings I do in pregnancy of how I couldn't imagine it being the last time. I feel really good about stopping at 6.

However, we have had the conviction to give our lives to the Lord in all areas, including our fertility, knowing He knows what is best for us. So, obvioulsy, the choice to be done would go against that. So, I'm struggling.

I'm going to start a Bible study on my own about what the Bible has to say about HOW we raise our children vs HOW MANY children we have. This is what I did when the Lord first pressed upon us to leave it all in His hands. I'm praying my answers will be clear after that.

I'd love to hear your stories, though. If you were able to move past the feelings of being "done" and go on to have more, or if you have continued to feel peace about stopping.

TIA!

Advertisement

__________________
~Rebekah~Mother of 9, 6 of whom I have the honor of raising, 3 with Jesus..
AtLeast is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 04-12-2013, 11:22 AM   #2
Kiliki's Avatar
Kiliki
Registered Users
Formerly: kr***y
seller
 
Join Date: Jun 2007
Posts: 9,397
Re: MoMs - Choosing to be done

I know I don't fit the question exactly, but wanted to say, I just had our 4th baby.

Every other time I have been pregnant, I have swooned the entire time over the pregnancy, the baby, looked forward to the birth experience, and I have never, ever felt ready for it to be my last baby. I have always felt deeply saddened at the thought of any pregnancy being my last.

However this past time was different. I was still excited about the new baby, but from the moment I got a BFP, I felt this time was just "different" from all the past pregnancies. I just felt deep down that I am done with this chapter in my life. I love newborns, I love being a mother, I love my children, but I also love myself and my husband and more children would take away greatly from our stability in many ways.

I think a very important part of my faith is having balance in my life. Moderation in everything and reasonableness. There is a scripture (forgive me, can quote it but can't remember atm where to find it) that says, in part, "in all things let your reasonableness be made known to all men...". I believe God is reasonable in His expectations of me, and this includes in the number of children I have. For *our* family, more children would be unreasonable. It would cause a great bit of upheaval that would not be easily remedied for years. I can't let my love of motherhood and babies trump the balance that I think is vital to my life and faith and marriage.

I have loved bearing children, but in my heart, I know I am done. I feel at peace with this. Had anyone asked me 1 yr ago if I would ever stop having babies, I would have said never, no way! But now I am confident this is the end of this chapter and I feel at peace with this.

eta- we have had 4 babies in 7 yrs.

Last edited by Kiliki; 04-12-2013 at 11:28 AM.
Kiliki is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 04-12-2013, 12:28 PM   #3
AtLeast's Avatar
AtLeast
Registered
Formerly: rli***t
seller
seller
 
Join Date: Feb 2007
Location: Oregon Coast
Posts: 1,800
Thank you. I love your post. It is very much what I am feeling, almost exactly.

I've often heard that you'll know when your done, I guess I'm there, although I never thought I would be. And I'm feeling kind of guilty, just because when people have asked, we've said we were open to as many children as He sends. I don't feel like there is any guilt from the Father, just myself.
__________________
~Rebekah~Mother of 9, 6 of whom I have the honor of raising, 3 with Jesus..
AtLeast is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 04-12-2013, 12:39 PM   #4
GEMQEMCABOOSE's Avatar
GEMQEMCABOOSE
Registered Users
seller
seller
 
Join Date: Jun 2008
Location: Beautiful Tennessee
Posts: 3,548
My Mood:
Re: MoMs - Choosing to be done

I am 38 and pregnant with twins, who are babies #4 and #5 in just under 9 years. This is my swan song. I sympathize so much with Kiliki's post above. Never before did I have a peace about being done growing our family. I have enjoyed pregnancy, birth and child rearing like nothing else. Wouldn't trade it for the world. Since #3, I have known I felt one more in my heart. Surprise, we got 2!! But I have always suspected, and knew it immediately upon getting the BFP, that this would be my last pregnancy and my last babies. I am ready for the next season of life and completely at peace being the mom of 5 littles. I have been fruitful, I have multiplied, I have raised my children in admonition of the Lord, to be soldiers in His army. My quiver is full of arrows pointed for His Glory. I am choosing my free will at this point to be done, while inviting Him to change my heart if He desires something else for us, and being open to his leading. So long as I have supernatural peace about our decision, I feel right in my vertical relationship, and will press on my path. I trust the Prince of Peace to put something on my heart should he desire otherwise.
__________________
Leslie Helpmeet since 1999. WAHM to Big(04), Middle(08) and Little(09) and Double Blessings (10/13).Granola crunchy, scheduling, Evangelical Liberal mommy that CDs, BFs, ERFs, & BWs. An attached parent without the Attachment Parenting.
GEMQEMCABOOSE is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 04-12-2013, 01:05 PM   #5
AtLeast's Avatar
AtLeast
Registered
Formerly: rli***t
seller
seller
 
Join Date: Feb 2007
Location: Oregon Coast
Posts: 1,800
Re: MoMs - Choosing to be done

Perfect, Leslie. I agree that our relationship with the Father is fluid, it's conversational, it's not static. I feel that in talking with Him, letting Him know my heart and desires, He is giving me this peace. My DH is completely on board, which is also a green light for me. If weren't in agreement, then that would be a different story.

Thanks ladies, so much. I'm part of another board where I get a lot of encouragement and support in raising a large family, but they won't really entertain this topic and that was making me feel even more guilt. So I really appreciate your thoughts.
__________________
~Rebekah~Mother of 9, 6 of whom I have the honor of raising, 3 with Jesus..
AtLeast is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 04-13-2013, 08:28 PM   #6
dressagemom
Registered Users
seller
 
Join Date: Oct 2007
Posts: 1,313
Re: MoMs - Choosing to be done

I am currently pregnant with #6. I felt complete peace with being done after #4, and then felt like my whole world was turned upside down with #5. It took me many months to truly be at peace with another baby. I felt completely at peace with her being my last baby. I had a miscarriage in the fall of 2012, and then found myself expecting #6 a few weeks later. Although I am at peace with adding another baby, my DH is thrilled, and the older children are excited, I feel as though I am ready to be finished with this chapter.

We have never felt comfortable doing anything permanent to prevent any more children, I think that I am at a place where I am ready to think about it again. Our children are spaced an average of 3 years apart, so not close like some MoM, but still, every baby adds another layer of complication to our family.

I agree that it is not an easy thing to decide, and really, it comes down to whatever the Father gives you peace in your heart for. Some couples are happy to go until they can no longer have children, even if that means there are many miscarriages along the way and 22 children at the end of it. I don't think I have that capacity; two miscarriages were enough for me. I have peace that if this is our last baby, it is ok, we have healthy, great children, and I have no right to complain about not having "enough".
dressagemom is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 05-09-2013, 04:27 PM   #7
Marie8603
Registered Users
seller
 
Join Date: Nov 2012
Posts: 65
Re: MoMs - Choosing to be done

If you like having babies I don't think you might ever feel at peace. I just had our 4th and had my tubes tied and hubby had a vasectomy. I have to keep my mind off of the fact that I will never have any more of my own babies. You may have to find outlets to really be at peace.
Marie8603 is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 05-09-2013, 11:57 PM   #8
dolphingirl
Registered Users
seller
 
Join Date: May 2006
Posts: 615
My Mood:
Re: MoMs - Choosing to be done

I've finally reached a point of peace (for the most part) after #6. DH feels this is his limit, and though I would welcome more I also have feelings of "being at my limit." What to do about that though, I have no clue. We can't imagine using birth control for another 10-15 years (I'm almost 38) and we're not really comfortable with surgical methods for various reasons. With our past history, natural family planning will result in more babies!

Last edited by dolphingirl; 05-10-2013 at 12:08 AM.
dolphingirl is offline   Reply With Quote
Reply

Thread Tools
Display Modes

Posting Rules
You may not post new threads
You may not post replies
You may not post attachments
You may not edit your posts

BB code is On
Smilies are On
[IMG] code is On
HTML code is Off

Forum Jump

Copyright 2005 - 2014 Escalate Media. All Rights Reserved.