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Old 05-10-2013, 10:44 AM   #11
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Re: "you gatta do what's best for you!"... really?!?!

I think it goes both ways. Yes, I chose to bring my children into the world and therefore I need to make sure their needs are met. But, those children are part of a family -- they are not the only one whose needs matter. Sometimes, my children's needs come before my own. Sometimes, I put my needs in front of my kid's needs. I don't think you can make a blanket statement that you must always in every case put your kids before yourself. I guess that works for some people, but I think it can also lead to kids with an over-developed sense of entitlement.

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Old 05-10-2013, 10:48 AM   #12
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Re: "you gatta do what's best for you!"... really?!?!

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Originally Posted by Joyful Tie Dyes View Post
I don't think she meant this post to be about breastfeeding but any choice as a parent. In general I agree that once you have kids it's not all about you anymore and your choices should be about what's best for your child whenever possible.
I know but I think breastfeeding is a very good example of something that's "best" nutritionally for a baby but might be harmful to the mom. A lot of the other things she mentioned CIO etc. are really more parenting choices.
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Old 05-10-2013, 10:52 AM   #13
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Re: "you gatta do what's best for you!"... really?!?!

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Originally Posted by KaleidoscopeEyes View Post
happens to the best of us. DD2 is not a nursey baby. she wants to feed fast, no comfort nursing at all. she nursed like a champ for the first few months and now she only wants to bottle feed. even though i take herbs and dom, i pump 30ish oz per day and she wants more. thankfully i found a sweet local mama willing to pump for me to supplement.

it's so weird after nursing ds2 for 2 years and dd1 for 3 (i nursed my entire PG) to have a baby that has absolutely no interest in the breast.
Thanks. It's always nice to hear when someone else is going/went through something similar. I have been debating using Dom for almost a month now; I pump 20-22 and my DD drinks 30 oz.
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Old 05-10-2013, 10:54 AM   #14
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I think the whole "doing what's best for you" is a broader concept than a parent thinking just about themselves. It is what works for you, the collective and not you the single person.

ETA: I also think putting children first in everything all the time has negative consequences. There are times when a mother putting herself first has merits.
I agree . sometimes taking care of myself is what is best for my children. things like breast feeding is not only about baby. It can effect the whole family both positive and sometimes negative. Those things must be considered and weighed.
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Old 05-10-2013, 11:00 AM   #15
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Re: "you gatta do what's best for you!"... really?!?!

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Originally Posted by vatblack View Post
I think the whole "doing what's best for you" is a broader concept than a parent thinking just about themselves. It is what works for you, the collective and not you the single person.

ETA: I also think putting children first in everything all the time has negative consequences. There are times when a mother putting herself first has merits.

It's about the whole family. Not about one child. The parents who think they are "doing what's best for the child" are often NOT indeed doing what's best for the child.

The other day, I was eating my organic celery sticks with almond butter and organic raisins, while shopping in the thrift store for a new wardrobe, and I saw a mom using a bottle to feed her child and she had the baby in a carseat in the front of the cart, and the baby was wearing a nasty sposie. So, I informed her that she wasn't parenting in the way that was best for her child. I tried to show her the second hand baby carriers that she could use instead of a bucket seat, and suggested she try to relactate. The baby then started crying, and I was shocked that she seemed unfazed by her crying.

I was also horrified that this poor child was wearing all pink and her shirt said "Princess" on it... I guided her toward the gender neutral clothing, and she said "I like pink". *disgusted eye roll*

I'm pretty sure the baby was crying because her parents are forcing a gender on her.

The other children (who had clearly just come from daycare and public school) looked dead inside, like their souls had been crushed. The boy was wearing a tshirt that said "Daddy's little football player" and I could tell he wanted that pink princess wand in the toy section, but they wouldn't buy it.
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Old 05-10-2013, 11:05 AM   #16
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Originally Posted by escapethevillage View Post

It's about the whole family. Not about one child. The parents who think they are "doing what's best for the child" are often NOT indeed doing what's best for the child.

The other day, I was eating my organic celery sticks with almond butter and organic raisins, while shopping in the thrift store for a new wardrobe, and I saw a mom using a bottle to feed her child and she had the baby in a carseat in the front of the cart, and the baby was wearing a nasty sposie. So, I informed her that she wasn't parenting in the way that was best for her child. I tried to show her the second hand baby carriers that she could use instead of a bucket seat, and suggested she try to relactate. The baby then started crying, and I was shocked that she seemed unfazed by her crying.

I was also horrified that this poor child was wearing all pink and her shirt said "Princess" on it... I guided her toward the gender neutral clothing, and she said "I like pink". *disgusted eye roll*

I'm pretty sure the baby was crying because her parents are forcing a gender on her.

The other children (who had clearly just come from daycare and public school) looked dead inside, like their souls had been crushed. The boy was wearing a tshirt that said "Daddy's little football player" and I could tell he wanted that pink princess wand in the toy section, but they wouldn't buy it.
Snort...lol
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Old 05-10-2013, 11:07 AM   #17
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Re: "you gatta do what's best for you!"... really?!?!

I think the issue I have with saying "You have to do what is best for you." is that it really should be "You have to do what is best for your family.". This of course would include the mama as she too is a part of the family. This may mean formula feeding, breastfeeding, pumping, or a mix of any or all 3 of the above.

I have heard this 'You have to do what is best for you.' phrase being used as an excuse for a bored wife to divorce her husband. In this womans words(the one I am thinking of from my old job) ," I am bored. He just doesn't excite me anymore. He is a wonderful husband and father but I think I want more excitement." She was told by another co worker she needed to do what was best for her.
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Old 05-10-2013, 11:08 AM   #18
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Re: "you gatta do what's best for you!"... really?!?!

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Originally Posted by escapethevillage View Post
It's about the whole family. Not about one child. The parents who think they are "doing what's best for the child" are often NOT indeed doing what's best for the child.

The other day, I was eating my organic celery sticks with almond butter and organic raisins, while shopping in the thrift store for a new wardrobe, and I saw a mom using a bottle to feed her child and she had the baby in a carseat in the front of the cart, and the baby was wearing a nasty sposie. So, I informed her that she wasn't parenting in the way that was best for her child. I tried to show her the second hand baby carriers that she could use instead of a bucket seat, and suggested she try to relactate. The baby then started crying, and I was shocked that she seemed unfazed by her crying.

I was also horrified that this poor child was wearing all pink and her shirt said "Princess" on it... I guided her toward the gender neutral clothing, and she said "I like pink". *disgusted eye roll*

I'm pretty sure the baby was crying because her parents are forcing a gender on her.

The other children (who had clearly just come from daycare and public school) looked dead inside, like their souls had been crushed. The boy was wearing a tshirt that said "Daddy's little football player" and I could tell he wanted that pink princess wand in the toy section, but they wouldn't buy it.
I'm gonna die laughing!
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Old 05-10-2013, 11:09 AM   #19
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Originally Posted by vatblack View Post
I think the whole "doing what's best for you" is a broader concept than a parent thinking just about themselves. It is what works for you, the collective and not you the single person.

ETA: I also think putting children first in everything all the time has negative consequences. There are times when a mother putting herself first has merits.
Yup. As a family unit you cannot always put the direct needs of a child first. Nurturing your marriage provides a safe, loving environment for the children. Nurturing the main providers career allows you to support your children. Nurturing your children below them grow and thrive. And there is something to the saying "If mama isn't happy nobody is happy". Sometimes what's best for the kids is what's best for you.
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Old 05-10-2013, 11:10 AM   #20
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Re: "you gatta do what's best for you!"... really?!?!

Quote:
Originally Posted by escapethevillage View Post
It's about the whole family. Not about one child. The parents who think they are "doing what's best for the child" are often NOT indeed doing what's best for the child.

The other day, I was eating my organic celery sticks with almond butter and organic raisins, while shopping in the thrift store for a new wardrobe, and I saw a mom using a bottle to feed her child and she had the baby in a carseat in the front of the cart, and the baby was wearing a nasty sposie. So, I informed her that she wasn't parenting in the way that was best for her child. I tried to show her the second hand baby carriers that she could use instead of a bucket seat, and suggested she try to relactate. The baby then started crying, and I was shocked that she seemed unfazed by her crying.

I was also horrified that this poor child was wearing all pink and her shirt said "Princess" on it... I guided her toward the gender neutral clothing, and she said "I like pink". *disgusted eye roll*

I'm pretty sure the baby was crying because her parents are forcing a gender on her.

The other children (who had clearly just come from daycare and public school) looked dead inside, like their souls had been crushed. The boy was wearing a tshirt that said "Daddy's little football player" and I could tell he wanted that pink princess wand in the toy section, but they wouldn't buy it.
omg were we at the same thrift shop? lmao
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