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Old 05-10-2013, 10:01 AM   #1
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"you gatta do what's best for you!"... really?!?!

I was listening to a debate about breastfeeding. the woman opposing was saying that it isn't for everyone and "you (mom) gatta do what's best for you." REALLY!??! regarding things like breastfeeding, vaccinations, discipline, and yes, even crying-it-out... do you as a mom really "gatta do what's best for you"... shouldn't you be doing what's best for the child?!?!/ is this just mainstream parenting thoughts? does or should every mom really be doing what's best for themselves? is it just an attachment parenting thing to always strive to do what's best for the child??!

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Old 05-10-2013, 10:03 AM   #2
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Re: "you gatta do what's best for you!"... really?!?!

I think the whole "doing what's best for you" is a broader concept than a parent thinking just about themselves. It is what works for you, the collective and not you the single person.

ETA: I also think putting children first in everything all the time has negative consequences. There are times when a mother putting herself first has merits.
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Old 05-10-2013, 10:05 AM   #3
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Re: "you gatta do what's best for you!"... really?!?!

I'm an avid breastfeeder, but I don't think it's right for everyone - AND THAT'S OK. Sometimes doing what's best for Mom IS doing what's best for the child, too.
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Old 05-10-2013, 10:09 AM   #4
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Re: "you gatta do what's best for you!"... really?!?!

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I think the whole "doing what's best for you" is a broader concept than a parent thinking just about themselves. It is what works for you, the collective and not you the single person.

ETA: I also think putting children first in everything all the time has negative consequences. There are times when a mother putting herself first has merits.
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Old 05-10-2013, 10:11 AM   #5
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Re: "you gatta do what's best for you!"... really?!?!

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I'm an avid breastfeeder, but I don't think it's right for everyone - AND THAT'S OK. Sometimes doing what's best for Mom IS doing what's best for the child, too.
AGREED!!
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Old 05-10-2013, 10:16 AM   #6
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Re: "you gatta do what's best for you!"... really?!?!

I had a friend who developed severe anxiety over breastfeeding. She was counting feedings, pumping obsessively to build up a freezer stash, her entire life revolved around breastfeeding to the point of literally not being able to do anything else. It was NOT good for her and her son. She stuck it out for 6 months because she knew it was best for him, but even as a HUGE breastfeeding advocate, I could see once she stopped that she was a much better mom to her children.

I don't think it's as cut and dry as "breastmilk is better than formula when it comes to the nutrition of the baby", there are many other factors that don't make it "better" for some people.
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Old 05-10-2013, 10:22 AM   #7
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Re: "you gatta do what's best for you!"... really?!?!

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I'm an avid breastfeeder, but I don't think it's right for everyone - AND THAT'S OK. Sometimes doing what's best for Mom IS doing what's best for the child, too.
Yep! If breastfeeding makes a mom miserable and unable to bond with her baby then I think the alternative is much better for the baby.

-----------bit of a derail-------------

It always makes me sad to see these kinds of posts. I pump nearly exclusively for my DD and *gasp* supplement with formula. Breastfeeding absolutely kept me from bonding with her, I didn't even want to hold her for 3 weeks. She literally damaged my nipples so much that they are scarred and missing chunks and then to top it off wouldn't gain weight and ended up falling off the WHO growth charts. Two tongue tie procedures and 3 lactation consultants later I finally decided to just pump and that's when I really started to bond with my DD.

Not to mention I think the frustration from nursing kept DD from bonding with me. At one time the LC was having me basically hold her to my breast even when fighting and pin her arms. I love holding her on my chest and giving her a bottle as she snuggles. I think that if she could talk she'd probably say the latter is much nicer for her. I also use a preemie flow nipple and it takes her about 20 minutes to drink four ounces.
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Old 05-10-2013, 10:37 AM   #8
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Re: "you gatta do what's best for you!"... really?!?!

some people prefer to train their child around them vs adjusting themselves to their child. ive always preferred to put my child first personally, it's something that is very important to me.
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Old 05-10-2013, 10:38 AM   #9
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Re: "you gatta do what's best for you!"... really?!?!

I don't think she meant this post to be about breastfeeding but any choice as a parent. In general I agree that once you have kids it's not all about you anymore and your choices should be about what's best for your child whenever possible.
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Old 05-10-2013, 10:41 AM   #10
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Re: "you gatta do what's best for you!"... really?!?!

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Originally Posted by evasimone View Post
Yep! If breastfeeding makes a mom miserable and unable to bond with her baby then I think the alternative is much better for the baby.

-----------bit of a derail-------------

It always makes me sad to see these kinds of posts. I pump nearly exclusively for my DD and *gasp* supplement with formula. Breastfeeding absolutely kept me from bonding with her, I didn't even want to hold her for 3 weeks. She literally damaged my nipples so much that they are scarred and missing chunks and then to top it off wouldn't gain weight and ended up falling off the WHO growth charts. Two tongue tie procedures and 3 lactation consultants later I finally decided to just pump and that's when I really started to bond with my DD.

Not to mention I think the frustration from nursing kept DD from bonding with me. At one time the LC was having me basically hold her to my breast even when fighting and pin her arms. I love holding her on my chest and giving her a bottle as she snuggles. I think that if she could talk she'd probably say the latter is much nicer for her. I also use a preemie flow nipple and it takes her about 20 minutes to drink four ounces.
happens to the best of us. DD2 is not a nursey baby. she wants to feed fast, no comfort nursing at all. she nursed like a champ for the first few months and now she only wants to bottle feed. even though i take herbs and dom, i pump 30ish oz per day and she wants more. thankfully i found a sweet local mama willing to pump for me to supplement.

it's so weird after nursing ds2 for 2 years and dd1 for 3 (i nursed my entire PG) to have a baby that has absolutely no interest in the breast.
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