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Old 07-07-2013, 04:05 PM   #1
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Should I be upset by this?

I am pregnant right now so not very rational.

My in laws have been coming out in the past around DS birthday. Okay, whatever, it makes it so we can't have a party but that is okay. I mean I wouldn't want any of my friends to see how crazy my in laws are so it makes it easy!

This year we will have the newbie and they are STILL insisting on coming out for ODS birthday. I am really afraid that they are going to be focusing all on ODS and completely ignoring newbie. Now newbie will not realize this this year. He is will be pretty much a mama's boy anyway because I will give him food, and change his diaper (my in laws don't help out at all). However if this continues I am worried about hurt feelings later.

Am I over thinking? They can come out whenever. We have an open door policy as long as no one else is visiting (which rarely people come to visit us). They will be the last (aside from my bio dad who can't come out) to see newbie too. My mother will be here for the birth, and my ex-step father (dad #2) will be out here in August.

Oh and ODS is going to be 5 this year (end of September).

So is this all in my head or should I be a bit mad?

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Old 07-07-2013, 04:10 PM   #2
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I don't think you should be mad about them ignoring the newbie. The baby will either be asleep or attached to you all the time, which is pretty boring for visitors.

ODS will probably need all the extra attention he can get from other family members once you have that baby. Welcome them because he will need them.
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Old 07-07-2013, 04:39 PM   #3
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Re: Should I be upset by this?

If it's the usual custom for the family, I could see why they'd want to continue...and if they're coming out for your DS's birthday, I would expect they'd spend most of their time with him. I'd actually be more miffed if they came out for DS's b'day & spent their time fawning over the newbie, KWIM? I know my mom is going to come out after the babies are born...I wish she'd mostly wrangle DD so I could get a handle on initial attachment, establishing bfing, going to those first Dr appts, etc., but I know better. I have a more reserved relationship w/ my SIL, but I almost wish she were the one coming...she doesn't really "do" infants & would rein in my tiny tyrant really effectively--exactly what I need, KWIM?
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Old 07-07-2013, 04:40 PM   #4
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Re: Should I be upset by this?

I think you are irrationally overthinking it because of your pregnancy. Nothing you have posted gives any indication that they will ignore the newbie at all, let alone continue to ignore the little one in the future.
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Old 07-07-2013, 04:48 PM   #5
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Re: Should I be upset by this?

My mom is going to be spending her time taking care of ODS and making sure he is happy when she comes up for the birth. She is even getting a hotel room near the hospital so he can stay with her there while I am recovering. I am not worried about ODS feeling left out. ODS is very attached to me and honestly I have been in his shoes and know what my ex-step mother (not considered mom #2 for a reason!!!) did wrong with me. My sister is 12 years younger then me.

I am just worried that my in-laws will make a big deal out of ODS birthday over the years because they are out here then (MIL doesn't want to come out in the heat... so I get that they will never be out for YDS birthday, they go to Hawaii typically in November, they go to Las Vegas typically in May... MIL is also scared of snow and hates to travel during holidays so therefore I don't know when else they would come out) and then poor YDS is left out because he happens to be born in July.

However, my in laws are coming out a full month earlier then they did after ODS was born so maybe that is a good sign. They came out when ODS was 3 months old. YDS will be only 2 months old when they come out.
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Old 07-07-2013, 04:53 PM   #6
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When I had DS2 my mom spent more time with DS1 which worked out great. He was used to being the center of attention and having his nana spend more time with him helped him adjust better. I think he would have had a very hard time adjusting since I couldn't focus just on him and it was hard for me to take him places since I had a c section. I couldn't take him to the farm & tractor show (his absolutely favorite thing because they let the kids climb on the farm machinery) so my mom picked him up and took him. Just play it by ear. I don't think they will ignore the new baby.
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Old 07-07-2013, 06:33 PM   #7
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Re: Should I be upset by this?

I see no reason to be concerned about this particularly this year as YDS will be very young and ODS may be feeling a little bit ignored since he will be getting used to not having your undivided attention. I would take future years as they come and see how things go.
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Old 07-07-2013, 07:01 PM   #8
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I kind of can't see anyone ignoring the newbie and not wanting to hold him? But right now I think it would be wonderful for ds1 to have people there to focus mainly on him, as the transition for no sibling to new baby brother will undoubtedly be difficult! I was thankful when my parents came and looked after my oldest And gave him much needed attention while I tended to the newbie! I wouldn't worry about preferences showing until newbie is much older and you are sure that is why is happening and would become a problem.
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Old 07-07-2013, 07:12 PM   #9
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Re: Should I be upset by this?

Quote:
Originally Posted by happysmileylady View Post
I think you are irrationally overthinking it because of your pregnancy. Nothing you have posted gives any indication that they will ignore the newbie at all, let alone continue to ignore the little one in the future.
This. The baby isn't here yet and the situation hasn't happened (yet, if at all) so no need to get angry over a non-existant situation
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Old 07-07-2013, 07:45 PM   #10
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Re: Should I be upset by this?



I think you are worrying about something that hasn't happened and might not even happen. So, perhaps the deal they make about your youngest's birthday will be a different deal because they cannot be there at that time.

Don't worry so much about everything being the same all the time for kids. It is really one of those "as big as you make it" issues unless it is obvious, vast, consistent differences. It's ok for things to be different.
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