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Old 08-30-2013, 07:25 PM   #41
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Re: Kindergartener doesn't want to stay in school.

I read your original post and skimmed everything else so forgive me if this has been covered but have you emailed with the teacher about how to handle this? I have found my children's teachers to be mostly well-versed in ideas to help the kids with whatever issues cropped up and mostly willing to help and assist me. Last year I had to be THAT mom and email the teacher 2 weeks into the school year asking her to help my daughter make friends. My 2nd grader! It was awful. I think it was a compilation of several factors but it culminated in her sobbing every day off the bus telling me how much she hated school and having meltdowns at home and trying to lie and tell me she was sick so she didn't have to go. But a seat change for everyone and a few well-placed suggestions from her teacher about who she might work with at centers and the typical encouragement and love at home was all it took for her to love school again and find her place. But without her teacher's help, I got NOWHERE in 2 weeks. So maybe your son's teacher could give you some suggestions of what you might do differently or how SHE might change things up at school for him so that he looks forward to it. He's just WAY too little with too much schooling left to be traumatized and hate it.

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Old 08-30-2013, 07:38 PM   #42
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Re: Kindergartener doesn't want to stay in school.

haven't read all the way through, but when my DD started junior kindergarten last year I was still debating about homeschooling, so for the first month (maybe less, a few weeks?) I sent her for mornings only and picked her up at lunch. I spoke with the teacher about it first and she said that would be the most productive for her because they tend to do the more core stuff (literacy, math etc) in the morning and the afternoons are more science/discovery/gym etc. Not sure if there is a similar set up there. Here kindergarten is completely optional. Within the month I think she realized she was missing some fun stuff in the afternoon and wanted to stay for the whole day, so that's what we did, and she was great for the rest of the year. She's starting senior kinder on tuesday and is really worked up about it again- I've said I will pick her up at lunch again for the first little while, knowing it will likely only be for a few days and then she'll be right back in her old routine. Is that an option? Sometimes I think the full day is just a lot for the little guys and if you can ease them into it a bit that might be easier for him.
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Old 09-02-2013, 06:53 PM   #43
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Re: Kindergartener doesn't want to stay in school.

That sounds incredibly stressful. I don't know your thoughts on this, but I'll tell you what I'd do if it were my kid. I'd red shirt her and have her try again in a year. He won't be behind, you've already done a great job if he's testing so well!!! I honestly think that given the history of the preK, and the rough start now, if you continue to ish him, he may just hate school forever...and that an awful way to think about kindergarten! Is there any way you'd consider homeschooling him, even if just for this year? There are lots of support groups for homeschooling now, ones where he can go and just play, ones where he can take a few specialty classes...and you'd be there to help the transition go more smoothly.
My middle dd, who is by far my most independent dd, would never be ready for full day school. Her birthday was is feb. so she's about the same age as your son. She tried vbs, which was only 9-12, and she didn't want to go back. Ironically,at our hs group, she runs off and I don't see her for the rest of the three hours we are there. She isn't clingy at all. So I can only imagine how much harder it is for your son. I agree that independence is an important skill, knowing how to be separated from mom and dad, make friends, work out issues, ect. However, I think that it needs to be a two way street...you push a little, and see how he does. If its freaking him out this much, he just may not be ready yet. And THAT IS OK. He doesn't need to be away from you all day, everyday right now. He will get there.
It seems like you really don't want to drop him off everyday, and that is totally, 100% understandable and OK. it's like anything with kids, you can only push them so far before they break, kwim? I hope my post isn't offensive by suggesting homeschooling if you really don't want to, but maybe even a half day play based preK for another year would work. I hope you get something worked out for both you and your son. Trust your gut mama, you know him best, you know if he is ready...and quite honestly, if he is going to spend a lot of time being 'punished' by his teacher, I would pull him.
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Old 09-02-2013, 10:42 PM   #44
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His initial diagnosis is ADHD with "disruptive behavior", we start weekly skills training on Wednesday. I truly believe he has oppositional defiant disorder also. Every single simple request turns into a struggle/melt down. I wish I had the patience to homeschool him but I'm just at my wits end and need the break from him, as awful as that sounds. Today was so bad, he went ballistic in Walmart and and I had to drag him out screaming. He was flinging himself on the floor to break my hold on his arm, hitting me, yelling that he's not my son anymore. All over a little coloring book that I took away because he was talking back and not staying by the cart. And just like that he's calm, like it never happened. we talk about his behavior frequently and he's always apologetic and understanding about what is unacceptable behavior. But once he's triggered it's all over, theres no diffusing the situation. My day to day tasks are so much more difficult now with the baby. I'm not always able to physically wrangle him like I could before. I need him to be more independent, not run off in stores, the street, etc. I really hope the therapy helps.

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Old 09-03-2013, 07:02 PM   #45
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Re: Kindergartener doesn't want to stay in school.

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Originally Posted by adavieau View Post
I may be the odd one out but if it were me I wouldn't force him to go. I recently read a book called Better Late Than Early (can't remember the author) that talks about how young children (especially boys) are just not emotionally ready for a school environment until closer to 8. It used to be that schools didn't start attendance until around that age and its gradually gotten earlier and earlier and we've added in pre-k. I think there is so much he can learn at home just being with you and going through a daily routine and there will be time enough for school and table work later.
I wouldn't force him to go either. There is a ton you can do at home. FWIW my DD is 5 & would not do well in a public school classroom all day. We homeschool.
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Old 09-03-2013, 07:33 PM   #46
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Re: Kindergartener doesn't want to stay in school.

Mama--my son is ADHD and ODD--I completely get your need for a break!

This behavior at school is a stage. It will pass. People who haven't parented an ODD child have no idea how frustrating it is, and how much patience you must have for every.single.interaction. There are days when I am so grateful I get to go to work and leave DS with daycare. Vyvanse has really helped my son a ton. He's been on it about 3 months, and we've see a dramatic change for the better. It doesn't fix the stubbornness, but by fixing some of the hyperness, there is less that we need to argue about, and I am not on his case quite so much.

Therapy has helped some, but basically what they told us was consistent consequences and timeouts. If you flinch once, he will test you 100 times to see if you will flinch again. So frustrating! DH takes it very personally when he won't listen. It is so hard to get him to understand that it isn't personal, and that you have to diffuse the situation differently than you would a normal child. He really struggles with DS because you can't draw lines in the sand for an ODD kid and expect the kid to not have a tantrum. Meltdowns are constant here if he doesn't get his way. It is very draining.

Does your son have an IEP or a 504 yet due to his ADHD? If not, I would contact the special education chair and ask for testing to get the process started. He obviously needs more supports, especially in transitioning. They need to work out a behavior reward system that works for him to reward positives in the transition in the morning. My son's also works on social skills related to his ODD (even if you don't have an official diagnosis, they need to work on the social skills he struggles with).

Good luck!
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Old 09-03-2013, 07:49 PM   #47
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My dh is the same. He gets so angry when ds doesn't listen to him. We fight about it a lot. I told his teacher about the diagnosis and will keep her posted if anything changes. She said he had a really good day. Still had a meltdown this morning but was ok after he calmed down.

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Old 09-03-2013, 08:56 PM   #48
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I am glad you have some answers. ADHD tends to run in families. I have it and most of my kids do too and its really hard because we trigger each other...I am just about as short tempered as they are some days. I wanted to tell you that my son was in his teens before he started ADHD meds but in hindsight I wish he would have started sooner. They helped more than any meds we tried. I know its hard with they are so little...but its hard for them too to have so little ability to control their impulses of anger. Hang in there mama!
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Old 09-03-2013, 09:30 PM   #49
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Re: Kindergartener doesn't want to stay in school.

This doesn't sound like it is strictly a school issue so holding him back, reshirting, not making him go isn't going to solve the problem.

I hope with his diagnosis he can get services through school that help him through this.
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Old 09-09-2013, 02:22 PM   #50
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Ds has been doing much better since the change in drop-off. He's still having trouble following directions though, which I expect. But I'm kind of ticked off about today. He had a lonely lunch because he wasn't quiet in the lunch line. I've noticed someone quieting the kids down in the morning and wondering why? I'm guessing they want the line to move quickly but I think it's a little harsh to punish a kindergartner for talking to kids in the lunch line. I'm wondering if the 20min. Recess is the only time in 5hrs that he's allowed to socialize and be "free". I wish there was more playing and less structure. It's kindergarten for crying out loud!

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