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Old 09-02-2013, 07:41 PM   #11
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Thanks mamas. I'm also dealing with her throwing a huge fit when ds doesn't do as she tells him to. If he doesn't play the way she wants (and most times, he doesn't. He's 2! He just doesn't understand her rules) she gets mad, sometimes throws things. Fine! I'm never going to play with you again!
Oh the drama

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Old 09-02-2013, 07:53 PM   #12
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Re: How do you handle the sassiness and defiance?

I stop them and calmly say "that is not how we talk to each other in this family. If you can't speak nicely you'll need to go cool off somewhere else."
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Old 09-04-2013, 01:35 PM   #13
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Originally Posted by corinne76 View Post
Thanks mamas. I'm also dealing with her throwing a huge fit when ds doesn't do as she tells him to. If he doesn't play the way she wants (and most times, he doesn't. He's 2! He just doesn't understand her rules) she gets mad, sometimes throws things. Fine! I'm never going to play with you again!
Oh the drama
Ooh yeah. That sucks. I do an immediate time out for lost cool in order to remove them from whatever situation caused the freak out. Time out is only to get them calm and break their negative focus, then explain your expectations and ask about theirs, and tell them when their expectations are unreasonable. You can also ask if yours are unreasonable. She might be able to tell you that she can't help getting angry when he plays wrong, which tells you to focus on how they play instead of how she reacts. Or she might say she wants to play the same but can try to stop being angry, in which case you can discuss ways to cope with big feelings. No matter what I still expect an apology out of the offending kiddo.
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Old 09-05-2013, 06:49 AM   #14
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Re: How do you handle the sassiness and defiance?

Don't ignore it. It then becomes a habit and she may not even recognize when she is doing it. Address it every.single.time. She will stop or at least become aware of her tone and fix it right away if she does it. Start with a serious sit down conversation about attitude and sassiness. Let her know your warning (I just say their name in a tone that lets them know I am unhappy with whatever they just did or said), and what consequence she will get if it's not corrected immediately. 5 year old attitude is just one of those phases that they go through when they are starting to assert more independence. She just needs to know her boundaries. Drama on the other hand.......well, that lasts for some time with most girls. My teen has toned it down, but my 11 year old is entering the "burst into tears over everything" phase. Nothing more dramatic than that!
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Old 09-05-2013, 07:38 AM   #15
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Re: How do you handle the sassiness and defiance?

NOTHING works for my daughter, but she has an actual mental issue we're trying to diagnose now.
She is the textbook child of defiance.
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Old 09-05-2013, 08:01 AM   #16
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Re: How do you handle the sassiness and defiance?

My 5 yr old has gotten sassy and defiant too. He also gets mad when his 4 yr old brother will not do what he wants him to do. I think it is the age. We take away things, tell him to stop being rude, and sometimes he will get a spanking (depends on what he is saying). We address it in some way every single time, which feels like all the time. He is on the Autism spectrum so it takes longer for him to gasp not to do something.
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Old 09-05-2013, 08:07 AM   #17
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Originally Posted by ohgirlohboyohno
I give the ...look.... And start counting in my adult voice... I don't think I have ever gotten to 3.... She usually snaps out of it at 2.... Lol
Mostly we yank her up and set her in her room or outside or in a corner and discuss she is not being nice and she has to stay there until SHE decides to come apologize
W do the counting too. Sometimes it works, sometimes we get to 5 (for our 2 year old) or 3 (for our 4 year old) and they get a time out or some privilege taken away. I swear I have the sassiest boys ever. They're worse than I ever was, the 2 year old is big into defiance lately and has started to tell me no whenever I say no or ask him to do something. So saying no to mommy or daddy equals automatic punishment, whether its time out or taking something away...depends on what's being said no to.
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Old 09-05-2013, 08:17 AM   #18
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Re: How do you handle the sassiness and defiance?

My response is to say in a shocked and angry tone of voice, 'Excuse me! What did you say? Is that how you speak to me?,' This has always given them the understanding what or how they were speaking was not appropriate. They then tone it down and speak respectfully to me.

I don't remember ever needing anything else. Now my youngest has a different personality. I do wonder if it is going to work with him as he gets older. He is now 2 years old.
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Old 09-05-2013, 09:12 AM   #19
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Re: How do you handle the sassiness and defiance?

I wouldn't say "beatings" but my 3.5y old gets a spanking when she gets to sassy. I tell her to "come here" and if she doesn't, I gently grab her hand and bring her over to the couch. I put her over my knee and she gets 1 (ONE) good swat on her naked butt. Stops the sass/attitude real fast. If she wants a hug after or some cuddles, she gets them. I do tell her that she got a a spankin because of how she was acting. She doesn't ever get a spanking for being physical with her sister, that gets the corner. We don't spank her for hitting because that doesn't seem like the right course of action for that behaviour.

ETA: the spanking has greatly improved her attitude. She was getting 1 spanking a day on average. Now its closer to once or twice a week.
My dad actually DID beat me when I was growing up. I have a great relationship with him now. We didn't talk while I was in my late teen years. My mom on the other hand spanked me on occassion like I do DD and we have always had a fairly good relationship. When I have had any issues with my mom, its because she is selfish and immature and I can't deal with the childishness.
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Old 09-05-2013, 09:20 AM   #20
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I just talk to them about respect. I also make sure I'm being a good example to ny children. They see the way dh and interact with each other.

I find the use of fear and pain compliance very strange. My stepfather used that technique on me. It made me resent him and gave me a great deal of stress
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