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Old 02-12-2014, 10:21 PM   #1
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Pushing Boundaries

Lately my boys (age 6 and 3) have been pushing...no bulldozing...the boundaries in our house. My dh works a lot so I'm the main parental figure. I'm getting very frustrated!!!

The major one is their lack of following instructions. I HATE asking multiple times...reminding constantly...having to stand over my kids when the are completing a task.

I'm at a loss for discipline tactics. What tactics work in your house??

**we do spank, but that is mostly reserved for direct disobedience or major rule-breaking**

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Old 02-12-2014, 11:05 PM   #2
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Re: Pushing Boundaries

No reminders. One time only directions assuming they do understand them. No excuses allowed. Consequences promptly applied. Consequences when possible are known ahead of time. For example my older children have a hard time keeping their rooms clean. They will watch tv instead of picking up. So when I am on the ball they get no television for the day if their rooms are messy. It generally only takes 1-2 times of missing to get them to keep their rooms clean. When I do this I see greatly improved behavior in all of my children. I have difficulty with it though and then I see their behavior slip and pushing begin. If I slack and don't enforce the rules their obedience and consequently their rooms suffer.
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Old 02-13-2014, 05:34 AM   #3
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Pick one thing you want to focus on. I think it's easier to start with something the kids won't be quite as adversed to. Set up a plan with clear expectations/rewards-consequences. Once the boys see that you mean business on this easier one you can start expanding.

I have our rules written up and posted. This helps keep us all consistent with them

Good luck! As long as you stick to what you say the boys will figure it out
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Old 02-13-2014, 08:01 PM   #4
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This might sound nuts, but it works in our house. When ds1 was 5, dd 2, and ds3 brand new, we established a really solid daily/weekly rhythm, and then began singing through transitions. So, for example, just before I want everyone to get ready to get into the car by gathering up their stuff, I hum and then sing the same song. I sing it until everybody's buckled up and we're in the car. I sing a different song when its time to gather at the table, when its time to clean up toys, when its time for homeschooling, outside play, etc. It can get a little annoying, singing through the day, and it feels odd at times to be in public singing, but it works for my kids. When we first started this, I would just sing and gently physically guide them, but I didn't explain what I was doing, nor would I answer any questions. Within a day or two, they caught on and, honestly, it cut down on a lot of the whining and resistance. Instead of saying, and having them react negatively to, "OK, its time to clean up," and engaging in a battle of wills, I now just sing the song (I've been working on the railroad), and if they need a little help along the way, gently guide them without speaking.
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Old 02-13-2014, 10:39 PM   #5
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Keysersoze, that sounds like genius parenting. I'm sure it feels weird at first, but I'd rather hear myself sing all day than mag or threaten or yell.
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Old 02-14-2014, 08:37 AM   #6
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Keysersoze, that sounds like genius parenting. I'm sure it feels weird at first, but I'd rather hear myself sing all day than mag or threaten or yell.
Wish I could take credit for it, but its an idea I adopted as part of our discovering Waldorf. I gotta say though, its totally transformed our lives, and made days much more peaceful, on the whole.
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Old 02-14-2014, 10:35 AM   #7
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Quote:
Originally Posted by keysersoze
This might sound nuts, but it works in our house. When ds1 was 5, dd 2, and ds3 brand new, we established a really solid daily/weekly rhythm, and then began singing through transitions. So, for example, just before I want everyone to get ready to get into the car by gathering up their stuff, I hum and then sing the same song. I sing it until everybody's buckled up and we're in the car. I sing a different song when its time to gather at the table, when its time to clean up toys, when its time for homeschooling, outside play, etc. It can get a little annoying, singing through the day, and it feels odd at times to be in public singing, but it works for my kids. When we first started this, I would just sing and gently physically guide them, but I didn't explain what I was doing, nor would I answer any questions. Within a day or two, they caught on and, honestly, it cut down on a lot of the whining and resistance. Instead of saying, and having them react negatively to, "OK, its time to clean up," and engaging in a battle of wills, I now just sing the song (I've been working on the railroad), and if they need a little help along the way, gently guide them without speaking.

Genius!
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Old 02-15-2014, 06:19 PM   #8
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Can you give us some song ideas? I love this idea for heading off to school. I might text our summer music teacher for ideas
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Old 02-15-2014, 08:49 PM   #9
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We explicitly don't use songs that give instructions (no, "this is the way we wash our hands," or "clean up, clean up, everybody clean up" here). Basically, I choose songs that fit the mood of the activity, ones whose lyrics I can remember, and ones I'm not going to mind singing ad nauseum for months on end.

Our current rotation:
Gathering at the table for meals -- this little light of mine
Cleaning up -- I've been working on the railroad, though I'm going to transition to something new. I'm sick of it...
Going to the car (both when leaving the house and when leaving an activity) -- David melech yisrael (we're Jewish), though we used to use Aiken drum (something upbeat and lively works for us here)
Outside play/nature walk -- I like the mountains
Storytime -- another Jewish melody, but something quiet and reflective and calming works best here. Ours is actually wordless, just "dai, dai dai dai dai" to a specific melody
Diaper changes -- wheels on the bus (because I can change it as needed to meet the child's mood -- silly, a bit wild, etc.)
Nap/bedtime -- a Hebrew song, but again, something super mellow and calming
Circle time/gathering for homeschooling -- come follow
Getting dressed/morning chores -- modeh ani (Hebrew song/prayer for the morning), something upbeat, perhaps repetitive would work to keep things moving

I'll also sometimes use a short verse or book quote instead. For example, our bedtime routine has us reading books, then a final potty/teeth/wash, then more stories, so when its time for that, we'll usually just crib from Dr. Seuss's Sleep Book: the time for night brushing of teeth is at hand...
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Old 02-16-2014, 01:34 PM   #10
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Quote:
Originally Posted by keysersoze
We explicitly don't use songs that give instructions (no, "this is the way we wash our hands," or "clean up, clean up, everybody clean up" here). Basically, I choose songs that fit the mood of the activity, ones whose lyrics I can remember, and ones I'm not going to mind singing ad nauseum for months on end.

Our current rotation:
Gathering at the table for meals -- this little light of mine
Cleaning up -- I've been working on the railroad, though I'm going to transition to something new. I'm sick of it...
Going to the car (both when leaving the house and when leaving an activity) -- David melech yisrael (we're Jewish), though we used to use Aiken drum (something upbeat and lively works for us here)
Outside play/nature walk -- I like the mountains
Storytime -- another Jewish melody, but something quiet and reflective and calming works best here. Ours is actually wordless, just "dai, dai dai dai dai" to a specific melody
Diaper changes -- wheels on the bus (because I can change it as needed to meet the child's mood -- silly, a bit wild, etc.)
Nap/bedtime -- a Hebrew song, but again, something super mellow and calming
Circle time/gathering for homeschooling -- come follow
Getting dressed/morning chores -- modeh ani (Hebrew song/prayer for the morning), something upbeat, perhaps repetitive would work to keep things moving

I'll also sometimes use a short verse or book quote instead. For example, our bedtime routine has us reading books, then a final potty/teeth/wash, then more stories, so when its time for that, we'll usually just crib from Dr. Seuss's Sleep Book: the time for night brushing of teeth is at hand...
What a wonderful idea mama!!!!! Wow.... That sounds incredible. I really would love to try this.. I loveee how you use songs that are religiously/culturally important to your family also.
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