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Old 02-16-2014, 12:38 PM   #1
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Am I being to mean?

I want to say first my DD has ADHD and PDD-NOS with lots of social issues. Her term of friends is incorrect, doesn't get stranger danger, etc.
Ok so my DD has Christmas and birthday money still, she lost her wallet for awhile is only reason why. Lol Anyway she wanted to go to Dairy Queen which is walking alone distance, we are on the backside of the parking lot of shopping center they are in. She wanted to buy herself and two friends(one is a true friend, other is a bratty boy that uses people) small blizzards. I said flat out no for money expense to her. But I am feeling guilty as I think it was more weight for me as we will be having dessert tonight, celebrating my birthday late, plus she gets DQ this week with my Mom. She gained a ton of weight this summer with her Dad. Lost some but then put her on Abilify and that made her go way up. She has been off it for a while and weight isn't coming off so easy with holidays, birthdays, weekly then bi weekly trips to DQ with my mom, crappy weather, etc. She is 2% into over weight for her height so not horrid but nothing ignore either as she does feel effects of it. Out of breath easy and stuff. She would still have quite a bit of money left if she had gone.
So with all this info am I being to mean?

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Old 02-16-2014, 12:46 PM   #2
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I don't think that's mean! I think you could just tell her that you already have dessert planned for later and she will have a chance to get DQ later with her grandma. Also you could note how nice it was of her wanting to use her money to pay for her friends' ice cream.
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Old 02-16-2014, 02:12 PM   #3
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I don't think that's mean! I think you could just tell her that you already have dessert planned for later and she will have a chance to get DQ later with her grandma. Also you could note how nice it was of her wanting to use her money to pay for her friends' ice cream.
Thanks. I told her no due to the cost but nice thought. Then she left head hung down. I started thinking and was second guessing myself. I should have reminded her about the other times, though she might have tried to bargin and give one up. Then regret it later.
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Old 02-16-2014, 02:31 PM   #4
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Re: Am I being to mean?

I dont think it was mean to tell her no. Its just dq and she's 9 right? You can give or withhold permission for that for pretty much any reason and its not mean.

I would like to caution against worrying about her weigt too much. Worry about her heath, but if you get too caught up in the numbers on the scale, she will pick up on it. Just try to make sure she gets active a lot when she is with you, and keep her food healthy. And, I think "no, you dont need DQ today, you are going with your grandma later thus week," fits right in with that thought process.

Eta: I also think "no, you cant go because I dont want you hanging out with XYZnot so nice friend." Makes a perfectly reasonable reason, as does "no you arent wastin your money on junk food." And a whole hoste of other reasons. Its not mean at all.
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Old 02-16-2014, 03:43 PM   #5
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I agree with no, but for different reasons. I wouldn't let my 9 year old go to DQ alone. I teach 7th grade and even my students at their age act dumb in groups. Kids that age need supervision.

I surely am not accompanying a kid I dislike to DQ.
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Old 02-16-2014, 04:46 PM   #6
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Re: Am I being to mean?

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Originally Posted by luvsviola View Post
I agree with no, but for different reasons. I wouldn't let my 9 year old go to DQ alone. I teach 7th grade and even my students at their age act dumb in groups. Kids that age need supervision.

I surely am not accompanying a kid I dislike to DQ.
Agreed!
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Old 02-16-2014, 07:18 PM   #7
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Originally Posted by happysmileylady View Post
I dont think it was mean to tell her no. Its just dq and she's 9 right? You can give or withhold permission for that for pretty much any reason and its not mean.

I would like to caution against worrying about her weigt too much. Worry about her heath, but if you get too caught up in the numbers on the scale, she will pick up on it. Just try to make sure she gets active a lot when she is with you, and keep her food healthy. And, I think "no, you dont need DQ today, you are going with your grandma later thus week," fits right in with that thought process.

Eta: I also think "no, you cant go because I dont want you hanging out with XYZnot so nice friend." Makes a perfectly reasonable reason, as does "no you arent wastin your money on junk food." And a whole hoste of other reasons. Its not mean at all.
She is 11 years old.

Oh I don't look at numbers on scale but I do look at clothing sizes. I say nothing to her or in front of her. I wasn't thrilled that the Dr did. We do healthy foods and tame the grandparents. I got her small Whitman's 4piece of candy heart for valentines day so I don't deny to. Turns out she snuck her wallet and went anyway. So yup I am telling my mom no DQ.

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Originally Posted by luvsviola View Post
I agree with no, but for different reasons. I wouldn't let my 9 year old go to DQ alone. I teach 7th grade and even my students at their age act dumb in groups. Kids that age need supervision.

I surely am not accompanying a kid I dislike to DQ.
She is 11 and has gone alone for just her and I once with a specific order. It opened early December. It is extremely close and no roads to cross or go near with side walk most the way. I wouldn't send her with no check in which really ticks me off to what she did. I guess mister bad influence suggested they sneak it.
I now have her wallet and no time with friends for a bit.

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Old 02-16-2014, 07:26 PM   #8
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Re: Am I being to mean?

I dont know why I thought she was 9. I guess time flies, especially when I cant even update my own siggie.

Wow, she snuck out? That would so be grounded around here. I would be so angry st my kid fir that, I would have to send her to her room for the night just so I could cool down! Kudos to you for keeping your cool!
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Old 02-16-2014, 08:08 PM   #9
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I dont know why I thought she was 9. I guess time flies, especially when I cant even update my own siggie.

Wow, she snuck out? That would so be grounded around here. I would be so angry st my kid fir that, I would have to send her to her room for the night just so I could cool down! Kudos to you for keeping your cool!
Time sure does fly. I am impressed you remember an age close. She did just turn 11 on 12/26 .

She snuck the wallet out. She was out playing with friends at the park in the complex when she came in asking. I have her do frequent check ins since I can't be out there for medical reasons, and she snuck it out during one. Said she needed a light jacket. I suspected it but was doing a late birthday celebration dinner for me out, so had no time to confront her then. I was able to be calm when I did thank goodness. Not easy since she pulled I am not going about my dinner. Ugh
Being a parent is so hard some times. My Mom asked who does DQ being taken away punish more DD or us. Uh I don't need it thank you and parenting means no fun sometimes. Argh Sorry about the vent there.

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Old 02-17-2014, 09:36 AM   #10
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Re: Am I being to mean?

I am dealing with this developmental stage (along with the ADHD) with my eldest. They aren't the most honest at this age. . And the junky trashy eating thing is going on here as well. My son is rail thin with elevated cholesterol. He pulled out a (diet caffeine free) soda (he brought home from his dad's) for breakfast.

You dealt with it well.
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