View Poll Results: What would you do?
Just don't have a baby shower-- no big deal. 19 43.18%
Pester the friend about throwing the shower 3 6.82%
Ask another friend to organize the shower 13 29.55%
Have wife/partner organize the shower 4 9.09%
Throw a shower for yourself 5 11.36%
Voters: 44. You may not vote on this poll

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Old 03-13-2014, 12:04 PM   #1
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Friend dropped ball on organizing my baby shower... WWYD?

I'm due in July with my son... One of my friends had spent months telling me that she was going to organize my baby shower, but I don't think she's going to be able to do it. She's got some mental health issues and has been going through a really bad episode for months now and I just don't think I can expect her to do it.

I'm probably being really selfish by expecting a shower, especially for a second baby, but it's really sensitive to me because when I was pregnant with my daughter (six years ago), I had four different friends telling me that they were going to throw me a baby shower, and none of them did. It really upset me because I had been excited about it and had built a baby registry and everything... Now I've gotten excited all over again and I think the same thing's going to happen.

I'm not sure what to do at this point. What would you do?

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Old 03-13-2014, 12:13 PM   #2
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I would have a lunch/brunch/coffee meet up with your friend and another friend and ask them to work on it together. That way you are not "taking it away" from the first friend, but giving her help. And talk about how you feel. And if she wants to bail because it is too much, then you know someone else will take care of it.
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Old 03-13-2014, 12:15 PM   #3
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Re: Friend dropped ball on organizing my baby shower... WWYD?

I don't think showers are the norm for second babies. I'm sorry you didn't get showers for your first baby. That's disappointing. If you're finding out the sex, what we did was a gender party. We took an envelope with the gender inside (we didn't know the gender) to a bakery and had a cake made with the icing inside pink or blue. Then we had some friends over and cut the cake to find out our baby's gender. There were no gifts or anything. I don't think it's classy to throw yourself a shower or ask a friend to throw you a shower, especially for a second baby. But if you just want a get together to celebrate your baby, you could do that after the baby is born, as a "meet the new baby" type of thing.
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Old 03-13-2014, 12:26 PM   #4
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Re: Friend dropped ball on organizing my baby shower... WWYD?

If it's important to you, then you should absolutely tell another friend what is going on and ask if they would have a shower for you. A couple I am friends with was in a similar position (the person they expected to throw them a shower backed out), and I would have been more than happy to throw them a shower but they didn't tell me. In the end things worked out and they had their shower, but things would have gone much smoother if they had just told me what was going on.
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Old 03-13-2014, 12:28 PM   #5
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I think it's always appropriate to celebrate the mom and baby! I always hate when people say you shouldn't have a shower for the second baby. I think a shower isn't about getting lots of gifts but about making the mom feel loved and like other people are excited about her baby.

I get the feeling that you just want to feel cared about and have a special day with your friends and family. I would have been disappointed also after having looked forward to a shower. Plus you didn't ask for it- your friend(s) offered and then backed out. Maybe you could directly ask her if she's still up for it or wants to be involved and tell her it's okay if not and then either plan something yourself maybe after the baby is born, or find someone else who wouldn't mind planning it for you! I hope it works out!
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Old 03-13-2014, 12:34 PM   #6
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Re: Friend dropped ball on organizing my baby shower... WWYD?

Thanks so much for the input, mamas. You're right that it's not so much about wanting a bunch of "stuff." I just want other people to be excited for the baby with me. When I was pregnant with my daughter, it made me feel like no one else loved her or looked forward to her. Hypersensitive hormones, I guess.

I already told everybody the baby's gender, unfortunately, but that could have been a good idea.
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Old 03-13-2014, 01:07 PM   #7
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Don't even blame it on hormones -- that's a legitimate reason to be upset.
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Old 03-13-2014, 01:27 PM   #8
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I think in your case it's totally acceptable to have a shower. Different sex, large age difference, and you didn't get one with your first. Now I probably won't recommend throwing it yourself, but I hope you have some friend that are more on the ball.

GL mama, and congrats!
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Old 03-13-2014, 01:41 PM   #9
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Shower to me implies gifts. So I think it sounds kind of tacky to ask someone to throw you a shower. It's unfortunate that things fell through for your first one, but asking for a shower would really be like asking for a gift grab. If you really want to celebrate perhaps you host a lunch for your closest friends and call it a baby brunch. Make it clear no presents. Perhaps you could get a fun little picture book or scrapbook put some pictures of you and your friends and have everybody write happy thoughts for the baby.
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Old 03-13-2014, 01:59 PM   #10
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Re: Friend dropped ball on organizing my baby shower... WWYD?

I had this happen with my wedding shower- I was living across the country from my family and most of my friends, and my IL's felt that it was "tacky" for them to throw me a shower b/c they felt like it was them asking for gifts for themselves- like we were an extension of them...

I ended pretty much planning a shower for myself (taking care of all the details), but asking a friend who really wasn't that close of a friend if she would be the "host", if I did all the work... So the invitations said she was hosting, and she was there to greet people when they got there etc... but I planned the date, time, food, everything else....

but if I hadn't done this I seriously would not have had a shower at all for my wedding.... thankfully by the time I had DS, I had SIL's that had married in- and stepped up to throw me a baby shower....
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