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Old 07-23-2014, 01:40 PM   #11
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Re: What kind of parenting results in...

How to balance personality with polite behavior?

I thought the kids were just shy so I never expected to hear much from them but I still say hello.

When my two year old refuses to say "Hello" to another little kid, I say it for him to model polite behavior.

I'm sure the mom didn't approve of my two year old's tantrum. I guess me thinking her kids are creepy makes us even.


The mother has walked by me after I have said, "Hello" and walked by without so much as a blink. I don't take it personally because she does it to other people too.

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Old 07-23-2014, 02:38 PM   #12
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Re: What kind of parenting results in...

My kids are like that in a lot of public situations. I have tried to get dd to do sing a long stuff during play groups or at different outing things. She just sits there and watches. When I have seen her at school I find my self wondering if she is even awake. She is just a watcher. Ds is not as much but in a lot of situations he will just sit and watch too. We gt compliments all the time about how well behaved and quiet they are. But at home its a completely different story. they don't sit still. DS has only has volume level at home and its banshee. But they are both friendly and say hi to people when people speak to them- most of the time, but this is also something we encourage. They are pretty much like me.

My 2 nieces are pretty quiet and don't really speak to people. Their house is quiet and pretty prissy. they are also not encouraged to be friendly to people. their mother is a bit socially awkward though and really has no idea that some of her behavior would be considered rude. Its not intentional. Unfortunately my nieces model her behavior.
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Old 07-23-2014, 06:12 PM   #13
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Re: What kind of parenting results in...

It could be many things but if it was giving you a strange vibe maybe there is a reason. Did they respond to their crying baby? I personally find it a little strange that a 2 year old would sit that still, no matter how shy or quiet the personality. I would think they would have been seeking out mom or want to be held in a social setting.
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Old 07-23-2014, 08:31 PM   #14
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There os one option you haven't considered,maybe they are just rendered speechless by your awesomeness!!! Honestly I really don't know what to think. I have friends who are quiet and there kids are the same way but they do have emotions. It is a little concerning that the mom is so antisocial also but it could just be her personality and the kids model her behavior. If cps came into the home and spoke with the children and didn't see a cause for concern then I would probably just chalk it up to awesomeness,it really is impressive!
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Old 07-24-2014, 05:31 AM   #15
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Re: What kind of parenting results in...

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Originally Posted by jbug_4 View Post
My 2 nieces are pretty quiet and don't really speak to people. Their house is quiet and pretty prissy. they are also not encouraged to be friendly to people. their mother is a bit socially awkward though and really has no idea that some of her behavior would be considered rude. Its not intentional. Unfortunately my nieces model her behavior.
I think this is part of it. I would chalk it up to completely to social awkwardness if I haven't seen her be very gracious in other settings.


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It could be many things but if it was giving you a strange vibe maybe there is a reason. Did they respond to their crying baby? I personally find it a little strange that a 2 year old would sit that still, no matter how shy or quiet the personality. I would think they would have been seeking out mom or want to be held in a social setting.
The baby did not cry at all. I do get a vibe. I'm just going to keep doing what I do and just be polite when we run into each other and try not to gawk at the children.

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There os one option you haven't considered,maybe they are just rendered speechless by your awesomeness!!! Honestly I really don't know what to think. I have friends who are quiet and there kids are the same way but they do have emotions. It is a little concerning that the mom is so antisocial also but it could just be her personality and the kids model her behavior. If cps came into the home and spoke with the children and didn't see a cause for concern then I would probably just chalk it up to awesomeness,it really is impressive!
With almost complete certainty it was not my awesomeness. Not that I'm not awesome but just that this particular family does not appreciate the fullness of my awesomeness.

I tried inviting them to dinner once. I thought that would break the ice. It was awful and they were rude and I would be ok with not ever seeing them again but my town is small so I have to. That was a couple of years ago and I honestly don't remember the kids being that quiet. I was busy cooking and prepping and trying to keep conversation flowing.
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Old 07-24-2014, 08:20 AM   #16
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Re: What kind of parenting results in...

Very interesting. I'd think this is a combination of strict parenting and natural personality.
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Old 07-24-2014, 10:50 AM   #17
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Re: What kind of parenting results in...

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Very interesting. I'd think this is a combination of strict parenting and natural personality.

If we take nature and nurture into consideration then that is logical.
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Old 07-24-2014, 01:42 PM   #18
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I think this is part of it. I would chalk it up to completely to social awkwardness if I haven't seen her be very gracious in other settings.

The baby did not cry at all. I do get a vibe. I'm just going to keep doing what I do and just be polite when we run into each other and try not to gawk at the children.

With almost complete certainty it was not my awesomeness. Not that I'm not awesome but just that this particular family does not appreciate the fullness of my awesomeness.

I tried inviting them to dinner once. I thought that would break the ice. It was awful and they were rude and I would be ok with not ever seeing them again but my town is small so I have to. That was a couple of years ago and I honestly don't remember the kids being that quiet. I was busy cooking and prepping and trying to keep conversation flowing.
I didn't realize she was nice to other people,I thought the whole family just ignored everyone . It sounds like there is a definite personality clash between you and the family but that still doesn't explain the kids having no expression and not making any noise. I am assuming this is a family from church and I wonder if it has something to do with them feeling more 'holy' than your family. Most of the people we know are wonderful ,amazing families but a few seem to feel like they are so much more righteous than the rest of us heathens.:eyeroll: They can't believe we let the world see our girls have knees (shocking realization) and that they have watched star wars(the shame) and are allowed to play with public school kids (the horror is just too much to bear)! It definitely reflects in their attitude towards our family and from what you are saying about your interactions with them it seems to be that vibe. It is really stupid and I have learned to just blow it off but I wonder if they are encouraging the children to act the same way. This isn't just a Catholic or Christian thing but I have seen it at church and they are generally the most judgemental, nasty people to be around. I see this in homeschooling also, their two year old can read Shakespeare and their children never even seen a tv because they are too busy curing cancer, while my child is in the corner eating glue.But none the less in no way detracts from your speechless awesomeness!
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Old 07-24-2014, 04:12 PM   #19
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Re: What kind of parenting results in...

My experience is that it can be strict parenting or personality OR parents that provide very little verbal/emotional stimulation and support for their children. I have come across several children that are like that. The parents care for them with regard to food and whatnot but they are not expressive at all. They dont smile, engage, read together, tickle and bond in those sort of ways. The child is just not expressive at all due to environment.
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Old 07-24-2014, 04:24 PM   #20
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Re: What kind of parenting results in...

I have encountered a family much like this, and I can honestly say it's because there are no emotional needs being met. They are fed, given clean clothes, and food to eat, but there is no emotional interaction. A lack of hugging and I love you's.

I am a strict parent in that I do not let my kids get away with much, but they are the most expressive, creative, sensitive, gentle children you could ever meet. Being strict does not negate the cuddles, ya know? I think this family you are speaking of a direct product of strict parenting AND a lack of emotional stimulation.

I could be wrong, and I hope I am, of course. It makes me sad for these children.
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